The Beloved Princess

My Discovery for 2011

2012-01-02T17:43:00.004+08:00

After I surrendered my life to Jesus, it was my immediate family’s salvation that I prayed for intensely. I wanted for them to have the same joy I am experiencing – a personal relationship with God.

On my journey, I also remembered my relatives. I was even trying to understand how can they be saved too since we have this big family. Who would share the good news with them? Will they accept Jesus? How can I invite them to church? I have so many questions.

In 2011 I learned some things about our family. From my mother’s side, there is at least one Christian now in each family. It may be a youth, a father, a family, and God has showed me that there are only two of mom’s siblings that have no “Christian” yet in their family. I was able to chat with my cousin one day and was so grateful to know that he is a Christian now. What I felt for my immediate family is his feelings right now. I know what God is doing in my own loved ones; He can surely do the same for my cousin’s.

It is so comforting to know that eventhough I prayed for that many years ago, God answers are still coming.

Lord, thank You that when You saved me, You did not stop with only me. Thank You for doing Your way for the rest of my family. I pray that in my lifetime I will see your goodness for all my loved ones.

I can't wait to more discoveries of You!

You Were There

2011-12-14T17:00:00.002+08:00

The rain has stopped.
The storm has passed.
Look at all the colors, now the sun is here at last.
Father God, thank You for being there.

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure. - 1 Corinthians 10:13

In the Midst of the Storm

2011-10-07T13:01:00.002+08:00

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

With the recent calamity we had experienced, it is so tempting to dwell on what was lost…

God has been and always will be our Protector, Provider and Refuge.

When typhoon Pedring came, I was able to go home early that day. God protected me from darkness and debris along the road.

The water started to rise. Nanay just bought our groceries for the week. We have enough food.

It took longer than I expected for the electricity to power up. I was able to charge my phones before the flood.

Days were passing, water level is getting higher. Still without electricity and the water supply has been cut off as well. Ate applied for purified water dealership, we have enough water supply.

Water reached the 2nd floor of our house! This was the first time we experienced such great flood. We still have our 3rd floor and rooftop to keep dry.

Our cars were parked on high grounds but the water level is higher. The owner of the lot where the cars were parked is an automotive mechanic. He sends us messages from time to time. Kuya was able to take out the computer box from Wyt and tied the two vehicles as well.

In God’s divine ways, I had an Elijah-experience. Everyday I asked God to stop the water from rising. It didn’t. I asked God to have the power back. It didn’t. I asked God for better sleeps. It didn’t. I kept praying until one day, the water level started to go down. All I uttered was “praise God!”

My spiritual family was all worried about us that they didn’t stop until they were able to send rescuers to our home. I, together with five family members and relatives, left our house. As we were going to dry land, I saw how great that flood was! I was safe at home, spending time with my family, praying for the water to subside – all this time, God has been keeping us in the eye of the storm. An unimaginable flood has come to our town. There were empty houses. There were people trying to survive. Calamity is everywhere. Yet God kept our eyes away from the awful situation.

It saddened me to be away from my family but more rejoicing when I get involved with the relief operation. Being “out of water” makes me see a clearer view of what God is trying to do. Need is everywhere and many people (most of them I do not know of) are all together helping out.

This flood maybe awful but has God promised that all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things and you'll see that you are in the safest place...in the eye of the storm with God alone.

Never Felt Boredom

2011-08-31T09:50:00.000+08:00

We had a 4-day weekend. For long holidays, I usually get bored because most of it are commonly spent at home – doing nothing valuable. And so my dgroup planned a trek to Mount Pinatubo. The plan was good: we’ll go up on Monday and we’ll rest on Tuesday so we can be ready for the Wednesday usual office work. We’ll just go there by public transport since no one volunteered to do a long and tiring drive. Then an unexpected typhoon came! So much for the trekking…

I spent my Saturday in the ministry, well the first part of the day was in bed. Hehe. Attended the event in church and then went to dgroup that ended at 11pm! It was raining hard, really. Sunday, I needed to wake up early for my sister requested me to attend the 1st worship service and that means getting up as early as 6am. By the way, during our dgroup, I had a cup of coffee which kept my mind awake until two in the morning! Coffee doesn’t usually have that effect much on me, but I don’t know why on that particular time, my mind couldn’t sleep. Anyway, that Sunday I slept from 12noon to 3pm. I still want to stay in bed but I don’t want to miss a TV series I regularly watch. Haha! And again, there was a typhoon, so the kids cannot play outside and made our living room their play area. They played basket using a balloon and it was really a chaos. There were five of them- shouting, running, jumping and is everywhere. So much for my TV watching. I wanted to go back to my room but decided to be with the kids, speaking of spending time with family. Hehe. And so the rest of the day was playtime mode.

Instead of going to Mount Pinatubo that Monday, the group finally decided to visit Marquee Mall. Though only three of us were able to make it, there were two bodyguards (friends) who also came with us. We ate our now favorite Brother’s burger (missing the mayo and catsup), watched a movie (we only knew then that there was such a film! It has a good story though.), did some shopping (err, more shopping?) and even had kodakan moments (free from the movie tickets). And the highlight of it was having my new toy! (I’m-busy-please-don’t-disturb)

The last day of my long weekend was used in cleaning my room (finally my bedroom was able to breathe) and on a date with my close friend. We always plan for that date but our schedules are often in conflict and so yesterday we enjoyed our chat, eating and even did a little grocery.

Today is the start of going-back-to-reality. I find it funny though ‘coz my bible verse this morning was from Proverbs 31 woman, speaking of getting-up-early-while-it-was-still-dark. I will miss my morning long sleep…

Thank You, Father God, for the peaceful rest and the time spent with the people who matter most to me. Thank You for never letting me feel any boredom.

KINDNESS

2011-07-28T09:49:00.002+08:00

The rain started to pour lightly. Made the weather cooler though. I did something I haven’t done before, that is, bursting out what’s in my heart that I am keeping inside for a longer time. Before that “explosion”, I felt like I was someone I am not.

I know I’ve caused pain so I humbled myself and asked forgiveness for what I did only to get hurt even more. I thought my asking for sorry will release me from the ache but I was wrong. That night, God talked to me in a very intimate way, a conversation I haven’t had for a longer time too. Every word He uttered is replied back with tears. God talked to me like a Father and assured me that He hasn’t forgotten anything about me.

The next day I was again truthful to someone only to give hurt once more. Have I done wrong for the second time? It was so painful that I thought I lost every investment I had on that relationship. God told me to humble myself again. The following day I asked for forgiveness and it was accepted. Later that day, I received a text message and it saddened me again. Will the rain ever stop?

I went to God and tried focusing my mind to other things until my hand ached from writing and told God that I am tired. Instantly, my phone rang. It was an international number, a call I don’t usually answer. But that time I got it and hoping it will be a lady on the other line. Indeed, a good friend I never talked to in a while shared stories that lifted my spirit. And before the call ended, she shared good news that soothed my worries. God really has His ways of taking care of me.

This morning as I was going to the office, I felt something is wrong with my car but didn’t mind it that much. Until someone got my attention and told me about a flat tire. The place where the problem was confirmed was near a vulcanizing shop. I only needed to turn and I was the only customer. As I was waiting to get my tire fixed, I checked on my phone and saw a message from my brother warning me of that tire. Nothing is too late for God; He had protected me all the way until I reached a safer place to fix the problem.

The rain is still pouring. The weather is still cooler. It is wet everywhere. And God is in it all the time. His kindness never fails.

The Green Team

2011-06-29T16:16:00.002+08:00

It was an honor to be a Green Team member, especially working with my groupmates.

Excitement was the first emotion I felt when my superiors volunteered me to be part of the Green team. And as we go on with the group, the excitement is changing to admiration and inspiration.

Each member comes from different departments. It was my first time to work with most of them. And it is fascinating and surprising to know each one personally through our projects and meetings.

Green day celebration is one of the biggest projects of the team. Needless to say, each member is excited and enthusiastic for the event. As Sir Danny started to challenge us to prepare for the celebration, everyone gave time and much thinking on how can the celebration be better and meaningful this time.

We were assigned to different roles and were given different responsibilities. Everyone did his job in sourcing out for the best idea for the upcoming event. Everyone was in his high momentum. Everyone was excited.

The plan was almost complete when the BIG change was laid down to us. The BIG change means finding an alternative to all the preparations that we did. Eventhough it means to look for a different venue, the team did not lose its momentum. Another challenge came up. We needed to revise the budget. Again, the team did not spend much time dwelling on the WHY but more on the HOW.

It is at this time that I was in awe with my teammates. A number of email exchanges, meetings, brainstorming, decision making, revisions – but the team never loses its focus. Negative feedbacks did not hinder the team to courageously work out and do the best for the company and for the co-employees.

I must admit that at one time, I feel like giving up, I feel like “bahala na kayo dyan”, I feel like stopping and just concentrate on my daily work. Thanks to the passion for success that my teammates are exhibiting, I found myself on the same momentum as they are.

Days before the Green day, there is still one major award left unoccupied. Another twist came, the decision to choose the awardee was given to us. It was so tempting to give up but Green team as we are; the group gave whatever is needed.

The celebration was a success! Happy faces and satisfied colleagues are what we see. All the effort and hardwork by the team has been paid off. The scene where each member did his part in the program is worth keeping in my memory.

Full engagement, connectivity, reaching out – these are but only a few of the many values I observed that my teammates are living out. They never give in! They are so passionate – passion, passion, ACTION!

One more year to work together. One more year of connection, collaboration, fellowship. But I know that what we started won’t end after one more year. Instead, it will be for longer years.

The Man I Truly Love

2011-04-18T14:17:00.007+08:00

I can still remember that time when it’s you whom I only want to be with. I feel so secured and safe when we are together. I miss the times when we play; I miss those habulan; I miss that laughter that we shared; I miss being just your little girl. Years passed and so many things have come and gone. We had this 3-year long silence. I made you cry. I hurt you. All because of my disobedience. When it comes to love, I know you only want the best for me. You’ve met all those who tried to win my heart, but all of them didn’t pass your standard. Maybe the right one is still on his way. At one time I was a bit confused why you acted differently when it comes to courting. In the end all I know is that you know what is right for me. The man I almost gave my heart to, you really were disappointed. Just at first glance, you know he is not right for me. Is it true? Definitely, you are correct with your judgment. I’m glad that I have someone like you in my life. Together, we faced big trials lately. I’m glad you are with us as we pass through them. What makes me sad though is that at this time in your life, these sad things happened. I believe it’s now time that we should be the ones making you happy. The physical strength is slowly passing by. I always pray at night that God will give you a good sleep. I still want you to be there and walk with me on that aisle. I still dream of you playing with your grandchildren from me. I still wish of happy moments with you. Tatay, thank you for all your love. Thank you for being the best father I could ever have. Thank you that you are still there whenever I need you. Thank you for keeping me as the apple of your eye. Thank you for all your sacrifices for me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for allowing me to know Jesus in my life. Thank you for forgiving me after all the hurts and pains I caused you. Not everyone is given this chance to have so many happy memories with their fathers, I am so blessed that I am one of the fortunate children. I will be forever grateful to our Lord. I pray that your heart is happy as you celebrate your special day. We still yet to celebrate more years of God’s faithfulness in your life. Happy, happy birthday Tatay! I love you so much.

Dark Choco Bars

2011-04-08T09:05:00.002+08:00

I was so busy the whole day yesterday with meeting and attending to our visitor (my boss from the US). We went out for dinner and by the time we reached the office, it was already late. I was surprised to receive a gift handed to my by the guard at post and even more surprised to read that card which says that it is from my loving dgroup. I received three bars of dark toblerone chocolate. What could that possibly mean? Hahaha. We, my dgroup and I, understood what those 3 bars mean to me. Love you girls. Just the thought of knowing you love me and accept me with all my flaws and imperfections, make my heart cries for gratitude and joy.

It Happens

2011-03-11T11:09:00.000+08:00

I woke up today with nothing unusual.

6am, still early to get up so I closed my eyes again. 7am, ok it’s now time to get out of bed. This scenario is normal.

I took a shower, had my breakfast and prepared to leave for office work.

Nothing unusual; all happened in the same way it happens everyday.

I reached the office at the normal time, that is, past 8am. Prepared my table and did my routine.

But somehow I realized there was something wrong.

Uh-oh, where’s my laptop? Have I left in my car?

Ahhhh! I left it at home!!!

I was about to ring my sister and tell her to bring my laptop to my office instead of me going back home. But then I also realized that my bedroom was locked and the key is with me! Great! I don’t have any other choice but to drive back home.

My officemate was already teasing me. So I went out from our building and halfway through I needed to go back to my desk!

I forgot to bring along my car key!

What’s going on with me?

This is not the first time I forgot my laptop at home. I believe today is just the second but this time, other stuff were also forgotten.

Have you had the same experience?

Well, it happens, you know…

When the Basics are Sometimes Forgotten

2011-03-07T11:47:00.002+08:00

We were walking our way back to the parking lot after a good day God has planned.

Me: Excited na ako for the next prayer and fasting.
Monette: (smiling)
Me: Dati, I've prayed for four people. Two have already been answered.
Monette: (still smiling)
Me: Dalawa na lang! Sya at si Fe.
Monette: Malapit na sya...nararamdaman ko na...
Me: Talaga? Sana nga...di ko pa kasi maramdaman...
Monette: ...That's FAITH!...

We reached the car with smile on my face.

New Year Song

2011-01-05T13:28:00.004+08:00

I thank God for new year because it is at this time that people get a chance to asses and plan for life. Be it a reality or another new year's plan, it is at new year's time that most of us become hopeful for the days to come.

One day as I was driving on my way to office, this song by Katy Perry got my attention. It has an inspiring message and pushing one to go and be like a Firework! One of my favorite lines is "You don't have to feel like a waste of space. You're original, cannot be replaced."

Hope you get inspired by this song as much as it did to me...

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shineJust own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!
"Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

PUSH

2010-12-20T15:21:00.005+08:00

This was a game forwarded to me by my bestfriend, we had so much fun when we did this together for the first time. And yes, this is my second try but this time using my own playlist. The results were as hilarious as the first. The first try was posted on my Facebook account.

Here are the game rules.
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. Write the song (title) NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag as many people that you want to do this activity with (or at least those who would hopefully find this fun).

Below are my answers. Enjoy!

1. If someone says, "Are you okay?", you say...? Need you now (Lady Antebellum)
Hmmm, well that’s according to my playlist. Hehe

2. How would you describe yourself? Slide Away (Oasis)
Am I sliding away? Probably.

3. What do you like in a guy/girl? – Para Sayo (Parokya ni Edgar)
Sobrang mapagbigay naman. LOL!

4. How do you feel today? – Save Me (Remy Zero)
Oh yeah, please!

5. What is your life's purpose? – Soldier’s Daughter (Tonic)
Prequel to A Warrior is a Child blog.

6. What is your motto? – Feels so Good (Nyoy Volante)
If life could be good all the time.

7. What do your friends think of you? – Blind (Lifehouse)
If I am blind, how come they are my friends? LOL!

8. What do your parents think of you? – As Long As It Matters (Gin Blossoms)
Hmmm…so understanding.

9. What do you think about most often? – Big Machine (Goo Goo Dolls)
Do I?

10. What is 2 + 2? – Love Song for No One (John Mayer)
…so tired of being alone

11. What do you think of your best friend? – Songbird (Oasis)
This is much better than the song I got on my first try.

12. What is your life story? –Shes’ A Rebel (Greenday)
C’mon!

13. What do you want to be when you grow up? – Something To Be (Rob Thomas)
Isn’t it to be someone and not something?

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like? – Geek Stink Breath (Green Day)
Geek!

15. What will you dance to at your wedding? – Live Forever (Oasis)
Couldn’t it be so tiring? LOL!

16. What will they play at your funeral? – Creep (Radiohead)
Hahaha!

17. What is your hobby/interest? – Baby By (Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris)
Can’t believe I have this song! LOL!

18. What is your biggest fear? – Half the World Away (Oasis)
I don’t want to be so far from my loved ones.

19. What is your biggest secret? – Liberian Girl (Michael Jackson)
Even I didn’t know this secret. Haha!

20. What do you want right now? – You Wanted More (Tonic)
No satisfaction. Hehe.

21. What do you think of your friends? – Long Day (Matchbox Twenty)
I need to spend a long day for my long list of good friends!

22. What will your child's first words be? – Everything is Not Broken (John Mayer)
My baby is so optimistic!

23. What do you say when you look in the mirror? – Will You Be There (Michael Jackson)
I find this one creepy. What if I don’t see my reflection in the mirror???

24. What did you say in your sleep last night? – You Are What You Are, Beautiful (Christina Aguilera)
Yeah, yeah. LOL!

25. What will you post this as? – Push (Matchbox Twenty)
It’s not Complicated anymore. LOL!

Playful

2010-12-20T09:50:00.002+08:00

I sent this message to a close friend: "love you"
The reply I got: "I love it"
Well, I don't know if it means the person loves my message or loves me. But the pronoun used was 'it".

Then another friend sent me this message: "love you"
I wanted to reply back: "I love you too"
But what I sent was: "goodnight"

A Year-end Story?

2010-12-01T15:03:00.002+08:00

Isang buwan na lang and another year is over. Ang bilis talaga ng panahon, sabi nga nila. Totoo nga kayang bumibilis ang takbo ng orasan? Minsan napapaisip ako kung nababago ba ang speed ng pag-ikot ng mundo? Ngunit ang lahat naman ay ginawa ng Diyos na sakto lang, walang labis at walang kulang.

Noong nakaraang taon, may matinding pagsubok ang dumaan sa buhay ko. For the first time, I cried so hard because of heartache. Yung iyak na napapanood ko lang sa mga movies, na tingin ko pa nga ang OA (over acting). Pero totoo palang pag sobrang sakit, mapapaiyak ka na lang nang labis. Akala ko matindi na yun, pero mas matindi ang mga dumaan ngayong taon.

Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon I was hurt by someone I considered one of my very best friends. Di ko alam nasasaktan pala sya sa mga ginagawa ko na ang akala ko naman ay okay lang sa kanya. Nung nalaman ko yun, nasaktan ako dahil may tinatago na pala syang hinanakit sa akin. Ngunit ang pinakamasakit ay ang pag-isipan nya ako ng di magagandang bagay. Nag-usap kami at sinabi nya sa akin lahat ng naramdaman at inisip nya. Sobrang sakit na marinig yun, halos hindi na makakita ang mga mata ko sa sobrang iyak. Hindi ko akalaing mapapag-isipan nya ako ng ganun. Ilang araw ko ring dinamdam yun. Ngunit nangibabaw ang pagmamahal namin sa isa’t isa. Sa ngayon, okay na kami. Sabi nya kalimutan na namin yun at humingi rin sya ng sorry sa akin.

Ngayong taong ding ito, my family went through a very difficult trial. Something unexpected happened to one of our dear loved ones. Yung kasabihang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa, parang ganun ang naramdaman namin. At for the very first time, each of us cried, men and women in the family. And at that moment, my respect towards my father was even intensified. I know he was also hurting but since he is the leader of the family, he needed to encourage and strengthen us. He showed us the positive side of the situation. He reminded us of the love of God. I cried in gratefulness to the Lord for blessing me with a father like my Tatay.

At the last quarter of this year, I also experienced a slight depression (or maybe because of the previous trials that I went through) when one of the most precious friendships I have was tainted. Ang hirap din nung time na yun. On those moments that I needed a friend, di nya ako sinamahan. Inisip ko pa nga na siguro meron din syang pinagdadaanan kaya umiiwas sya sakin. I tried to reach out sa kanya, pero ang layo nya. Sabi nya sa akin lagi lang syang nandyan dahil kaibigan ko sya, ngunit nung mga oras na pinaka-kailangan ko sya, dun naman sya lumayo. Until we talked and I learned bakit sya lumalayo. Wala akong naramdaman nung nag-uusap kami, isang linggo yata ang lumipas bago nag sink in sa akin yung sinabi nya. And when I realized everything, I felt I lost another friend. Nag-flash back ang lahat, hirap pigilan ang luha. Nararamdaman ko naman na nagri-reach out sya, kaya lang di pa siguro ako handa na magtiwala muli. I still need to compose myself and wait for that time na pwede ko na ulit ibalik ang trust ko sa kanya. I know I also have my shares why that thing happened, kaya I also limit myself sa pakikipag usap sa kanya. As of now, I don’t know if what we had will be restored. Pero hopeful ako that God can make all things possible, hopeful ako that when He restores our friendship, it will be better that the one we had.

Sa lahat ng ito, namamangha pa rin ako especially when I heard again the footprints in the sand. Namamangha ako sa faithfulness and grace ni God towards me. Isang taon na that He’s is carrying me. Isang taon na there is only one set of footprints in the sand. Isang taon na at ni minsan wala akong narinig na reklamo or condemnation galing sa Daddy God ko.

Meron pang natitirang isang buwan sa taong ito, maganda or hindi ang dadating, sigurado ako that my God will stay the same. Nothing and no one can take away His love for me. He is my constant Companion, my very best Friend, my Protector, and my Shoulder to cry on. God, thank You, thank You that when You said that I am Your princess, You mean its truest meaning. The year 2010 may have been full of trials, but this year made me love You even more.

Long Weekend

2010-11-01T17:50:00.002+08:00

Today we are celebrating All Saints’ Day, and since it is also a Monday this gave way for us to have a three-straight day off. To a person who’s trying to keep herself busy (I think I am referring to myself, hehehe), doing nothing and just letting the time pass is such a boring thing.

I am too lazy to go out and drive. I’m not in the mood to read. I can’t even find a nice TV program to watch. I’m not in my element to talk to people, chat with them or text them. So what am I going to do?

I babysit my niece Joy-Joy, oh man she’s so likot! She likes to walk but she can’t do that unless you hold her two hands. Imagine chasing her with my spinal cord bent while balancing my walk for she directs the motion. I like it when a baby sleeps while I cuddle her. But not with Joy-Joy, she can’t sleep unless she’s in her crib. I sang all the nursery songs I know, but still she won’t sleep while I’m holding her. One time we played without me needing to “exercise”. What I mean is, she’s playing while she sits on my lap. She’s playing peek-a-boo with her cousin, Ryan. She’ s so cute when she does that thing, covering her eyes with her palms and then smiling as she takes off her hands. This morning while we were watching TV (which was also the time that I was forcing her to sleep through my lullaby songs), she saw this commercial with a kid telling story about his dad. I find it so amusing when Joy-joy said “Papa” when she saw the same vehicle as her dad’s. She can understand the commercial! Joy-joy is just one year old. The simplicity of her mind and the naivety of her understanding made me smile.

I can’t babysit for one hour, so I have many idle times. Good thing a friend lent a DVD of The Book of Eli movie. I’ve watched it and since the copy is pirated, I still watched it in black and white! Haha, talking about boredom. The plot was simple yet the lesson was profound. Admittedly, I didn’t even know that there was a movie such as that.

And since the movie is just less than a two-hour show, I was back to nothing. And then I opened my laptop, and guess what? I did some work! Whew! Well, that “some” word was exaggerated, hehe. I just opened my business mails and replied to some. I’m just careful not to do a lot for as to still keep some for tomorrow’s work. Haha!

Finally, to keep the time running, I decided to create a blog. And that’s it. Now I will look for some things to do and hopefully have some productivity out of my long vacation.

Complete

2010-10-31T21:05:00.004+08:00

My week is a roller coaster. I didn't scream but my grip was so tight because if not, I will fall. I was there moving, living, existing but really don't know where am I going.

This morning at church, I heard this song. Every word is what exactly in my heart. One day Lord, I will see You face to face and I will just worship You, no more tears, no more pains, no more hurts.

COMPLETE
(by Parachute Band)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNYc5El60PI

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I offer up my life

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

Chorus:
So I lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now
Let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
And I will be complete in You

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I offer up my life

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

Chorus:
So I lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now
Let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see
Beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

Ending:
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You

A Joy to my Heart

2010-10-06T10:41:00.001+08:00

I’m fond of kids. Actually, my whole family likes kids, especially infants. And the youngest we have at home just turned one year old. She’s the daughter of my oldest brother and her name is Joy Andrea.

Who loves waiting? I don’t. I can list a bunch of reasons why and that would be another topic. But I’ve learned that waiting can be exciting depending on what you’re waiting for. Well for one, I am excited as I wait for Joy to have her first steps and her first real words. Everyone at home goes crazy when she says, “abeeda-abeeda!” Wish we know what she means by those words. She says it when she’s playing, when she’s watching tv, when she’s talking with someone, she’s saying it in almost all time she’ll open her mouth.

I find it funny and interesting that grownups actually adjust their understanding to comprehend the language of babies (which of course won’t be the other way around – babies understanding adults?? Haha!) So as part of the “adult” group, I just know that when Joy says “ba-ba”, she means “bye bye”; “ma-mam” means water; “pa-pa” means food; “ito, ito!” (in a very fast talk) means “this”. And they also use body language…a lot of it! When Joy wants to get out, she’ll just twist her body as far as she can until the one holding her can do nothing but to bring her out. When she doesn’t want a particular person to cuddle her, she’ll grab someone she likes as hard and as tight as she can. And when she’s bored and no toy to play with, she’ll pinch your nose and look at you in the eye. When she does that to me, I sometimes ask myself if I look like a human toy to her. Hahaha.

I love calling her “Ava-jong-jong” or “Ava-ju-jee”... so adults have their own language too…LOL!

What Would You Rather Have?

2010-09-28T10:58:00.000+08:00

Loving someone who loves you back… but thousands of miles are keeping you apart.

Or

Loving someone within your reach… but doesn’t love you the way you want him to.

As for me, I’d rather risk to love than not to love at all.

Tearless Cry

2010-09-28T10:54:00.000+08:00

Why do I feel this bad whenever you shut me off? I attempted in so many times to open up but on each try, you responded differently. I think I can’t blame me if I’m distancing myself from you. I feel like you don’t want to enter my world anymore. It pains me…really. You’re so different now. And I miss the old you. I need you now more than ever. But I can’t feel your presence; all I see is the wall that was invisibly built between us. I want to believe that the friendship will still be saved but on each passing time, I can feel that the hope becomes dimmer and dimmer. I want to be far from you – to protect myself from the pain of losing you. I have so much hurt in my heart that bearing the thought of you slowly going out of my life is too hard. My heart is crushing inside, it’s too painful.

Life's Lessons

2010-09-17T15:10:00.001+08:00

I’ve learned that the people closest to you are ones capable of hurting you the most. Yet they are also the ones that you can still love and forgive no matter what they did to you.

I’ve learned that no matter how great or how small he/she did something to you for as long as you are keeping some hurt from him/her, you will always get irked with his/her petty/unconscious moves towards you. Even without planning about it, you are always watching if he/she will commit a mistake or not.

I’ve learned that all people, even your family or bestest friends, can disappoint you. Because, just like you, they too are imperfect.

I’ve learned that no secret can be kept forever. One day, you’ll tell someone about it. Only then will you feel that it was a still a relief afterall. It may take time, even years, but a time will come for the secrets to be revealed.

I’ve learned that “going back” is easier than “moving on”. Even though the latter is harder, you still choose what is right, that is to continue moving forward.

I’ve learned that each person needs some time to be by himself, alone. It gives healing even if he doesn’t do anything, just by being alone is enough.

I’ve learned that whatever we prayed for, the right time will come that God will answer it. Even if we have forgotten about it, when God answers it, we will remember that we have prayed for it (whether God’s answer is a Yes or a No).

I’ve learned that if you really want to do something, nothing can get in the way to keep you from doing it.

I’ve learned that people commit mistakes and God, by His grace, creates another day so that people can start anew.

A Moment Like This

2010-09-08T17:18:00.000+08:00

Just when I’m having a celebration in my mind as we are nearing the end of my business trip, my health finally gave in. I wasn’t able to complete my last objective for today. I am too weak to go on. Or was it just a state of mind? I tried to continue but more often than not, I found myself checking the clock and wishing that it’s over. I feel ashamed of my condition that my colleagues are worrying about me. I really hate this state when my sickness is blowing out slowly. This sore throat makes me feel very uncomfortable… I wish I am home.

Ironically, I eat a lot here. I get an average 7-hour sleep every night. I don’t skip meals, even those little snacks. But still, I got sick.

It Is More Than Just a NUMBER

2010-08-12T10:04:00.007+08:00

Disclaimer: This blog is neither to lift myself up nor to boast my ability, but to display the power of God.

I’ve never been number one. I don’t know how it is to be the first. In our family, I am the youngest. When I graduated from elementary, I was second place. In high school, I ranked third. And from college, I was number four. In school contests, I’ve never experienced to be the top winner. Not that I am bitter with the academic achievements I got, but being number one is not for me. Or that’s what I thought.

When I enrolled in the church’s GLC program, I told myself that I will be serious with it. I promised to God that I will try my best to excel in this course. I said that in my career I give my all, why not do the same with what God has entrusted me to learn? And just like my other promises, I have broken what I said I will do. At the first semester of the course, I was excited and enthusiastic in the class, in making projects and assignments, in reviewing for the exams. But later on I become lazy. I even did a project for the sake of completing it. (And yes, I got a low score for it.)

As we were consolidating the grades of each student at the end of the school year, my hopes of being in the top become less and less as more and more grades are entered especially at that time when I saw the lowest score I got from that project I was talking about from the previous paragraph. In my mind, I was telling God I am sorry that I did not make up to my promise…again.

I was exhausted that week helping out with the consolidation of grades. I even had to take one-day leave from work so that we could complete and submit the report. I am not used to sleep very late but that night I needed to work until 2:00 in the morning! There is no other one that can finish the grades since it is only me who knows the program. And when the most awaited summary has been completed, I was surprised with what I saw. My hands were trembling and my heart was beating fast, I couldn’t believe with what I am looking at. I got excited and at the same time I was also nervous thinking that maybe I did some mistakes in entering the scores. My name was on top of the list, meaning I got the highest average among the students! I stopped for a while and when I got my senses back I told God, “Ok Lord that is enough. It has lifted my spirit and even though it is late, I will still finish the consolidation of grades. Can You now please show me the correct top 20 names? By the way, thank You for the humor. Me as number one? You gotta be kidding me!” Thinking that I have to go to bed, I closed my computer and went to sleep.

Anticipating corrections and revisions with the grades, I brought my personal laptop to office so that I can work on it during my free time. Our Dean called to tell me that the grades are needed before lunch that day! There were few revisions but my name remained on top! I was hoping for more corrections and that my name won’t be at number one. Until about 3:00 in the afternoon, the final list was released. And yes, I still ranked number one! It took some time before I was able to grasp that fact.

Suddenly, I felt the rushing of tears on my face. I was humbled by the love of God. All throughout the school year, I’ve never been completely faithful. There were times that I did not give my best. There were days that I attend class but my mind is not focused on the lesson. But here I am, given another grace, loved unconditionally and forgiven freely. I really thanked God for lavishing me with His love. Inspite of my unfaithfulness, He remains faithful.

On August 8, 2010, Sunday, we marched and received our certificate of completion. It was a fun and meaningful graduation. It was so good to graduate for the fourth time in my life. But this one is different. Finally, I was number one, God made me number one. My parents, together with my sister, friend and nephews were there to witness my graduation. Tatay and Nanay kissed and congratulated me after I gave the valedictory speech. My nephews even handed a bouquet of yellow flowers. I made a lot of mistakes, I hurt my parents from my recent rebellion, but their love never changes. I know God made them feel proud of me.

Thank You is not enough to say how grateful I am to You, my God. I am humbled. I feel secured. I was reassured that You will be with me to the very end of age. Once again, I have experienced how mighty and powerful You are!

NUMB

2010-07-30T14:56:00.000+08:00

In four weeks time, Christmas season will officially start in the Philippines. I’m not kidding, look at your calendar…

How fast time flies, or does it tick faster than before? It’s almost end of July which means that half of the year had passed without me noticing it. Philippines have her new president. More typhoons have come and gone. Oil prices keep on going up. Business is business as usual. Problems keep piling up.

As I write this blog, there really is nothing in my mind on how this can flow and end. I feel numb inside. Or is just my way of coping up with things that are happening around me? Have I become too preoccupied that I don’t care much on the passing time? Have I shut myself from the realities of this world? Does my life’s purpose take a stop after all? I keep on living each day, I keep on laughing, I keep on hurting, I keep on struggling, I keep on dreaming and I keep on loving. But why is there numbness inside?

Probably the reason why time flies fast is because people become busier than before. They have a lot of to-do’s that 24 hours is not enough to complete them all. Maybe the world keeps each of us working on one thing after the other. Maybe time hasn’t change, but people and circumstances do. Wherever I am in my time right now, I hope I’ll get this over soon. I want “it” back. I want to wake up and be “me” again…or will “this” keep on passing until I get used to it and lived by it?

Going Through The Scene!

2010-07-07T14:17:00.001+08:00

My boss gave me a book as his “present” from a recent business trip. I have been reading a few pages though and I find myself interested to go. The book is entitled “How the Mighty Fall” authored by Jim Collins.

When it comes to management and leadership, I am more inclined to narrative-literature type of books. But these narrations are quite few since dealing with those topics is mostly by lecture.

While I was having my coffee break this morning, I was able to read a few pages again. It is about the trend towards the downfall of companies which the author termed as going through the “dark side”. I don’t know how the author did it, but I was actually hesitant to go on reading the next chapters for I am afraid of what he would say. Hahaha! I thought I can only have this feeling in novels or movies, just now have I learned that I can somewhat freak out in management books!

Tidbits of My Life!

2010-06-09T21:05:00.002+08:00

I’ve never been into writing lately that even my personal journal is not updated. But the memories I am keeping inside me are overflowing that inspite of the very hectic sched that I have, I need to pour them out and write them in.

May 22 – Luge ride with Honey, Sugar, Chacoolita and Lakwatsero at Sentosa, Singapore. It was my first time to try the luge, had so much fun! Bitin lang. Haha!

May 23 – Universal Studios, Singapore. Picture takings, wacky ones. Hated and loved the ride at The Mummy. Super enjoy at the Lost World (one of the stars was cute, hehe). Photo shoot with Puss. (hihi)

May 24 – laughing out loud at the MRT with the “gang”. Stories about the glittering stones of “Darna” and touching-the-ceiling-demo of Honey.

Midnight snacks and chats with Honey and Sugar.

Accountability sessions with Sugar and Chacoolita at the bus and Sentosa.

Quiet time and devotion with Honey and Sugar at Botanic garden. Rivers of tears.

May 30 – during the Sunday worship, God broke my heart and started remodeling it again about my ”pride”. Things are falling out from work, God reminded me to accept it and face the challenges again.

May 31 – Just when I’m missing someone, we were able to chat a little. Eased my loneliness.

June 5 – so tired from my business trip and was not feeling well. Inside the shuttle going to my hotel at about 10:30pm, I peeked from the window and saw a blissful of STARS in the sky. Made me smile.

June 6 – got my most needed rest, slept from 11:30pm to 9:00am! The hotel I stayed was far far from what I expected it to be, but it didn’t matter. I was recharged.

Afternoon delight - had Ferrero Rocher chocolates and Haagen-Dazs ice cream for dessert! Laughed at and enjoyed the film. Relaxed while listening to the music of Michael Jackson.

June 8 – laughed our hearts out, with Phen and Cathy. Mini-chats and simple yet refreshing moments.

Now that I’ve listed them down, I can go back to my work mode again. Feels good to blog after some time.

What a Start for the Week!

2010-05-05T11:23:00.002+08:00

I came from a long weekend. It was indeed very long because I got bored on the three-day rest. It’s so humid and hot and sticky lately. Not to mention that I was bed-ridden for most of that “rest”. Never been that sick for a longer time.

And today I am not really excited to go to office as I know a lot of to do’s are waiting for me. And I have no choice but to face them all. Or else, they will just pile up!

Oh it’s market day today in our town! It means TRAFFIC. Alright, the AC of Wyt is cool though so I better relax while I listen to the soft music played on the radio. People and motorbikes are everywhere. They just popped here and there. Relax. It is still a beautiful day.

Nearing that part of my driving where a sort of junction is, I pressed my horn to warn the white SUV from directly going through the traffic as it emerged from a side street. That was not so close. Then from my rearview mirror I can see that this white Montero has other SUV’s behind which look like a convoy for election candidates (there were no banners but the hazard lights are all on). As I noticed that they were in a hurry, I slowed down to give way. My patience turned to irritation. The convoy was actually cutting off the vehicles not just on their path but also with the other direction! Even on the bridge, where overtaking is prohibited, this convoy did not mind it at all. What made me angry though was when the white SUV went through the other lane (still on the bridge!) to almost colliding a big truck driving up the bridge! And the whole convoy followed! There were not just a few vehicles now, there was a number! Grrrr!!! Why do these drivers have to agitate the other motorists? What’s the hurry for?

As I look the convoy in front of me, there were negative thoughts playing on my mind. Do they own the road? Do they even pay their taxes lawfully? If they were indeed election candidates, what more can they do if they are in the position? I hope there were no accidents caused by those stupid motorists! Are the SUVs bought from their own pockets? I was really in such a bad mood that morning. Thankfully I was able to cut off the thought as I safely reached the office.

My day ended well though. Inspite of the load at work, I was still able to have my most needed peace and rest.

THRILLED (a.k.a KILIG)

2010-04-18T15:46:00.006+08:00

This may be a late post, and yeah I admit that some things are taking time before they sink in to me. Haha!

For this year, I was not that expectant for my birthday. Maybe because I am not excited to celebrate it since lately I am contemplating on another year that will be added to my age. (Hmmm, can that be considered a reason?? Hahaha). Anyway, I really did not expect for any extra special surprises this year.

My plan that day was to treat some very close friends from church for breakfast at our place. And in the afternoon, I will attend the renewing of vows of a couple who's close to my heart. That's my plan.

But God has other plans. Maybe He's thinking that MY plan was too simple for a princess. (grin)

I've been wanting yellow flowers since February. My friend maybe right, I think I'm already an addict! Addict to yellow flowers. Hehe! I love yellow and green, they are refreshing to the eyes and add happiness to my heart. And so because of that, I have already "imposed" to my dgroup that I want to receive yellow flowers!!! I even instructed them how to give those flowers to me. (Is this part of addiction? Or am I too demanding?) Hahaha!

I received from my dgroup the yellow flowers. Yeah! But what touched my heart was not the flowers after all. It's the time and effort they gave just to get those flowers. The sweat and the heat they endured just to make up for my "demand". Love you girls! They even made an AVP which really surprised me because my closest friends from college were there too. And of course, not to mention the kapamilya and kapuso stars who greeted me. Haha!

On the eve of my birthday, a friend even made a extra effort so he could be the first one to greet me on my exact birthday. It was special. (smile)

On the morning of my day, I am already contented with the yellow flowers I received. Then there were three yellow roses that come later. The yellow daisies were great, but the yellow roses are lovely too! It was also an EFFORT because I know getting those roses is really a challenge (based from feedbacks of the girls and other friends, haha!). Okay, okay... it was indeed a special day for me.

But God's surprises is not yet over. After sending my friends to take their ride home, I received yet another gift! A delivery man brought it to our home. It was in a very nice and tidy box. I was really shivering when I opened it (by the way, I needed a scissor to open it. That's how special and tight the seal was!). I felt that it's taking me forever before I could open it...I was speechless at the site of what's inside the box...a dozen fresh yellow roses arranged beautifully and neatly wrapped in special yellow paper! It come together with a sweet little bear. (I could even feel the tears as I write this part...) The gift was from my bestfriend. She's in Singapore but the distance did not hinder her to send me what I really like. Love you so much bes! God truly knows how to give my heart's desire for that day. God really knows how to make my day an extra special.

My happiness cannot be hidden. As I attended the wedding of my friends, people I met were telling me how beautiful I look that night. Modesty aside, I know it is God's love shining on me.

I was really thrilled. It really pays to be a special daughter of the King of kings, a beloved princess is what I mean...

P.S. My friend texted me a few days after. One of the guests from her wedding asked what my age is, her guest thought I was under 20!!! (wide grin)

T E A R S

2010-04-05T13:35:00.005+08:00

21 GUNS (by Green Day)

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

The first time I heard this song, I was instantly attracted to it. You won’t be easily attached to something if it has nothing to do with you. And yes, this song has to some extent, expressed what I undergone for the past months.

I was in lost, I don’t know what my heart was like. For about six months, it couldn’t feel anything. Weird as it may sound, I even tried reading stories or watching films that will let my tears out. But all did not move my heart to feel what I want to be feeling. Not that I don’t care at all, but my heart is not “behaving” like normal. (Oh no, I’m not having heart problems as per medically speaking.)

I give up thinking of ways on how my heart will go back to normal. I just want that one cry, a hard flow of tears which I believe would heal whatever hurt I was hiding inside. Then one of my friends said that maybe there was no pain at all that is why I can’t cry. I guess that one started to sink in, that maybe I have no hurt and no wound to heal.

I went back in living my routine – laughing out loud, going home excitedly, sleeping as long as I want, having my intimate conversation with God, talking to friends and serving in the ministry. All has started to go back to normal.

Then recently the most awaited tears have come out! I was hurt so deep that my eyes become a wellspring of tears (hapdi na ng eyes ko and the tears just keep on pouring out). It is ironic because inspite of the pain, I know I have my heart back! I was not happy for the cause of tears, it was really painful, the first time I felt it from someone I loved so much. But what made me glad is that I once again cried my heart out. I haven’t had an idea that I will be going such a trying time with someone so so close to me.

Again this may sound weird, but after that incident I felt that the excitement is back. Not that I am excited to cry every moment, but I am excited to talk to God, to serve Him and to feel Him even in the most simple ways.
All this time, it is just a matter of giving up and surrendering everything to God. Like in the song, I threw my arms into the sky and gave up “my” fight for the battle is not mine, it is the Lord’s.

The Other Side of Life

2010-03-08T13:36:00.004+08:00

What has life to offer me when I grow old? What’s there to look forward to beyond the biting cold?

You’ll guess that this entry is somewhat dramatic. The past weeks were unimaginable for me (and for my best friend as well). I was bombarded by serious problems. Well, not mine personally, but with problems of people who are dear to me. I was in shock while waiting for everything that is going on to sink into my finite understanding. I couldn’t believe that this is happening. One problem after the other. Eventhough I do not experience them myself but knowing your loved ones are undergoing difficulties, it’s as if I also am going through that same path with them.

Nothing is permanent in this fallen, imperfect world. The sweet and smooth sailing life can come to a point of breaking apart. The silent and peaceful every day can become a catastrophe of events. The consequences of past wrong choices will eventually take its course. Broken relationships, facing legalities, health fading away, faith swayed by deceit.

What is the normal reaction? Escape. Out. Isolation. If it is only that easy, but we all know that it’s not. And the hardest part is to accept that we all need to go through the process until this comes to pass.

I also have my own problems lately. Knowing these people who, inspite of what they are going through, have decided to face life and continue living. They inspire and encourage me to be the same. To keep focused and soar high. To be safe and secure in the eye of the storm.

This too shall pass. This too will end. This too is just the other side of life.

Tomorrow is another day. Looking for the brighter days. Hoping for greater things. God is faithful.

2010 Philippine Election

2010-02-26T14:58:00.003+08:00

Here comes the time when government officials are busy touring around the country and really getting sweat to meet and handshake every voter along the way.

For the presidentiables, I have my choice but it’s not yet final. In reality, I haven’t really studied the credentials of each candidate yet, or even just the “possibles” for that matter. The vice president, senators and below the ranks, will come later.

Just this week I watched from the news about the minorities in Zambales learning the new process of voting. I got goose bumps while seeing them study the electronic voting system. Some were nervous when they mis-inserted the ballot in the machine. Others grinned as they perfectly made it through. These are aetas doing their part so they can join and exercise their veto rights. And here I am having all the resources to do mine, but still reluctant and complacent with the coming election. But after watching that news, I was moved to start praying for and evaluating my candidates. I am one of those who are hoping that Philippine government will improve and I believe I should be doing my part as well. Yes, it may take a long time for the changes to happen but at least I can give my share.

I find it funny though when people ask me who's my bet for the president's role and then when I give my answer, they usually say (in shocked), "Oh, really?" Sorry guys, maybe next time just tell me yours if that is what you want to say.

As the election date comes nearer, I pray that there will be less violence and less deceit as we wait on who will take those positions and take the lead in managing our dear beloved country. There are many sweet promises and good plans being laid down for the Filipinos, will they ever come true? I hope so…

Christmas Letter

2010-02-01T09:13:00.003+08:00

I always wanted to go back to school. I was thinking of enrolling for a masteral's degree or even a short-term course on chemistry or animal nutrition. But probably my willingness is not enough to start any of it. So when the GLC course was opened, I excitedly enrolled!

It was fun attending classes again. I got the Saturday schedule and after all these months, every Saturday class is an exciting day for me. I make it a point that I wake up early so I won't be late (we have a high-tech sign-in process so late comers are detected, hehehe).

Every now and then, we have projects and assignments. And last December we have been given a project to write a letter to someone we do not know. I am not really sure if my letter was given to anyone, but I find it interesting to share what I wrote (if there are people who might drop by at this site and hopefully they are Pinoy, hehehe). I love writing letters to friends and loved ones and so when this project was given, I enthusiastically wrote down what's in my mind and what's in my heart.
I hope you will find this worth reading...

December, 2009

Sa isang minamahal,

Mapagpalang araw sa iyo!

Marahil ay nagtataka ka sa pagtanggap mo ng liham na ito. Nais ko lamang ibahagi sa iyo ang kaunting kwento ng aking buhay at dalangin ko na sana ay ma-bless ka habang binabasa mo ito.

Ako ay si Marie Clemente, single at nakatira sa Calumpit, Bulacan. Nasa grade 5 ako noon nang malaman kong di pala totoo si Santa Claus. Alam mo bang tuwing Pasko ay excited ako sa regalong matatanggap ko kay Santa Claus? Minsan ay di talaga ako natutulog pagkatapos ng noche Buena dahil gusto kong makita nang personal si Santa Claus. Kaya ganun na lang ang disappointment ko nang malaman kong di pala tuna yang pinaniniwalaan ko. Maraming taon at Pasko na ang lumipas ngunit hanggang ngayon ay naaalala ko pa rin ang pangyayaring iyon.

Mayroon pang isang pangyayari sa buhay ko na hinding hindi ko malilimutan. Lumaki akong pala-simba at ang aming pamilya ay nagdarasal ng sabay-sabay. Maayos ang aking pag-aaral at hindi ako sakit sa ulo ng aking mga magulang. Sa tingin ko ay walang problema sa akin. Mabait ako. Yun ang alam ko. Ngunit isang araw ay may nag-share sa akin tungkol kay Hesus. Buong akala ko ay ayos na ayos na ako. Nalaman kong makasalanan pala ako. Nagsisinungaling, nag-iisip ng hindi maganda sa kapwa, sumasagot sa magulang – ang lahat pala ng ito ay katumbas din ng malalaking kasalanan. Ang kasalanan pala sa mata ng Diyos ay pantay-pantay. Pinaka natakot ako nang malaman kong ang kabayaran ng kasalanan ay kamatayan – kamatayang papunta sa impyerno. Ayokong mapunta ang kaluluwa ko sa impyerno. Laking tuwa ko nang ipaliwanag sa akin ang lalim ng pagmamahal ng Diyos sa akin. Gayon na lamang ang pag-ibig ng Diyos sa akin kaya’t pinadala Nya ang nag-iisa Nyang Anak na si Hesus para Sya ang tumubos ng aking kasalanan. Sya ang nagbayad na dapat ako ang gaganap. Ang kapalit ng Kanyang kamatayan ay ang kapatawaran ng aking kasalanan, ang pagkakaroon ko ng buhay na walang hanggan at ang pagbibigay sa akin ng karapatan na maging anak ng Diyos. Ang lahat ng ito ay regalo ng Diyos, ang kailangan lang ay tanggapin ang regalong ito. Tulad ng paghihintay ko noon sa regalo ni Santa Claus, excited ko ding tinanggap ang regalong binigay ni Hesus. Buong pagpapakumbaba kong inamin ang aking kasalanan, hiningi ng tawad ang mga ito at malaya kong binuksan ang aking puso para kay Hesus. Nakadama ako ng tunay na kaligayahan sa aking puso. Ngayong alam kong natanggap ko na ang pinaka mahalagang regalo sa buong mundo – ang kasiguraduhan ng pagkakaroon ko ng tunay na relasyon sa Diyos at ang kasiguraduhan na pag ako’y nawala na dito sa mundo, diretso akong mapupunta sa kaharian ang aking Amang nasa langit.

Ikaw, natanggap mo na ba ang pinakamahalagang regalo? Kung hindi pa, sana’y huwag mong palagpasin ang pagkakataong ito na tanggapin ang regalo ni Hesus. Lumapit ka sa Kanya at buong pusong ibigay ang buhay mo. Naghihintay Sya sa iyo.

Ngayong kapaskuhan, inaalala natin ang pagsilang ni Hesus – ang Kanyang birthday. Dalangin ko na ngayong taon ay madama mo ang tunay na dahilan ng Pasko. Ipinanganak si Hesus para sa iyo. Nabuhay Sya bilang tao para sa iyo. Namatay Sya sa krus para sa iyo. At nabuhay Syang muli para sa iyo. Kaibigan, ang pagmamahal ni Hesus ay para sa iyo. Ikaw ang laging laman ng Kanyang puso. Ikaw ang laging laman ng Kanyang isipan. Ganyan ka Nya kamahal. Alam ko dahil na-experience ko ito. Ako ay nagpapatotoo sa kabutihan at pag-ibig ng Diyos.

Isang makabuluhang Pasko ang iniiwan ko sa iyo. Naghihintay na ang regalo mo. Buksan at tanggapin mo.

Maraming salamat sa pagbabasa mo ng liham ko. Hindi man tayo magkakilala ng personal, dalangin kong magkikita tayo sa kaharian ng Diyos balang araw.

Mahal na mahal ka ng Diyos!

Gumagalang,

Marie Clemente

Dreamed About You

2010-01-27T17:00:00.003+08:00

Twice I saw you in my sleep. I know I haven’t thought much about you lately, but for those two nights I saw you again.

You were on your usual mood, happy and wacky. But I noticed the peace and control that you have. The serenity I longed to see in you, and I was so glad to glimpse a moment of it.

Last Friday, I was reminded of God’s power on Ami Ortiz’s miraculous healing and recovery. Inspite of the explosion he suffered, he was perfectly restored and healed. While hearing his testimony I can’t help but think about you. Will you still be with us if we prayed the same way as Ami’s dad prayed? Will you still come with us to wherever we plan to go? Will you enjoy it bonding more with us, with me? But at that time, all I can do was to embrace your mom who was crying hard too.

I thought the flow of tears has stopped, but I was wrong.

Peth, I still miss you…

The Simple Things Just Are

2010-01-11T15:28:00.004+08:00

I’m the kind of person who appreciates the simple things, well though not often verbalized, but I do love those simple things. The chirping of birds in the morning, the bright moon at night, the fireworks from somewhere, an unexpected short note from a friend, butterfly kisses from my nephews, warm embrace from loved ones, surprise visit from old friends – these are the simple things.

My former officemate, Nixon, never fails to surprise and touch my heart every year. We were not that close when he was still in the company but his simple ways of letting you know he still remembers, is what I appreciate the most. And though we have not seen each other since he transferred to another company, our communication is left open.

Based on the “love language test”, receiving gifts is not on the top of my list (this doesn’t mean I don’t like gifts, I love receiving them too!) and though Nixon doesn’t know this, he gives gifts when Christmas comes. The gifts may not be extravagant but they keep me excited every time I see his name on the card. Without opening the gift yet, I know that he touches my heart for always remembering. Somehow he manages to drop by or send the gifts to us girls (I assume that only the girls get these gifts, haha!) which the women termed it as “EFFORT”. Even if he is as busy as we are, he still finds time to shop gifts for us (Nix, or is it your wife who does the shopping? Hehe).

And for the longer time, I have managed to still keep his gifts on my table.

2005 – the red soccer-stress ball (hmmm, I haven’t used this yet. I’m afraid that I won’t be squeezing it when I get stressed because I might throw that ball to someone. Hahaha!)
2006 – tiny doggy toy (one hand is always on a high-five pose)
2007 – peach-dressed clown (with a lovely smile)
2008 – cellphone bag (this one I keep in my other bag, for I am still using it not for my cellphone but for my Ipod shuffle, hehehe)
2009 – very colorful and cutey paper clips (this is my favorite so far for they got my colors!)

Nix, now you need to think what would be your gift this year! Hahaha! More than the gifts, thank you for remembering and for keeping in touch. Hope we could go out one time with the rest of our friends here in Cargill. God bless you and do take care always.

And the simple things just are…

The Year That Was

2010-01-04T08:22:00.002+08:00

While most of the people were happily celebrating the new year, I joined the rest who silently sleep and decided to quietly let the old year pass.

I have a lot in my mind as I start this entry but eventually chosen not to write them all. I could say that I started 2009 on high, and if I’ll base the year’s ending on my own, sablay. Fortunately, what matters most is my relationship with God. Inspite of my rebellion, Jesus committed to love me all the days of my life. I am secured.

Year 2009 was filled with so many unforgettable moments. Laugh, fun, hurts, pains, lost, kilig, excitements, disappointments, frustrations, surprises, adventure, love, tears, and so much more – all these I have experienced. Some may have been avoided, but all things happen for a reason.

It was a good year though for all areas in my life, and I’m looking forward to a better one this year.

Why it is unforgettable?

2009-12-23T12:41:00.007+08:00

My friend, Weng, started bugging me on taking a vacation away from Bulacan and Cavite since the time she learned that her boss allowed her to take some time off from Dubai.

We searched for places to go until it was decided that it’ll be in Palawan. I was of course excited for it will be my first time to see the famous Palawan. After the hustle and bustle of travel booking, our feet finally set on the island on the day of December 6, 2009.

Weng was agitated by the disappointment and frustrations she got from her other friend. Fortunately she was able to calm down before we set for our first activity.

First day was spent in a city tour. Went to Iwahig prison, crocodile farm (the difference of this from the rest I’ve seen is that this farm got the biggest crocodiles!), baker’s hill (this is my favorite for the ambiance was very nice, it’s like you’re not in the Philippines), Mitra’s ranch, and many others. Not bad for a trip though.

Second day was my favorite. We’ve seen the world’s famous underground river, it was amazing. I was totally entertained by our bangkero, though he is like a recorder for he’s been in the job 16 years of his life. We had our lunch at the beach. We have other co-tourists and somehow we got easily connected with each other. Our trip was spent laughing and talking. Going back to the hotel, I was so tired and sleepy. The others planned on having coffee after doing some shopping. And they have to “force” me to come. (Feeling ko ang arte ko kasi pinilit pa nila ako). After the short shopping, we went out for coffee. Deri, one of the most comedic in our group, treated us not just for coffee but also for an entertainment. He’s a fan of magic and he showed us some of his antics. We had the best afternoon full of laugh and entertainment.

The last day we spent on island hopping. Did snorkeling and a lot of boat rides. Bohol remains to be my favorite. Biased! Haha! The next time I’ll visit Palawan, I want to see El Nido. (grin)

Going back to Deri, he told us that he’s a photographer. But I didn’t know that he’s not just an ordinary photographer. I’ve searched his name in the net, and this is what I found…

Ibarra Deri, a renowned portraitist, is the first photographer to be included in Huwaran Filipino Achievement Awards' Who's Who in the Philippines. Deri (as he prefers to be called) started photography as a simple hobby. He has three college degrees unrelated to photography: a bachelor's degree biological sciences, a masters degree in teaching in biological sciences, and a degree in dentistry. For love of portraiture, he founded the Society of Portrait Photographers of the Philippines. An avid magician, Deri spices up his photography lectures with magic tricks. He owns and operates three photography studios in both Metro Manila and Bicol.

Are you kidding me?! He took these shots for me and my friend…for free!!!

Boys Will be Boys

2009-12-10T15:27:00.002+08:00

Last night, IC invited us to a dinner in celebration of his allegedly “24th” birthday. It was initially planned as a boy’s dine out but for some reasons, the girls were invited as well. And being my “favorite bodyguard”, I set my time for IC. Kahit tampururot sya because I was not able to greet him on the day of his birthday. Haha!

I didn’t know who from the girls are coming but for one I was certain that Minette will join since I contacted her in the morning. She was my personal driver on going to the meeting place (thank you sis, love you). It turned out that it was only me and Minette who will join the dinner from the girls. Before going to Buslo, we even thought that we’ll get OP since it was an “11 boys vs. 2 girls” dinner. Nevertheless, nandun na kami so might as well enjoy IC’s blowout.

Being the only two girls, the men let us sit near the middle. IC started to order crispy pata, bulalo, sisig, etc., etc. Wow, as Minette said di pang-100 ang order ni IC! Pang 65 lang, dahil di ka na aabutin ng 100 years sa taas ng cholesterol ng mga food that were ordered. Haha! I requested for “chicken bahay guya” for it was my favorite.

When the food came, all was excited to eat. Arms, hands, voices, bowls, plates are moving. I was a bit shocked to see these men eating excitedly and tumatayo pa talaga sila to get the food that they want, di talaga sila nahiya samin ni Minette. Hehe. And to my surprise, my request was being feasted by these men! I suddenly shouted, “IC, kinukuha nila order ko!!!” (Nagsumbong! Hahaha). And IC responded, “Sino? Sino?”, as if he can prevent them. In fairness to the men, they stopped and let me get my share. But after 2-3 seconds, my order was gone! Hahaha! Good thing I was able to spare a small amount for Minette so she can taste it. SR only got the sauce! Whew!

After a few minutes, all plates were cleaned. As in bones na lang (literal, buto!) ang natira. Walang kiyeme, walang nasayang, walang natira. Even the soup, ubos! Finished! That ends the “11 boys vs. 2 girls” dinner.

If it were the other way, the scene for “11 girls vs. 2 boys” dinner will be like this: After 30 minutes, you’ll hear the women saying, “sino pa may gusto ng crispy pata? Dami pa dito.” And, “uy, wag na kayo magtira, sayang yung sisig.” And, “take out na lang natin yung bulalo, di naman halos nagalaw.” And after 10 more minutes, the two men are surrounded by the rest of the food which is their favorite part of the dinner. Haha!

I had fun last night, these men are so honest, so true, di man lang nagkunwari sa harap ng pagkain. Hahaha! Thanks for the fun and the food and the trip mga bro. Boys will always be boys.

We ended the night at DQ. I had my all-time favorite brownie temptation blizzard. Sarap!

Let's get "natural" this time...

2009-11-17T21:38:00.006+08:00

I am fascinated by nature. Who's not anyway?

For the past two months, nature played a not so good game. Floods here and there. Typhoons come and go. Landslides on highlands. Calamities were everywhere. Was that fascinating? I don't think so. . . cause I was a victim of high-level flood, trapped in water for days!

But lately nature is taking its natural course again, well as for me. I've never been that close to a rainbow! It was last Saturday during our single's retreat in Antipolo. My job for the amazing race was over when my feet led me to another station. I didn't have anything to do that time so I just followed where my feet were going. Reaching the station, I was too lazy to go and see the players. I sat at the fence and reluctantly watched the others enjoying the game. Until I noticed Lio was taking photos of me! I was thinking maybe my mood was an ironic object for such an event. And then she told, "may rainbow sa likod mo." What? A rainbow at my back? Whoo-la, there's a rainbow indeed! It was so big and so clear that I want to touch it. The rainbow is just on the other mountain! So lively and so lovely... Too bad I didn't bring the cable of my phone, I couldn't post the photo here. Anyway, I was actually contemplating on something that time and I was too glad to see that rainbow. It lifted my spirit.

And today, I travelled for more than 4 hours by car. I've been to long trips, but this one was different for we (together with my colleagues) travelled through mountains. No zig-zags, no diziness, no accidents, just pure leisure travel. Malaysia is so rich in beautiful mountains with green everywhere (my fave color!). Loved our trip eventhough it took us more than 4 hours before reaching Penang.

And of course, these "nature tripping" brought my senses back to myself. I miss "me". The focused, organized, joyful and full of spirit lady. Maybe nature is reminding me to be in my natural self again. Though I know it's my Dad's way of telling that He is also missing the "natural" me... I'm going back (really trying) to Whom I belong.

Letting You Go…

2009-10-28T14:14:00.001+08:00

You were wearing a red shirt and maong pants when your dad introduced us to each other. I cannot remember the exact date, but it was in Hiyas Convention at the youth bs hall. You were covering your face with your right hand as if ashamed or embarrassed, but you were smiling. From then on, you become a regular face I see every week.

As time goes by, I learned more about you. So carefree, pasaway, maingay and most of all – sobrang masayahin. You may be annoying dahil sa kaingayan at kakulitan mo. But you continued to attend bs and dgroups. I remember you didn’t want to go to college. You didn’t want to study anymore. But after completing your college degree, you have another wish – you don’t want just an entry level in a company, you want to be there at once – at the top position. You shared that you don’t want to get married too, but later I found out that you even got a man before I have! Haha!

These words may not reach you now. But I want to say “thank you”. I learned to be more patient, to pray harder, to laugh more, to talk less and to listen more, to love and appreciate the people around me. Your transfer to Clang’s dgroup, I didn’t talk about it formally. It was hard for me, I just knew it’s time that I let you go. I’ve seen you’re maturing, being more responsible in your own ways. And I was glad that you accepted it, as I expected you would.

I’ve seen you cried once, and I regret that I was not that emphatic with you then. I didn’t understand how painful it was, but I know you’re hurting. We had the longest conversation (kahit thru text lang) that time. I wished I felt for you but that’s all I can do for you then, to be there and listen to what you’ll say.

Happy times, we have so many for laugh and fun are part of you. I won’t forget our time in Balay Indang, I was so glad when you said that you enjoyed the retreat. Your lips mentioned so many good things, it was a confirmation for me that you are really growing. But above all, I am most happy for I knew you have Jesus in your heart.

You were wearing a pink-stripped sort of jump suit (only fashionistas like you know what that dress is called, haha!) when you asked if you have kissed me already. I said, “di pa.” And then you kissed me and said, “aalis kasi ako. Bye.” It was sweet and sincere. We were in the new CCF worship hall, my first time to attend the service. And my last time to see you in your usual smiling face.

The first and the last encounter I have with you, they are treasured forever in my heart. I never thought letting you go could be this painful. Tears will stop from falling, but for now I just let them flow…

Peth, paalam… I’ll see you up there…

We Were Not Spared…

2009-09-30T08:38:00.000+08:00

From God’s umbrella of protection and provision.

Philippines is in the hot news again. This time because of the raging recent typhoon that devastated the center of the country. “Ondoy” is now part of one of the most tragic event of the nation.

I wasn’t aware of this typhoon as I woke up that Saturday morning. I needed to move fast or else I will be late again in the GLC class. Rain has started to cover the roads. Before I left the house, I was able to utter a simple prayer for the Marilao women’s retreat. As I look at my schedule that day, going to that retreat is impossible.

After class, the rain even intensified. All I know is the weather that day was not one of my favorites. In the afternoon, as we are about to have our singles’ meeting, a chruchmate informed us that some who went to the Marilao retreat were stranded by flood. As for me, I didn’t take the news seriously, thinking that very soon water will subside.

During and after the meeting, the heavy downpour didn’t stop. We were supposed to have our dgroup when one of my friends received a text message from her mom informing her to go home early. Her parents were trapped at the NLEX. Another friend texted us that she cannot attend as her mom also advised her to go home instead. Yet another one informed us that she left her office at 2pm but transportation is impossible. We decided to have a minute of prayer instead of having dgroup discussion. And I went home immediately as the rain continued to rage and this time together with strong winds.

As I reached home, I thought of the people who were still on the road and silently shot a prayer for them. Hours passed until I heard my brothers talking that water is coming in to our place. I immediately prayed and asked God to spare us from flood. I also texted my friends to pray for us too. Now I fully understand that the situation is serious and critical.

When I woke up that morning, water is now in our garage. Thank God, it didn’t enter the first floor of our house. All throughout the day news about the tragic effect of typhoon were shown in the television, text messages and radio stations. I have friends and relatives who were stranded for more than 16 hours in their cars, some slept not at their homes, and others spent tireless hours just to reach their houses. As I watched and heard of the hopeless tragedy, I felt how God protected my family. We are all safe in our home. That Sunday we even celebrated the 2nd birthday of my nephew, Jumong. Our properties are secured. We have plenty of food supply. My eldest sister and I were talking during dinner and she said, “Ang sarap naman ng food natin, kahit baha ang dami nating pagkain.”

I also felt the love and concern of our closest friends. Calls and text messages from people who I do not regularly talk with, made their way to contact us just to know how we are and to extend their concern. Indeed, it is during these times that you will know people who really care. I am so thankful to my college friends, churchmates and colleagues who called and sent us text messages. My cousin who’s in the States was one of the very first to give us a ring (she was actually my alarm clock that Sunday morning, hehe). And most of all, I am grateful that God protected me and my whole family. It pays to be a “beloved princess”.

I wouldn’t mention the details of the worse scenarios that happened, everything is in the news and internet anyway. What I want to say is that, life is too short to be wasted. In just a blink of an eye, all can perish. Nothing is permanent here on earth. Even inside the house, it is not safe. The question that rings to my mind now is, “what will I be doing when my time comes?” I hope and pray that when God calls me, I am busy… obeying what He has commanded me.

Jam-Packed Week

2009-09-18T09:10:00.002+08:00

Or should I say jam-packed weeks?

Do you experience doing so many things yet it seems like you’re not accomplishing anything? And the pile of to-do’s gets higher? That would be the description of my week. It started last month when my works were all important and urgent, so the less important and less urgent ones were left behind. And this week I was able to start doing those jobs. Guess what? It’s Friday now but it looks like I just completed one-fourth of it!

My sleep is also incomplete. I think it was only Monday night that I was able to have a decent (7-hour sleep is a decent one for me) sleep. This will be my routine maybe until Saturday. The work at the office and the activities in the ministry flooded me at the same time. Not that I’m complaining or grumbling, I’m just not prepared for it. Or a more proper way to say it is I did not prepare myself for it.

Well, this Saturday’s one-day retreat is keeping me excited. I know God has a good plan for it and I’m glad I could be part of it. I am a bit anxious though for the group we will be facilitating is composed of married women and probably beyond our age. Nevertheless, this is gonna be a different experience again. (By the way, I haven’t attended the facilitator’s training nor the review of materials. How in the world will I go through the breakout? – Panic!)

I made this entry hoping to keep my sanity…

Weekend Getaway

2009-09-04T09:33:00.006+08:00

Define a great weekend. Being with your loved ones (family/friends/partners) in a blue-watered paradise, having fun, trying different activities, laughing together, posing at the cameras, chatting nonstop, eating good food – all at a very reasonable price.

For the very first time, our singles dgroup had an out of town vacation. We went to Puerto Galera in Mindoro. It was also my first time in Galera. We planned this trip months ago and thanks to the organizers, we were able to go.

We left Bulacan very early in the morning of Saturday and reached Galera at past 11am. The trip was good, all of us eleven were excited. Days before the trip, we invited some men to join us since we are all girls. SR, IC and Mic became our official bodyguards for the 2-day vacation. Guys, pwede ba ulit namin kayo kunin for the next outing? Hehehe.

Upon reaching the place, IC started to haggle with hotel price. We were able to get nice and inexpensive rooms. It’s not that hot but I still got the best mango-banana shake for the day. (Sorry guys, you tasted a different one the next day). After lunch, we prepared to go on snorkeling. We made some fishy conversations under water with our life-vests and snorkels on. And of course, posing for more water photos. On our way back, the waves started to make friends with us by vigorously shaking our boat! We were frightened at first but later on enjoyed the shaky ride. What I enjoyed most was our conversation during the trip. Jenna, I will always remember you when I see the waves because this is when you proclaimed your “threat” to all of us. Hahaha.

The finale activity for the day is super fun! My first time to ride a banana boat. I was anxious at the start for I really don’t know how it operates. Well actually, the boat looks more like a pencil rather than a banana (hahaha). A motor boat will pull the banana boat and it will twist the banana to turn 180 degrees (called as “drop”) at an unexpected time. The banana riders must let go of the string they’re holding to and fall freely to the water. We had four drops and each drop is a different experience. First drop, yeah it was a first time so it was really a surprise. Second drop, still a surprise but now you’ll be more careful not to drink more sea water. Third drop, yes still a surprise for you don’t know who will you fall on to. Last and final drop, is yet another surprise because you don’t know who will fall on you! And each time we fall, we need to go back to the banana boat – this was a real challenge to us and to the guides. The sun has started to set at the time we had this activity so it was not that burning hot. Banana boat ride is the best experience but the worst too. At one drop I just felt that the sea water is flowing directly to my esophagus! I learned that it’s not easy to ride back to the boat when there’s no one to help you. I got most of my “pasa” from it. Want to ride again? You bet, I will. Hahaha.

After dinner, we walked by the beach and posed again at the camera. There were some night shows but we were never that interested so the group decided to spend the night in our room. We had some games and the Q&A portion where we learned more about each other. I won’t tell anything – confidentiality, hehehe. Girls will be girls – after the games, the ladies spent another hour talking. At about 2am, we finally slept.

At sunrise the next day, we walked to the rocky side of the beach where we had our devotion. Each of us spent a moment of solitude with God, each of us has our own personal message from the Father, and each of us became His messenger to deliver His word to one another. It was a different intimate encounter with our Creator.

Our boat ride back to Batangas made me dizzy because of the strong wind which caused the waves to shake the boat really hard. I had the worst feeling – sweat and nausea attacked me. Thank God, we were able to reach the port safely. Our ride back to our individual home was smooth and safe.

Monet – ang cute ng kakulitan mo, okay sa mga hirit. Thank you sa orange sarong, sa uulitin. Galing mo gumawa ng itinerary. Hupa na ba maga ng eyes mo? Hehehe.

Clarisse – natuloy din tayo! Ayos ba yung birthday gift ko sayo? Hahaha. Peace tayo ha. I enjoyed our short talk going to Malolos.

Jenna – ang mga one-liner mo nagmamarka talaga. Hahaha. Stay beautiful sis.

Cha – galing mo talaga kumuha ng shots. Buti na lang you brought your camera. Isa ka palang “masa” – masandal, tulog! Hehehe. Were you able to let SR sign your form?

Anna Rose – ibang klase ang kakikayan mo sis! You’re the only one – with dangling earrings, shell-necklace and bangles while snorkeling! Thank you for sharing to us what’s in your heart.

Lorna – sis, kahit super pagod ka, super enjoy naman. Bagay sayo ang yellow sundress mo, pang Ms. U talaga.

Ade – for sure super unforgettable sayo ang lakad na ‘to. First time mo to go overnight with us away from home!

IC – my favorite bodyguard dahil sa skills nya sa pangbabarat, dami kami na-save na money. Hehehe.

Mic – isa ka palang “sensitive” na tao at madaming kwento sa buhay . . . pag-ibig. Hahaha. Thank you sa pagbitbit ng bag ko.

SR – thank you for the very rare opportunity that you let me make kwento naman, pero mas madami ka pa ring kwento than me. Haha!

No doubt, it was a great fun weekend. So guys, where’s the next outing?

Monday Blues

2009-08-17T09:40:00.001+08:00

We all experience these Monday blues especially when we came from a great weekend – spent most of the time in bed, watched those tv programs without getting bored, ate enough but good food. And so when Monday comes, you feel lazy to go to work and start the week again.

But this Monday is a different one for me. I was actually looking forward for today! Why? It’s because last week I found out that I have so many to do’s. Haha! So I was excited to start my list and would you believe I woke up before 6am today! (For those who truly know me, 6am is an early wake up time for me). I reached the office at 8am (again, 8am is truly early. I usually arrive at the office 15-30 minutes past 8. Hehe).

Before doing anything, I opened my laptop so that while I do my pre-work stuff (going to powder room, clean my desk, take out my phones, etc.) my weekend emails can be downloaded in my inbox. And guess what? After 1.5hours of waiting, my email is not moving! So I checked my to do’s and started with one that I haven’t completed the week before. Same thing, after more than an hour, it is still running (I am running a calibration update using a mathematical software). I get frustrated because my high hopes for today were faced by the slowness of our server connection…

This is the Monday sickness in our IT system. You will hear from almost everyone a grumble or complaint about the connection speed. The funny thing is we regularly experience this but we still grumble!

For the twist of my Monday story, early today a colleague sent me a very energetic morning greeting through our internal office chat. She doesn’t usually greet me in the mornings so I get excited when I received that message from her. Inspite of the usual Monday blues (and sickness too), she was able to influence a sense of hope again to me. Thanks pal!

I smell the aroma of coffee, almost time for our morning break. I’d better grab a cup of hot coffee while I’m waiting.

Careful

2009-07-22T13:20:00.004+08:00

“Sssscrreeecchhhhh!!!” That ‘s the only sound I heard as I stepped hard on my breaks and breathtakingly hoped that I could stop before it’s too late.

The road was clear, it was about 10:15 in the evening yesterday on my way home after our dgroup. I was driving silently and noticed a motorcycle a few meters ahead from my right side. On my left were policemen who stand by at that familiar site as they attend to their usual duty of randomly checking and inspecting the vehicles. The motorcycle in front of me suddenly slowed down, I was on my normal speed until I noticed a signboard in the middle of the road! My initial reflex was to turn right so as not to hit the signage but all of a sudden the motorcycle (now in front of me!!!) was turning left without any signal!!! I stepped as hard as I can on my breaks. ”SScccrreeeeccchhh!!!” My tires stopped before my car hit the motorcycle.

The Sunday incident is still very fresh. On our way home from church, we had an accident. I was the one driving. I was moving on the other side of the road because my mother needs to buy something for tatay. Slowly I pulled over to the left side, with my signal on, when all of a sudden we heard a loud “crraaaassshhh!!!” half-way my turn. I looked at my side mirror and saw a motorcycle at our back. I didn’t know if I will go out from the car (probably I was praying that we can go home immediately and this is not happening). My brother approached the driver of that motorcycle who had bruises on his arms and leg, and a deep violet mark on his face. He has no helmet and the front of his motor was severely damaged. A few minutes later, I stepped out of the car and went to the man. I asked him, “Ano po ba?” (Ano po ba nangyari? Ano po ba gagawin natin? These were actually the questions in my mind). The man said, “Ok na yung sasakyan, tulungan mo na lang akong magpagamot.” I haven’t given him a direct answer, I just said that we’ll call the police so the incident can be investigated.

In both incidents, naramdaman ko ang nginig sa katawan ko. I don’t know what to do, whom to call, how to get out of it. Last night, I cried, I forced myself to let out the tears because deep inside I was very, very scared. Kinakausap ko si God, “Bakit naman ganun? Bakit ang bilis naman ng repeat? Sunday and then Tuesday?" I needed to say that, I have to let it out.

And in both incidents, I experienced how real God is, how faithful He is with His words, how He protects His children. Sunday accident didn’t cause any harm to my family, all was safe. With me were my two 6-year old and 1 year old nephews, my 8th month pregnant sister in law, my 72-year old mom, my teenager niece, my eldest sister and brother. A little bent damaged my father’s car, but I consider it very minimal. Last night’s was God’s hand in action. I drove home as if nothing happened. My prayer for safety is even intensified and I could say I am more careful now with my driving. I told God to help me focus on His character and His grace because there were negative things that are running through my mind. I remember the testimony from that Sunday preaching, I told God that I want the same peace, the peace that transcends all understanding. I had a good night sleep for I know God granted my prayer.

I remember that I prayed to have an encounter with God because I can feel that my spirit is getting weak. If only we can choose the encounters we could have just to make our spirit alive and passionate again. Now I get the point, be careful with what you’re asking for. Hahaha.

I don’t like motorcycles, just by seeing them, I can feel the risks and dangers along the road. But whenever I see a motorcycle, it also reminds of someone. And because of the two incidents… is God trying to humor me? LOL

I Miss "Home"

2009-06-29T18:04:00.007+08:00

All I want is to be back, to where I was weeks or months before. Words cannot explain how I feel lately, I don’t know how far I’ve been to. All I know is that I miss “home”.

“Home” is a place where you are most comfortable with. According to Wikipedia, a home is a place of comfort and refuge. I miss my place of refuge, the place where I am safe and secured.

How and when was my “going away from home” started? It was when I decided to be on my own and be far from the truth. It was so subtle. It was not a complete fun. It was a dangerous adventure. I knew all these but have put them only at the back of my mind. I was disappointed with myself, I thought I was strong. I continued my journey to the other side of the road, deliberately neglecting the signs and warnings along the way. I made some U-turns, but those are not enough to bring me back “home”.

Until I came to the point where I needed to stop. I have to rest and recharge for my journey. It was at this time that I turned back and saw how far I was from "home". I looked to where I am going and saw nothing. I was tired. I was hopeless. I was drained. I wanted to explode. I wished that this is just a dream and nothing is real. But the more I wanted to escape, the more I see that all is true.

I need to make a decision, a tough and firm decision. Twice, I was saved from a head-on collision (deep compromise) by Someone who never left me nor forsaken me. He was there all the time, waiting for me every morning to turn to Him and let Him take the wheel. He could have said boldly every single mistake I did right in front of my face, but He didn’t. Never have I heard any condemnation from Him. Never have I felt Him getting impatient of me. Never have I heard Him blaming me. All I see is His love, His concern and His grace towards me. I looked at Him, gave Him the wheel and surrendered my cause. He held my hand and together we go back “home”. Thank You, my Daddy God.

(The Warrior is a Child by Twila Paris)

Lately I've been winning battles left and right

But even winners can get wounded in the fight

People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years

But they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears.

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

Deep inside this armour - the warrior is a child.

Unafraid because His armour is the best

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest.

People say that I'm amazing - never face retreat

But they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet.

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and look up for a smile

'Cause deep inside this armour...
Deep inside this armour...

Deep inside this armour...

The warrior is a child.

Taking a Risk

2009-05-25T19:11:00.004+08:00

Every month, we receive an inspiring article together with our payslip. This is one of my favorites - every statement is true. I'm not a risk-taker, maybe because I am afraid of what the outcome would be. It might sound boring, but that's what I am. Until I learned that I can still take a risk, a calculated risk, at times. Here it goes...

One simply cannot live without taking risks. Risk is woven into every aspect of our daily experience.

· To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
· To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
· To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
· To expose feelings is to risk exposing our true selves.
· To place your ideas, your dreams, before the crowd is to risk loss.
· To love is to risk not being loved in return.
· To change is to risk acceptance.
· To hope is to risk despair.
· To try at all is to risk failure.

Even so, the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. Because the person who risks nothing:
· accomplishes nothing,
· has nothing,
· feels nothing,
· and in the end, becomes nothing.

Don’t be afraid to take a calculated risk. Risk is essential for growth in every area of life and change is part of life.

One of the greatest risk I've ever done is placing my faith in Jesus. No regrets eversince. . .

Little Surprises

2009-04-29T18:54:00.004+08:00

This day is another busy day for me. After days of not reporting in the office, I already expected the tons of workload waiting for me. Actually, before and after a business trip, I am really busy. This is my routine.

So today, my second day after the trip, I planned to start four jobs and wishfully hoping to progress, if not to complete, all four. I readied myself for days of overtime at the office this week. I even posted my to-do list in my cubicle, which by the way are all urgent and important!

But turned out that the urgent works were cut into two! (1st surprise) I received an email stating that one of the projects cannot be started due to some technical problems. (Yehey!!!). And the other one, I need to wait for the completion of additional data before I can start with it. (Another hurray!). (2nd surprise)

I joyfully started with the first project. It took me half of the day to complete the 50%. But unfortunately something was not right. I have to re-do everything! That means my precious 4-5hours was wasted. (sigh)

I looked back at the two surprises I got in the morning, that motivated me to start all over again. And just before 7pm, I was able to complete it 100%! Faster and with better results. (3rd surprise).

Tomorrow, I will start the other project. And I'm expectant to receive little surprises again. (grin)

I stopped counting my daily blessings for a moment, its a good to bring it back. I missed it...

Current thoughts...

2009-04-28T17:01:00.005+08:00

Breaking the bond is difficult especially if the thing that's holding you is hard to let go.
You can't let go because you still want the link.
You are attached to the link because you are enjoying what it gives.
You are enjoying because you somehow need it.
You need it because you find your satisfaction with it.
But you know it really cannot satisfy.
And you are in bondage even if you know that you have to let go.
Eventhough you know that in the end, it won't matter.
It won't matter because it is not right.
It is not right because Someone is not pleased.
You know He is not pleased, but you still continue...

And now you are trapped.
Cannot let go, even if you want to.
Because deep inside, you don't really want to.
Life, its complicated.
Emotion, its deceptive.
Bondage breaking, its a hard thing.
It involves pain and hurt and tears.
Sooner or later you have to move on and choose the right thing.
You have to decide and willfully give in.
Before it destructs you...

Fireworks!!!

2009-04-13T18:22:00.004+08:00

For the past few days, I was expectant and excited for my birthday. Having blues and senti moments too. I think that’s normal, most of the people I know feel the same on their birthdays.

We had a two-day leadership retreat at San Felipe, Zambales last April 9 -10, 2009. At first I was not excited, I even told one of my friends about it. I get disappointed and somewhat frustrated when I hear the others planning for bonding and teambuilding activities. There’s nothing wrong with that, aren’t we supposed to do that? But I was hoping to hear plans on how the leaders will be more passionate and committed and on fire for the service. I was hoping that it will be a more moving encounter than regular retreats since it is a leadership activity. Being "candid" as I am, I talked to the leader of the singles about it. As usual, we had a heated discussion but as always, we both agreed to disagree.

Plans, schedules and topics have been laid down. All was set. On the way to the venue, I get a little excited. Days before, I cried out to God because I was overwhelmed with what’s going to happen. There are times that I would ask God what can I do for Him. But birthdays are different, it’s my day, my special day. I guess it’s ok to ask God for a surprise and be selfish for one day. Haha! During the activity planning, it was decided that all the leaders will share the gospel on the 2nd day, my special day. I was overwhelmed. I was astonished. I was amazed. All the while I think of myself and my birthday. But God has other plans. April 10, 2009 is a good Friday – a time when most of the people are commemorating the death of Jesus. I was in awe when I realized that God has given me the greatest gift, that is to share His love, His salvation, His Son to others. This is His ultimate gift to me – to use me in sharing the good news.

The sharing was extremely amazing. All of us has our own stories to tell. We were in pairs in spreading the good news in San Felipe. There were funny tales, frustrating stories, exciting and hyper talks, heartfelt lines, touching words – but above all, each one of us experienced the joy of sharing Jesus. Almost half of the group had their first time to tell the gospel to others, to people we hardly know.

My partner is not a first-timer. Nevertheless, we rehearsed and planned on how we will be delivering the gospel. There were three people God sent us to share the gospel with, first with a man and another batch with two married women. I was blessed with my partner as he started the conversation in a relaxed mood. Later on I found myself doing most of the talking (what’s new? Haha!). And he just let me do the job. At the end, he added points and challenges to the people we shared the good news with. These three souls were not new to the gospel, but God humbled their hearts to pray and recommit their lives and accepted Jesus in their hearts.

I should be overjoyed with the result of the retreat… But deep in my heart there was not enough joy, I felt something is still missing, lacking. I was at times by myself, quiet, silent, not the usual happy lady. One of my closest friend noticed it and she admitted that at one instance she got disappointed with me, with my actions, with my words, with how I relate to her, to others. Last Saturday, God reviewed to me the lesson on how to be satisfied with Him. I do my responsibility as a Christian – having my quiet time, reading the bible, attending worship services – you name it, I am doing it. But I still feel discontented, unsatisfied. Why? I asked God what’s wrong with me. As I studied the day 3 lesson from week two of Breaking Free, God answered my question. He created me to have discontentment and dissatisfaction in all areas of my life, including my spiritual walk. Why? So that I will seek Him and know Him more and more, that I will thirst and hunger for more of Him, that I will not be satisfied and contented with only a few things about Him. Yes, I am doing my responsibility but is my heart yearning, longint to have more of Jesus? That hit me to the core. I stopped growing in love with my Savior.

When I reached home that Friday, my mother cooked pancit for me. I was thankful for my family that we celebrated my special day eventhough I spent only a little time with them that day. After less than one hour, I saw familiar faces in our home. I was with these singlemen and women for two days… I knew it! My friends planned something for me. They blindfolded me while they prepare their surprise. At one time, I even annoyed them because I was the type who doesn’t get surprised easily. I spoiled their plan a bit. (Sorry guys, I was expectant you know? Hehehe). When they took off the blindfold, there were… FIREWORKS!!! It was so beautiful. As the fireworks painted the sky with colors, lights and sounds, my friends started to sing the most joyful happy birthday song… Perfect! Everytime I see fireworks, it reminds me of God. The happy, colorful lights are smiles and nods and assurances from my Father. I “seized the moment” and enjoyed watching the fireworks and listening to the song. My head up high, thinking about God, savoring that special time. My dgroup even made a card with sort-of caricature of me. Thank you sis for the surprise, you really got me there. I love you all. (Naku, mausok yata dito. Hehehe)

I know it was my Daddy God who planned for everything. The loud rejoicing in heaven and the fireworks on earth… amazing! I asked forgiveness from my Father, for feeling empty, unsatisfied, selfish, for not being a good example at times. I accepted His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness. It’s so nice to be back again, to be happy, to seek more of God, to love my Father evenmore, to be joyful as the fireworks...

25 Random Things

2009-03-04T15:20:00.005+08:00

This is the last among the 3 tags my bestfriend got me into. I won't be tagging my other friends but if any of you want to do this, you are free to do so.

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. The greatest thing that ever happened to me was when I accepted Jesus in my life and started a personal relationship with Him.
2. I keep simple things in my heart that only God knows. Things that I cannot share to my family nor to my closest friends. It may be pain or victory or hurt or joy. Simple things that me and my God share.
3. I love listening to people from all walks of life, from the younger generation to matured ones. I am fascinated hearing their stories and looking at their eyes as they glitter with pride and joy when they share their life.
4. When I’m in the bathroom, I hate it when someone knocks and tells me to hurry up.
5. I can sleep very late in the evening, but I hate waking up at 4am or earlier. I’m not an early riser.
6. I need to have a rest day in a week. If not, I can easily get sick the next week.
7. My bestfriend and I have so many things in common- fashion, humor, hobbies, height (hehehe), food – you name it, we both like it (more or less). She calls us as “twinnies”.
8. I love sashimi! My most fave is pink salmon sashimi. I miss Saisaki…
9. I wanted to have a boy bestfriend, but he didn’t come…yet. I think I will meet him this year (wide smile).
10. I used to believe that Mapua is a school acronym. It’s actually a surname. By the way, miss my college days… (senti mode).
11. When I was a kid, I wanted to become a doctor but my cousin, who was a med student then and a licensed doctor now, discouraged me saying it is too difficult. I ended up as an engineer… no regrets though.
12. As of this writing, I am employed in the same office. . . more than eleven years. Whew!
13. I cry my heart out at movies. Legends of the Fall, Braveheart and Passion of the Christ – to name a few.
14. The most extreme adventures I’ve tried: space shuttle and anchor’s away rides of Enchanted Kingdom, rolling disc of Everland, Korea. For me, those are extremes. LOL
15. My very first diary was given by my Ate on 1991. I still keep it together with 5 more. I love writing journals and it gives unexplainable mixed feeling when I read the past stories I had.
16. Besides journals, I also keep letters/cards/notes/gift tags from loved ones and friends. These are my treasures.
17. I enjoyed my childhood very much. I played all sort of Pinoy games and made a lot of funny stuff with friends and family. From taguan to moro-moro, barilan to football, paper doll making to tinda-tindahanan, Chinese garter to luksong tinik, and many more…
18. The most embarrassing experience I ever had is still a secret. LOL
19. My first heartbreak was after I graduated from college. I was not allowed to have a boyfriend when I was still studying but at the time that I’m ready to entertain my long-time friend, he’s got a girl. I cried…
20. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. Boring to some but good for me.
21. I have a Saturday tattoo – my singles dgroup. My weekend is not complete when we don’t have meetings.
22. I cannot remember the total number of my inaanak. I stopped counting two years ago, the total then was 30.
23. My family is not perfect but if given a chance to choose for another one, it will still be them. We are not showy but we extend the love and respect in other ways. For my four siblings that got married, I cried for each. I don’t know why it saddened me to see them sharing their life to another.
24. One day, I will walk the aisle to marry the best man God prepared for me.
25. I believe in one God. I believe in life after death. I believe in heaven and hell. I believe that it is only by faith in Jesus than one can be saved. Acknowledging Him as the Savior and making Him as Lord is the greatest decision a man can do.

I never thought writing 25 random things can be this fun (and hard). I made it bes, though it took me a while to start it. :)

Just a Name Game

2009-02-26T16:20:00.003+08:00

Tagged by no other than my bes, Pamela. :)

It's not that hard. Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 5 people.

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name : Marie

2. A four Letter Word : Move

3. A boy's Name : Michael

4. A girl's Name : Mariel

5. An occupation : Manager

6. A color : Maroon

7. Something you'll wear : Make-up

9. A food : Maki

10. Something found in the bathroom: Mirror

11. A place : Mexico

12. A reason for being late : Morning sickness

13. Something you'd shout : Move on!

14. A movie title : Moulin Rouge

15. Something you drink : Mountain Dew

16. A musical group: Mercy Me

17. An animal : Mammoth

18. A street name : Main Street

19. A type of car : Mercedes

20. The title of a song : My Girl

And I tag Anna, Ade, Clarisse, Monet, April.

Bucket List

2009-02-26T15:23:00.006+08:00

My bestfriend just updated her blog and guess what? She tagged me on all her new blog entries! (That's what bestfriends are for! ). This is the easiest among the 3 and here it goes...

Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, then send it to your friends (including me).

Things you have done during your lifetime (I wish to do more, hehehe):

(x) Gone on a blind date
( ) Skipped school gym class
(x) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
( ) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
( ) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
(x) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
(x) Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco Cable Car
(x) Been to Disneyland
( ) Been in a rain forest
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
(x) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game
( ) Been to a Hockey game
( ) Been to an NBA game

I tag Ade, Clarisse and Monet.

The Lord of the Rings

2009-02-20T15:24:00.006+08:00

Who wouldn’t like this movie??!! Well, I do . . . or I used to. I am not a fan of movies with dim background or killings or death. I just don’t like to be affected with the sadness or fear of darkness.

I’ve seen the Fellowship of the Ring years ago and honestly, I can’t remember exactly what happened on that episode. I told myself not to watch any sequels of that film. Indeed, I have kept my word.

Until this month my officemate said he has all the three episodes. At first, I was not interested but for lack of time going to movie houses lately, I decided to borrow the said copies. By the way, his DVDs are the uncut versions, so each episode runs for more than 3 long hours! Inspite of, I brought home the copies.

For the first episode, I was refreshed of the scenes and the stories that were erased from my memory since I first watched it. How the fellowship was established, how each character was presented, how the mission was set. Legolas, the great Elf archer, caught my attention. He is cute. Hahaha.

And so that’s it, not bad for the first part. The second episode is entitled The Two Towers. More and more characters were introduced, more and more kingdoms and places were named, and the plot became more complicated. Gandalf the Grey became Gandalf the White wizard. The plot is making me excited. Legolas is still cute. Hahaha. (Just for curiosity’s sake, his name is Orlando Bloom, been in different blockbuster movies.)

Last night, my mind was battling with its own if I will finish the third episode. And of course, I did watch the last copy. And this time, I noticed another character. He is the brother of Boromir, the only member of the fellowship who died. Faramir is handsome. Hahaha. I slept at past 1am! I had a good sleep though.

This movie has tons of lessons. I admire the loyalty and faith of Sam to Frodo. His heart is very pure. It was not tainted, not even once, by the greediness of the Ring. He remained true and authentic to his friend. He gave all he can give just to help his friend complete the mission even if Frodo, at one point, disregarded their friendship. Sam kept the covenant, he wouldn’t let go of Frodo. This commitment made me pause and reflect on my covenant with God. Believe or not, I cried. I remembered the times I’ve been like Frodo, willfully neglected my covenant with God. I pray that I will stick with my commitment.

Another lesson that made a great impact to me is about hope. The Eye can see everything, in fact it can even tell what the future will be. But just as the rest, it also has weakness, it also cannot control all. Aragorn hold on to what hope is all about. Even if he knows it’s the end and even if they fight, they will be overtaken, he still fought and hold on to his hope. He was made King, the last episode, The Return of the King. My lesson? When all seems questionable, when everything is not going well, when people are neglecting God, when others do not believe in Jesus, there is hope. God is the hope. He is omniscient, He is omnipotent, He is omnipresent. And He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords.

One last thing that I realized, I am not the main character. Until the last episode, I am for Legolas. He is not the leader, he is just a secondary character. Refined, loyal and obedient to his leader and not to mention that he is a good friend to Gimli (the Dwarf) too. The same goes for me, in this life, I am not the lead character, I am the follower of my Leader who is the King. My life on earth is all about Jesus. And I pray that I would be faithful to my word until eternity…

How to move on?

2009-01-23T11:44:00.000+08:00

We usually encounter this question on love problems, especially with broken hearts. Hmmm, am I really talking about lovelife? I admit I am not very good at this, but let me share with you some learnings and observations I personally got from my "surroundings" and experiences.

M - make a decision to move on. God created us with the will - the freedom to choose, to make a choice. I believe that the first big step in moving on is to convince yourself that you have to move on. Stick with your decision and move on.

O - open your heart. It's not the end of the world, a bright and beautiful day is waiting for you. You may be wounded, but time heals all wounds. Smile a lot and open up your heart to God.

V - victor or a victim? No matter how dark and painful it was, there is always a lesson to learn. Victory is not the absence of failure, it's how you stand up and face the world with a renewed strength. So be a victor rather than a poor victim.

E - engage in activities with eternal values. You won't realize it until you go out and explore the world. A lot of hearts are hurting, a lot of minds are longing, a lot of lives are suffering, a lot of souls are searching . . . all more than you do. Share Jesus and share your blessings to others.

O - organize your thoughts and pamper yourself. You will feel good, you will look good. Rather than indulging with pity party, get a new hairdo, shop for new things, eat well, play badminton, watch good films, hang out with trusted friends. You can do a lot of better things.

N - now! You have been mourning for so long, hoping for nothing, crying like a river. Where did they bring you? Nowhere. Time to move on. And that time is now! Surrender your life to Jesus. If you're a Christian, recommit yourself to Him. Jesus not only heals, He also restores, He makes the broken whole, He gives hope, He is faithful and He is your Savior . . .

Nicknames (tagged by Minette)

2009-01-08T18:30:00.006+08:00

RULE: list all the names you were called by and the people who calls you that. Tag at least 5 members of your contacts and give a comment on their site for them to know they've been tagged.

Marie - the very first name I've known as my nickname. Haha! My family and relatives call me by this name.

Ana - when I was growing up, I wanted to change my nickname because I'm so used to be called as "Marie" (ha, does this make sense? LOL). So when I entered college, I introduced myself as "Ana". From then on until now that I'm working, I am known as Ana.

Ana Marie - yes, fullname. This is my high school nickname. Would you believe that my first name is my nickname at school? LOL. And now my new brother in law also calls me by this.

Ann Marie - my aunt used to call me by this name. I like it. :)

Ann/Anne - my nickname for people who cannot stand saying the second syllable of "Ana". LOL

Bes - my bestfriend calls me by this, short for bespren. Hahaha

Ate Marie - besides from "Marie", my churchmates call me by this, from youth to couples. Hehehe

Bunso - my 2nd most loved nickname. My upper dgroupmates call me by this simply because I am the youngest in the group. In contrast to my nickname from my lower dgroup. Hahaha

Anak - only my mommy A and my daddy Pastor E call be by this, beloved adopted daughter. Hehehe

Sis - my singles dgroupmates call me by this. I love it because they don't need to call me Ate sometimes. Hehehe

Ana C. - what is one of the most common names for girls? What else but Ana or Anna! Ana C. is my nickname in the office. There was a time that there were 3 Ana/Anna's in my workplace! So to distinguish one from the other, my colleagues add the first letter of our surname. This one makes sense! LOL

Frend - Weng, my college friend, calls all her friends by this and I believe I'm of them. Hahaha

Sister - my Ate calls me by this, for very obvious reason. LOL

Ana Banana - only my former manager calls me by this. It was years ago but up to now she still calls me "Ana Banana".

Ms. Asia Pacific - only Beth, my colleague, calls me by this. I feel like a beauty queen when I hear her calling me this. (wishful thinking)

Eiram - the opposite of Marie. This is the codename in my very first diary, as if people who might read my journals wouldn't know that it's me. (insanity)

I am tagging Pam, Anna, Lorna, Mae, SR.

Nothing to Write

2008-12-19T16:31:00.002+08:00

These past few days were busy time for me. The busyness I used to be. The out-of-time meals. The over staying at the office. Phone calls and emails everywhere. Reports and projects with deadlines. Oh yes, busy as a bee as my bestfriend calls it.

And today it's still 30minutes before the clock ticks 5pm but I'm too lazy to start another work. It's either I'll do overtime or I'll mess up with it. But I need to leave at 5pm. So I decided to write a blog instead.

Hmmm, but what will I write? I have another topic that I started days ago but can't find the right time to complete it though.

Well, lately I feel how "nakakasakal" is. Too much time with that person, too much talk with another, too much words to say until I feel like stopping or avoiding it. Maybe I have so much things in my mind that's why I feel this way. Maybe because the holiday season is here. Maybe a lot of preparations to do. Maybe I'm just thinking that I'm feeling it. A lot of maybe's. No matter the reason is, I know this will pass and there's a lesson in it. I still cannot figure what is it for now, my mind is numb to think of it yet. But I believe there is a lesson to learn...

He will be missed

2008-12-09T10:19:00.005+08:00

We are colleagues but we only communicate through emails and calls. Until the year 2006 I was given a chance to meet him in person in one of our trainings. First impression - silent, warm, "usual" American, and oh I can't understand his words clearly, they're so slang. We've been together in that training for more than one week. We usually have our dinner and breakfast together since we were booked at the same hotel. On those times I've learned that he is very warm, very silent (won't-talk-unless-you-initiate-the-conversation), very intelligent (he was in the academe for years), very hardworking, and he is a Christian. I also learned that he leads a bible study group, that he and his wife are active in the ministry, that his kids go to missionary trips when on vacation and that he works for God. At the end of the training, I gave him my accountability card. I don't know if he kept or used it.

We usually talk about work. But there are also times that we talk about our faith and share how we experienced God. I remember I sent him the testimony I shared in our church and he asked my permission to share it to the rest of his friends in our US office. Then in one of those times, he shared about his special son. By merely looking at him, you wouldn't expect that he can be open to others, especially about his family. Or maybe I judged him to be so reserved.

Physically, he is about 6'5" tall, huge built, white skinned, with brown eyes and brown hair. This big man keeps a very soft and kind heart. Upon learning about his son, our bond became more than colleagues. When we have time, we will talk about our personal as well as our spiritual life. There was this moment that we both feel spiritually weak, and the stories we shared with each other were enough to boast our spirit again. He would tell me that I am always in his prayers, especially when I travel. I was amazed the first time I heard it from him, I didn't know that God gave me a father more than a colleague in him. Though lately we don't usually talk, we both know that we keep our prayers for each other.

Until last week I received an email from him.

Ana,

I wanted to let you know before the announcement comes out that I have accepted a new position and will be leaving in February. I have really enjoyed our time working together and hope we can stay in touch...I will miss the consistent communication with you...I missed you while you were on vacation...

Those words were enough for my tears to fall. I was really sad. I felt like I am about to loose a very dear friend. Though we are still in the same company, but he will be moving to another business unit. Oh, I am missing him even now.

He assured me that we still keep in touch. And yes, life has to "move on". I stopped crying though I still feel sad especially at times when I think about our talks.

Yesterday my boss showed me an email from him, it reads:

Please take care of Ana. She's a treasure...

Bob, you are making me cry again . . .

Questions from A - Z

2008-12-04T13:03:00.004+08:00

I like to know more about my friends so I'm fond of tagging or answering trivia questions. I snatched this one (does that make me a thief???) from a blog of my friend's friend. Hehehe. I hope the people I tagged will also enjoy as much as I did in answering each item. Here it goes...

A.) Attached or single? — Joyfully single
B.) Best friend? — Pam David, dgroup, my sisters
C.) Cake or pie? — Cake
D.) Day of choice? — Saturday, I love hanging out with my dgroup sisters.
E.) Essential item? — Bible. Cellphone. Pressed powder, sunblock, comb. Money!!!
F.) Favorite color? — My like for color is seasonal. But currently, I love yellow and green.
G.) Gummy bears or worms? — Gummy worms, it's easier to bite and chew.
H.) Hometown? — Bulacan.
I.) Favorite indulgence? — Fashmatch! So happy when it was brought back to the net. Yey!
J.) January or July? — January, everbody seems lazy that time eh, no need to hurry. Hahaha. Lazy me!
K.) Kids? — None yet. I hope to have when the time comes.
L.) Life isn’t complete without? — knowing God. Only then can one live his life to the fullest.
M.) Marriage date? — Wish I have the answer. Hahaha. Still waiting for my GB.
N.) Number of magazine subscriptions? – I haven’t subscribed to any. I usually read them at hair salons, clinics, airplanes – basta dun sa free. Hahaha
O.) Orange or apple? — Orange, I need fiber.
P.) Phobias? — None that I can think of. But I’m scared with crawling insects, pests, etc.
Q.) Quotes? — Pa cheeseburger ka naman! (Is it consider a quote? LOL).
R.) Reasons to smile? — jokes, mushy lines, profound words, transformed lives, moon, stars…
S.) Season of choice? — Summer. I don’t like cold weather.
T.) Tag 5 people – Pam, Minette, Clarisse, Monet, Shirley
U.) Unknown fact about me? – Artista ako. LOL
V.) Vegetable? — All high-fiber veggies!
W.) Worst habit? — Procrastinating. Dami plans, super konti natutuloy.
X.) X-ray or ultrasound? – X-ray. Tagal kasi ng ultrasound tapos may gel pa, nilalamig ako. Hahaha
Y.) Your favorite food(s)? – Sashimi, cheeseburger de luxe and fries ng McDo, pizza, pasta.
Z.) Zodiac Sign – Aries.

Longest time

2008-11-28T15:29:00.008+08:00

(I hope you are not eating while you read this entry)

Have you had the longest time of your life? My question sounds crazy, I know. I know what crazy means . . . well at least for the last two days maybe.

It was my first time to taste white cream cheese. It was yummy and of course, very creamy. It was so nice with pandesal and hot coffee. It was so good that I ate three pandesals! That was about 10am.

Come 12nn, I still feel full. You see my digestion is not that efficient so when I eat much, I don't easily feel hungry after a number of hours. So I guess, its normal. 3pm I ate bread again. All is normal, as far as my tummy is concern.

I will be attending a meeting at 7pm that night. I was supposed to leave the office at 545pm but I was out by 6pm. Why? Because my tummy started to feel crazy! At maybe about 4pm, I felt a terrible pain. I just can't move but after a few minutes it was gone. I felt relieved but not before I decided to leave the office. I went to the "throne". That helped. Went to the meeting as normal. And before I slept that night, I visited the "throne" again.

The next day, I feel good. Back to usual routine at work. All is normal.

And then yesterday afternoon, my tummy went crazy again. I have to meet a friend at night and we decided to have dinner before listening to the message at church. Once again, I visited the "throne" before I met up with her. Thankfully, all night was good.

At 1am this morning, I was awaken by the crazyness inside me, that is, inside my tummy. I immediately got up from bed and seated on the throne. Oh man, I was there for almost one hour! The pain was really, really terrible. I felt like I was going to faint every time it attacks. I was already thinking of waking up my father to bring me to the hospital. But that was one o'clock in the morning! So there I was, sitting on the "throne", silently suffering that one-hour excruciating pain. That was the longest one-hour I waited in my life! I decided to get back to bed, thankfully I was able to get a good sleep. When I woke up this morning, I felt weak but not really, really weak. I went to work late. I told my boss I was not feeling well that early morning and he understood.

So far, I feel "sane" inside. Haha! I hope that crazyness won't attack anymore. I still don't know if it is because of that cream cheese because I was the only one who suffered that pain. About 10 of us ate that cheese. Anyway, I hope my stomach is on its way to normal. :)

By the way, we have ice cream at the office today. Choco pinipig flavor. Aaahh, too bad I did not eat. Need lots of self-control there, hehe. As my bestfriend said, better safe than sorry. :(

Once in a while

2008-11-26T17:32:00.011+08:00

Jason Mraz, a 31-year old American singer-song writer. I like the sound of his music, relaxing and pop is one of my favorite. I'm not an avid fan so I don't really look for the lyrics. Until lately I often hear his songs and since Im a bit in the "boredom" mode, I looked at his profiles. He's an achiever, no doubt about it. I'm not sure if he is a believer but his website says that his songs are about what he sees in life. Got some of the lines from his songs:

Title: I'm Yours
Well you dawned on me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothin's going to stop me but the fine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Title: Remedy
When I fall in love I take my time
There's no needto hurry when I'm making up my mind
You can turnoff the sun but I'm still gonna shine
And I'll tell you why
Becausethe remedy is the experience.
It is a dangerousliaison I say the comedy is that its serious.
Which is a strange enough new play on words I say
The tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
Because it all amounts tonothing in the end.

And he is cute in this photo. :)

For a Change . . .

2008-11-24T10:36:00.003+08:00

Updated the skin of my blog out of boredom. Haha! After my long vacation, I couldn't believe I will still have time to get bored. (yeah, I should count it as blessing...)

Why such a title? I read it again. The only reason I make another entry is because of the changed template but as I read my title again it reminded me of the changes that need to manifest in my life.

Another year is coming and along with that is another change in my age. Why can't the aging stop? Hahaha, is this a question or a plea? Whatever! Anyway, I'm getting older (though not obvious, so much about the humility preaching from church yesterday, haha!). My trip to Australia has somehow affected my view of the future. When before I don't think of leaving my beloved country, but as I look at my age . . . oh my golly, what will happen to me? I'm not yet worrying or panicking, but that time gave me a chance to reflect and to start asking God to lead me where He wants me to be.

For a change, I enjoy watching TV with my Tatay. He likes basketball and boxing and news and all those boring TV programs, hahaha. But yes, I started to like commenting with the things we watch together. I miss my Nanay too, I used to watch telenobela with her. But for now, I'll savor my bonding time with Tatay.

For a change, I started learning from the past - lovelife speaking. Ha? Did I have a lovelife? Not from past relationships though, but learning from the old ways of things when it comes to love department. I'm not a guru on this topic, but yes I was at times got trapped and fell. It is just a cycle, especially when I let God stay at the side. Now I'm learning to trust Him and listen more to Him.

For a change, I hope to become more patient and loving towards my family. I pray to share Jesus to others. I want to involve in caring for the less fortunate. I just feel like I have to exercise my faith and salvation.

There are a lot more to change and I hope to change for the better...

Fully loaded

2008-11-12T17:30:00.003+08:00

Current Mood: soooooo tired

An unplanned trip happened last Friday. God gave us the chance to see Sydney!

We were supposed to go to Queensland but the fare is quite expensive so my sister looked for the Sydney trip. We contacted Tita Laura and Joanne, fortunately all was set before our flight.

That four-day trip was really fun. We visited all the popular sites: opera house, Harbor bridge, Darling Harbor, Queen Victoria bldg, Sydney Olympic Park (where Hillsong conference is held), cruise along the city shore, and many more. Joanne is a good tour guide, and libre nya lahat! Yaman di ba? Hehehe.

One of the highlights for me is the "chatterbox" (this is Uncle Bill's term when we have long chats). Joanne and I did a lot of talkings, daldal pala namin. Hahaha. In the train, while walking, when we were shopping, while eating (oopppss, don't talk when your mouth is full!), when we watch tv - or should I say, we talk when we are awake. Hehe.

Pero grabe, ang haba ng lakarin. Walang sinabi ang pag-ikot ng ilang beses sa megamall sa paghahanap ng Sbarro, or ang pagsha-shopping sa buong Divisoria. Nabanat ng husto ang mga binti ko! Keliliit pa naman (haha!). Bilib ako kay Joanne, ibang klase ang batang ito. Di marunong mapagod. Well, di ko alam if after we went back eh plakda na sya. Salamat ulit sis ha, sana maulit muli. Hahaha.

It is really getting hot in here. Today 32C ang temperature. Yung ilang weeks that I was so balot na balot, in just a matter of days, sunog agad! Ibang klase ang init dito. Parang bigla kong na-miss ang lamig. Hehe.

The whole day today, my Tita toured me around Melbourne city. Ang saya kasi nag-tram lang kami. Pero as usual, naglakad na naman kami ng mega haba. But after that, before we went home, she brought me to a newly opened shopping mall near her place. Nabuhay na naman ang spirit ko especially when I saw the big SALE marks. Hahaha. Kaya lang di pa ako sanay sa Aussie dollar kaya konti lang nabili ko. Paano ba naman, I always convert the price to peso, ang mahal pa naman when coverted. Kaya sabi ko kay Tita uwi na kami. Hehehe.

And since we never had a good long rest yet, I took mefenamic acid. Grabe sakit ng katawan ko kaya now I feel sooooo tired...

Update from Down Under

2008-10-30T20:54:00.008+08:00

It seems like we’ve been here for quite a long time now though its nearly two weeks lang since our arrival. Maybe it’s because I don’t get bored yet due to our busy schedule. (yeah, puro kami lakwatsa. Hahaha)

I know this vacation will gonna be great because this is God’s gift.

While we were still in the plane, just before we landed, guess what? We were welcomed lang naman by the sunrise. It was awesome! I can’t get the right words to describe it here, just imagine the wonderful colors of the sky at the dawn and paste a real red sun on it! Too bad I kept my camera in my other bag so I didn’t get a photo of it.

The main reason of our coming here is the wedding of my sister. All the hardwork and stresses were all paid off. The weather during the wedding was perfect! It was warm and windy. Sun shiny clear sky made the photos very good. Thanks to all the people I bugged to pray for the weather. J Was able to meet some colleagues of my sister, even the general manager was there! Plus I met a lot of Pinoys, maybe this is one of the reasons why I still don’t feel homesick too.

But I still feel “lutang” and I asked God to make His presence more tangible (well, I don’t know if it is the right word for that, haha). So on our 2nd Sunday here, the worship service was great, especially the message. I know God is answering my prayers. Without planning for it, the rest of that day was spent driving around the city of Melbourne with some good Christian friends. We had tasty authentic Vietnamese cuisine for lunch, more photo shootings on the road, and a nice warm chat over cups of frappe! (shouldn’t it be cool?? Nah, the weather then was warm too. J) Just before we parted ways and go to each of our homes, God sent a sunset scenery along the sea. It’s like Him waving goodbye and gladly saying we had a good day. Well for me, its not yet the end. During that night, I cried like I never did for more than 4 years. My eyes become a wellspring of tears that made it so bad the next morning. I felt the denying and dying to self, putting down my pride and humbly gave forgiveness, fear of my future, yet inspite of it all, I felt so close to my Lord. I really thank Him for the experience.

I met some single men: a youth pastor, a Malaysian Christian, a tall good looking businessman. (dgroup ng kagandahan, wag ma-praning, tapusin basahin ang blog before making any conclusion, hehe.) But I think I’m not that interested yet on that part. I am enjoying the sceneries more than choosing any prospects (do I sound too proud about it??? I hope not.)

We’ve been to some homes of Pinoy friends. Nakakatuwa meeting them and eating Pinoy dishes. My brother in law even treated me to a Japanese resto when he learned that I love sashimi. Yesterday we were travelling the whole day, going to beautiful spots of Port Campbell, Lorne and Alona bay. It was a good day too. I cooked the pasta we baon. In fairness, naubos sya. Yun lang kasi dala naming food. Hahaha!

The day we came here was very cold. They say it should be spring but it feels like winter. So when people ask me if I like it here, I always tell them yes except for the weather. Hahaha.

Its becoming warmer now and I don’t need to wear long sleeves when I sleep. I also enjoy it in the shower room, no more cold breeze to freeze me. Haha!

The photo posted here is a vineyard next to the church where my sister had her wedding. Isn't it awesome?

I’m sure God has a lot more in-store for me, for us, here. It’s just the second week…

Oh, I just got an SMS from my Ate from home the other day, Jumong started walking! I missed his first steps…

Life as it should be

2008-10-14T11:17:00.007+08:00

I should . . .

I must . . .

I could have . . .

Why is it so easy to say one thing but do the other?

Why is it that man needs to wear two or more masks, depending on where he is or who is he with, and not be in his true self?

So many life's lessons but so few application.

So many teachings but less transformation.

Why is it so easy to forget the good things but so difficult to let go of the bad?

Why is it that we enjoy dwelling on the hurts, pains and worries and spend little time on the positive side of life?

Why do we always choose to satisfy the desires of the flesh and later regret our choices?

Why can't we just obey and enjoy the rewards of it?

The list can go on and on with the "why's" and "how come's".

But as for me, I will choose to live my life as it should be. It is hard and I will never perfect it here. I will commit mistakes, disappoint some people, and continue with my inadequacies and inefficiencies. But I stand firm and live my beautiful life according to the way of the Master. I know I can for God's grace is sufficient for me to make it through.

She is she

2008-09-30T11:32:00.011+08:00

We've known each other since 1992, wayback in college. At one subject or another, we were seatmates. But we were not that close close. We both are part of this Tropang Tulog and Benigno-Carangan Clan. These are not sorority nor academic org, these are barkadas who have the same wavelength with the same topak.

After college, all of us were so excited to be employed and start our own career. I was hired in Bulacan, and the others in Manila, Laguna, and even in Bicol (!) And SHE then got her first job in a chocolate factory in Cainta. After sometime, she moved to Bataan. I stayed in Bulacan. I don't really know how it started but somehow we kept the addresses of each other and send/receive snail mails! We talked about everything, from our funny-weird-kaasar-serious moments at the office to anything that we find it interesting. Then she was hired in Singapore and I was still in Bulacan. Oh I thought the letter send/receive will be stopped, but to our surprise, it was even intensified. She would send me letters with postcards of countries and places she's assigned to. Until, we found a better and faster means of communication - email! Her boyfriend termed our mails as blog emails because almost everyday we send very long nobelas to each other, as if we never talked the other day. So imagine how long our emails when we have long weekends or holidays. And then there's even more real-time talk, SMS (which we don't usually use, expensive eh!) and YM! Communicating has been part of our system. We miss each other when one of us will not be connected to the net. And after all those years, we now are super close close.

We both love to write (especially long letters), we both love shopping (sale!!!), we both love eating (though not so obvious), we both love to laugh (THE!), we both love to just be with our laptop and chat. Countless emails and letters we have exchanged yet there are still more things to talk about.

And now she's on a business trip. I-net connection in her place is so slow but still she managed to send me one blog email. I do miss her too, since we are so hooked with FashMatch I created an outfit for her. And I named it as "bcoz i miss my bes."

Yes, she is my bestfriend.

Balik ka na Singapore bes, umalis ka na dyan! Hahaha

Bits en Pieces

2008-09-19T12:11:00.008+08:00

Is this blog still in existence??? Haha, it's been more than one month now since my latest post. And just like my last entry, so many events and happenings have passed. So many times I attempted to write something, but time and chances will just come and go.

And now, I am wordless. Haha!

My current fascination (or addiction) is FashMatch! My bestfriend "influenced" me on trying it and now I am so hooked. And I always blame her for this new addiction. The funny thing is, she admits. Hahaha. Anyway FM, as me and my bes simply call it, is very relaxing and enjoyable. It's one of those girl thing (but there are also men who are into it). Just recently I realized (through the comment of one of the matchers) that the outfit we make are reflections of who we are. Eventhough I try to create a match for a specific purpose or person, my personality will still be added into it. And that makes me say that in everything we do, we leave a footprint in it. And in this life, what mark are you making? Sounds serious, but it's true.

Last week we had a women's encounter in Tagaytay. The place was so nice and the architecture and theme is Thai inspired. It's actually a combination of Pinoy and Thai. I love their coffee and the fresh salad too. But more than the pleasure of the flesh, the retreat is an eye-opener. The theme is about lies women believe and the Truth that sets them free. I hope my loved ones can attend the repeat of this retreat.

Looking forward for the coming months. Me and my nanay are visiting my sister in Australia. My first time, yey!

Breaktime

2008-08-06T15:25:00.007+08:00

Tagal na pala since my last post. Been indulged with tons and tons of work . . . when it rains, dala ka payong! Hahaha.

I really wanted to write sooner but blame it to my workload, I can't make a time for it. Obviously now, I finally making another entry. Work is still full, but for now I need a short break and writing is a sort of relaxation... well, as for me.

What happened in the last weeks other than the very busy life at the office? Hmmm, for one I am happy (and joyful maybe) with what is going on in our department. Things and people are finally starting to move on. Problems and challenges will always be present, but things are getting better now. Praise God!

I had weird dreams for four consecutive nights, cannot tell them here though. It was so funny and at the same time so weird. I dreamt of people whom I haven't seen for a long time and of some who I regularly talk to. Basta, kakaiba. Nakakainis na nakakatuwa. Hahaha, gulo ko! Sometimes I wanted to meet a dream interpreter (somebody like Joseph or Daniel of the bible), those who can explain about my dreams. Meron pa kayang ganun ngayon, authentic and true???

Masaya ako lately, I still cannot figure out why, pero I feel so light talaga. I confided with my friends about me being complacent or just letting things make their way. I really can't explain it but I have this peaceful reactions to not so good circumstances and situations. I am not saying that I already have perfected how to handle tough times, its just I feel so contented and secured no matter what. I know, it's all about God . . . His grace, His love, His Spirit . . . This "peace" may pass, maybe sooner or later, but what matters most is the present. And I'm glad I am experiencing this solemn quietness of spirit.

Got to get back to work. "Fans" are waiting for me. Haha!

Living Alone

2008-07-14T12:50:00.009+08:00

I heard them talking about why were there so many policemen in our neighbor's house? It's only about 7am on that Sunday morning. As they (my mom, sister, niece and other friends) load in the car, they were so curious of what was happening at that house. I could only care less because I was the one driving! (grrr... i hate it when I have to drive on Sundays for very, very petty reasons!) I decided to give a simple look to see how many people are there. But maybe, I was so pre-occupied that morning (which by the way, didn't know what's on my mind that time) that I haven't even glanced on that house.

So there we are at church, listening to the sermon of Doc Alex (in fairness, carry nya ang mga jokes nya ha) and there I was, shivering from the coldness of the aircon and too focused (okay, this may not be the exact word but its the closest, haha!) on the message that I did not even bother to think about that neighbor.

As we were on our way back home, my "passengers" were again talking about that incident. Until my sister said something like, "Si Kuya --- pala yun, kawawa naman..." That was the first time it got my little attention. And I asked, "Who? Who's Kuya ---?". I can see my sister's irritation and frustration on my first and initial reaction. And finally, it all dawned on me. He is our neighbor, actually his house is just a few meters away from ours. I saw him in a very few occasions, and didn't even bother if he knew me or not. He and his spouse were childless, they got married at a pretty old age. His wife passed away one year ago and he lived in his house all by himself. I never really took notice of him until that day happened. He was found lifeless in his home and as the experts said, it maybe more than 24hours that he was dead. It may sound morbid and horrifying to tell the details here, so just to make it short the alleged reason of his death was bangungot.

That night, as I was having dinner with my dad, he's telling me again of the details and how he was found and how he looks like in the coffin. It maybe disgusting but I really felt that I want to stop eating and tell my Tatay to stop telling me those things. But then more than that, I felt compassion towards him, our neighbor. It gives assurance though that he is in heaven now, I hope, for I assumed that he knew the right Way. I felt sad that he died alone, that there was no one he could have told what he was feeling before his death, that he was even a stranger in our place (his hometown is in Manila).

As I lay myself down to bed last night, thoughts of that early morning incident kept on waking up my mind. What if I'll have the same fate? What if I never get married? What if I don't have someone with me when my time comes? . . . These may be crazy questions, but I can't help thinking about my own life . . .

And as always, my loving and caring and compassionate and understanding and faithful heavenly Dad reminded me of His message from that morning sermon, "You are not alone, never alone!".

I had a sweet and peaceful sleep...

I heard Him again...

2008-06-23T12:23:00.005+08:00

I've read this passsage for the nth time. I've heard it preached for so many Sundays and in so many bible studies and even taught in our small group.

And then last Sunday, I heard it again. The "Lord is my Shepherd" hit my core for the nth time . . .

Was it because we have typhoon signal # 3?
Was it because there was no electricity during the worship service?
Was it because the church's senior pastor delivered the message?
Was it because the only light in that church came from 5 small candles?
Was it because the downpour of rain and intensity of wind took hold of my surrounding?
Was it because I have so much concerns inside my head?
Was it because after about three weeks, I was back in church again?
Was it because I needed to hear my Shepherd in His louder voice?
Was it because I needed rest from the tiredness of life?
Was it because . . .

"Don't force your will to be God's will."
"Do not trade biblical principles for God's blessings."
"Sometimes, the good Shepherd breaks the leg of His sheep. He will carry him until the leg heals. And the sheep will be closer to the Shepherd."

These were the words that took my being again.
It happened and now I trully understand.

The Lord is my Shepherd . . . surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.

One-week Work

2008-06-14T10:14:00.006+08:00

It has been one long, tiring week for me. Arrived in Bangkok on Sunday and went straight to Saraburi. Oh yes, my colleagues brought me to see the relics of a temple in Ayutthaya.

Monday was a full-day training. I couldn't believe we will end at past 6pm! But I enjoyed their questions and clarifications. I think I understand how the teachers feel when they have confirmations of their students' learnings. After three years, some things are now clear to them. Dinner: authentic Thai cuisine

Tuesday, a whole-day audit. Hmmm, it was nice seeing the improvements after two years. Dinner: Go Japanese! (syempre pa, nakadami ako ng salmon!!!)

Wednesday, continuation of audit and hands-on training. I felt good this day, though sakit sa ulo ang marami at paulit-ulit na tanong. Hehe. Dinner: Western dishes

Thursday, went to Nakhorn Pathom (this place is spelled with so many versions and I believe any is acceptable). Tried upgrading the software but to no avail. More trainings and explanations (and translations!!!). Dinner: Authentic Thai with tamarind juice at the side! (can't believe they have that here)

Friday, audit again and more chats with the staff. More questions, more talks, more learnings. Oh, that room is making my head ache so hard! It was so funny for the lunch, lost our way to the resto, was late for the meal, and after all the U-turns and left turns and right turns (with rotonda ha!), we finally saw the resto. And guess what we're looking for such long time? Lechon Kawali!!! Sana sa Pinas ko na lang sila dinala, Gerry's grill is the best! Dinner: Italian. (bumawi! hehe)

Saturday - today and it's more than 30minutes that I'm here at the hotel lobby waiting for them. I missed 3 calls and there were no number! Grrrr, it maybe them. I think I will be able to post this blog before they arrive. It's the culmination day of the one week stay.Whew, it's really been a long week. It feels good anyway to share and learn from from others. Dinner: i dont know yet. hehe

Sunday

Monday

Tuesday

.... And I will be finally home sweet home. Thank God!

Photos, Pics and Poses

2008-05-20T13:02:00.009+08:00

left to right then downwards: on our way to church (Vero, Pam, me), with the bride - Gem, at the church, i luv my curls!!!, with the couple, new love team? (Vero en Flip), at the reception, our masks!, wacky pose.

left to right then down: tamed shot (me, bes, Vero, "ninang" Cecile, "ninong" Kiko, another pose with Edwin and Gem, posing at Greenbelt, we're waiting for a seat at Italiannis, balloons!!!, bes en me, "masked" photos, lakad-lakad...

Hope we could do this again . . . Sino kaya kasunod???

Another Friend's Wedding

2008-05-19T12:13:00.006+08:00

It was wonderful! It's a long 15 years of friendship. And it's good to be with old friends again.

Gemma's wedding is one of the most memorable get together of the Tropa, though some members were not able to come. First, I am so happy for Gem marrying Edwin, who seems like a responsible, loving and kalog man. We weren't able to know him personally before their wedding for he works overseas. The wedding was simple (pero dami pakulo), organized, and enjoyable. I like the part where they held ballloons and released them to the sky. Sobrang saya, everyone is smiling and very happy for the couple.

Second, it was one of those times that the ECE group was almost complete. (Si Rej kasi di nakahabol, abay pa naman. Hehehe) Ang saya makipag-kodakan with them. Too bad, I haven't transfered the photos from my cam yet (tamad, hahaha). It was also fun throwing jokes at each other and talking nonstop about everything. Madami pa rin ang single! Hahaha.

Third, we hang out at Greenbelt after the reception. Pam treated us to Italiannis (sosi Bes ko!). Inspite of the rain and the strong wind that day, nothing can stop me from drinking my favorite fruit shake. Haha! This time I tried strawberry, grapes and pineapple. It's the best! (lahat yata ng combi the best for me eh, hehe). Elaine was so surprised when she saw me finished that huge glass of shake. (Mare, see me when I eat sushi. Hahaha)

Fourth, we saw Kuya's bahay! We were running out of time when we left the hotel so we were not able to pose at the PBB house. Then we planned of going back there after the reception to take photos in our pang-abay costumes. We even thought of wearing our masks to look like we are yet another group of house players. Hahaha! Jologs! But then again, we were frustrated because the road was closed for that night was an eviction night so may live program sa bahay ni Kuya. Nevertheless, happy na kami to see the PBB house. Hehehe, babaw!

The wedding was memorable because I liked my hairstyle! Vain me! It was curly at the ends, I like it so much. I even asked Bes to take photos of my hair before I slip on in my dress. I'll post the photos here . . . I don't know when. Hahaha.

And the most memorable is that we were like princesses in our gowns and tiaras. The giveaway is a glass jewelry box with a note on the top that says "Princess". Was it a coincidence? . . . I don't think so.

I am a beloved princess, my Father says so.

Just when I thought it was over…

2008-04-16T16:52:00.002+08:00

A special day happened last April 10, it was my birthday. Family and friends remembered to greet and sent their special wishes and prayers for me. I wrote all the messages in my journal, first time to do that by the way. I just thought that it is nice to look back at that day in the future. Something I was not able to record, Clarisse’s messages since the first day of April until the 10th. Clarisse don’t worry, the sweet memories are recorded forever in my heart.

I really did not feel the day was so spectacular. Well for one, an extraordinary happened. Two of my colleagues whom I don’t have that deep relationship with greeted me – the first time they did it for the past many years we’ve been together in the company. It was memorable because one of those colleagues, I never spoke with for years. It was sort of a cold war between us. But that was just history now which we never talked about. One day, we just spoke to each other and accepted and adjusted and did what must be done a long time ago. I guess it’s about maturity. And I never expected that that day will come in such a way, I prayed about it for years. And I’m just thankful that God made His way for it to happen.

I understand if some people forgot to greet me. I never expected for gifts or any thing special. I did enjoy my day. I spent the morning with my Tatay (he accompanied me to LTO) and the afternoon was spent at home, with my family – the people I chose to share my special day with.

The next couple of days, there were still birthday messages coming in. I began to realize that God extended my birthday to few more days. Hahaha…

And there are people who were not contented to just greet me. It was really a surprise. It happened last April 13, three days after my birthday. Cha, Clarisse, Jenna and Mae prepared something special. This I was really touched. Even now when I think about it, there is something I feel in my heart that I cannot explain. I do not deserve to receive such gifts. These four ladies worked hard and gave me what they know will make me happy. It was so thoughtful of them. But more than the tangible gifts, I am most grateful for how they are living their lives. These women are trying their best to be like Jesus. When I look at them, I see God’s mighty hand in action. At their young age, they have decided to use their time and energy for things with eternal value. They strive to have a deeper relationship with their Lord and Savior.

Cha, Clarisse, Jenna and Mae: Thank you for the gift of friendship. Thank you for the trust. Thank you for your heavenly commitment. Thank you for being an inspiration and encouragement to me. Thank you for making this year’s April 10 a special one. Thank you for being beautiful in the sight of God. Let us all faithfully finish the race…

And just when I thought my birthday was over, God is making each day a special day for me. Love You, Dad!

Senti...

2008-04-01T17:50:00.007+08:00

Di ito masyadong madrama, sana. Naisipan ko lang magsulat tungkol sa mga simpleng bagay na di akalaing nakakapagpa-senti...

Senti ... short for sentiments... or sa pang araw-araw na Tagalog, term sa mga feeling mag-emote.

Ang aming tinitirhan ngayon ay namana pa namin sa Ama ng aking Tatay. Di ko na alam kung gaano na ito katagal pero as far as I know, more than 75 years na itong nakatayo dahil almost 76 years old na si Tatay and bago pa sya ipinanganak ng kanyang Ina, nakatayo na ang bahay na ito. Mahigit sa sampung taon na rin ang nakakalilipas nang maipaayos, or ma-renovate, ang bahay na ito. Ngunit kahit sa haba na nang nagdaang mga taon, nami-miss ko pa rin yung lumang hitsura ng aming bahay. Maliwanag pa rin sa aking isipan ang bawat sulok (at alikabok, isama pa ang mga lumang gamit at kalat) nito. Paminsan-minsan ay naiisip ko pa rin ang mga masasaya (at malulungkot) na alaala sa aming lumang bahay. . . ang paglalaro ng taguan, ang panonood ng tv (take note, black and white), ang pagsasarado ng kahoy na bintana kapag malakas ang ulan na nilalagyan ng panangkal na bato sa gilid, ang pagpanhik-panaog sa kahoy na hagdanan, ang pag-igib ng tubig mula sa kusina papuntang banyo (nasa 1st floor ang deep well, nasa 2nd floor naman ang toilet) pero madalas ang mga kapatid kong lalaki ang nag-iigib dahil sadya akong mahina sa mga pisikal na gawain. Nakaka-miss...Naisip ko nga, kaya pala yung ibang tao kahit itaya pa nila ang buhay nila ay hindi aalis sa bahay ng kanilang nakalakhan. Yan ang nagagawa ng sentimental value.

Elementary at college. Para sa akin ito ang pinaka masayang panahon ng pag-aaral sa school. Contrary to popular belief, least like ko ang high school. (Kung meron man sa mga kaklase ko sa high school na makabasa nito, no offense meant classmates.) Sa elementarya kasi ay puro laro lang ang naaalala ko. Pagdating ng uwian ay naglalakad kami sabay-sabay ng aking mga kaklase at kaibigan. Kahit nga recess lang or lunch break, nakakapaglaro pa rin kami. Pag maramihan ang kalaro, moro-moro ang drama. Pag puro girls naman, sa loob lang ng room. Bahay-bahayan o kaya'y paper doll making o kaya'y pagalingan sa pag-drawing. Naalala ko pa nun, ang award sa pinakamagaling mag-drawing ay isang piraso ng maliit, pero cute, na stationery na hindi ko alam kung nasulatan ko man lang ba yun o tinapon nang Nanay ko sa katagalan sa taguan. Naglalaro din kami ng pikyaw or sha-tong. Isa sa mga paborito ko ay ang football. Pero syempre, pinaka-ayaw ko yung nasasalo ng taya ang bola once na sinipa ko ito... Sa college naman, napaka-independent ng buhay. Walang adviser, walang set of officers sa classroom. Bahala ka gumawa ng schedule mo basta dapat makuha mo ang lahat ng subjects for that semester. Kahit di ka mag-notes basta may classmate kang masipag magsulat (at dapat kaibiganin mo sya), ok na kasi pwede mo ipa-xerox ang notebook nya. Nakaka-miss ang pagtambay sa stairs ng North building o kaya sa oval seat sa tabi ng xerox machine sa first floor. Nakaka-miss ang paggawa ng reports using engineering lettering- the more pages the better, irregardless of the contents. Sakit lang sa kamay at magastos sa ink. Pero syempre ang pinaka nakaka-miss ay yung mga naging kaibigan, guro, at crushes. Mapalad ako sapagka't sa college madami akong naging tunay na kaibigan na kahit pa mahigit isang dekada na ang nakalilipas ay nagkikita-kita pa rin kami. At syempre sa bawat get-together, hindi maaaring di mapag-usapan ang tungkol sa school.

Isa pang nakaka-miss ay ang ka-simplehan ng buhay nung ako'y batang paslit pa. Wala pang cellphone nun, walang internet, walang PSP, walang MP3, walang masyadong sasakyan sa barrio namin, walang mga high-tech na laruan. Pero masaya kami, lalo na sa umaga at sa hapon kasi maglalaro kami ng aking mga kapatid at kaibigan. Bago pa nauso ang paintball, nakikipaglaro na ako ng barilan kahit ang baril ay pinutol lang na sanga ng ipil o kaya'y sanga ng bayabas basta korteng baril. Masaya rin magtaguan, at masarap umakyat ng puno at doon magtago. Taguang pong, taguang tsinelas, langit lupa, bahay-bahayan, lutu-lutuan, tinda-tindahanan, patintero, yagit na drama, manika-manikaan, at habulan. Yan ay ilan lamang sa mga nilaro at inenjoy ko noon. Masaya ring sumama sa Nanay sa araw ng palengke kasi madaming pwede ipabili at tulad ng karamihan ay madalas din akong umiyak sa gitna ng maraming tao dahil ayaw ako ibili ng Nanay ko ng isang bagay na nagustuhan ko dahil mahal ang presyo. At higit sa lahat, tahimik at payapa ang buhay noon. Sa konting pagkain at sapat na pera, basta buo ang pamilya, masaya. Minsan nga kahit kapos, basta mabait ang kapitbahay, tuloy ang buhay.

Simpleng bagay, simpleng alaala. Pero nakaka-miss talaga . . .

Silence

2008-03-03T12:46:00.013+08:00

As we are about to end our short trip in Bohol, I decided to have my quiet time in front of the white-sand beach. At six o'clock in the morning, the sun is slowly dispersing its light on all the corners of the earth, the crescent moon quietly watching the children, parents and adults playing in the waters, and the air carrying the soft sound of combined music from the lushes water and the song from radio. My eyes were so fascinated with the scene that as I talk to God I can't take my stare off the happy and playful people, the quiet blue water, the soft-white sand on the shore, and the birds flying carelessly in the sky. Some people were walking along the seashore while telling stories to each other, some doing their stretching and some, like me, seated quietly on the dry part of the shore.

God knew what my heart was at that time. I kept on thinking about that couple's retreat, about my brothers and sisters deciding to attend to something else that Sunday rather than completing the seminar, about my parents who were left at home to take care of the kids, about my classmate whom I haven't shared the gospel with, about my siblings who do not have a personal relationship yet with Jesus, about my love life, about my dgroup, about so many things. Then I started praising God for all the beautiful things He laid before me on that quiet place. And as I count them, the music of Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me filled the air as if it was my voice thanking my heavenly Dad of all the things He gave me. For all those stands You stood for me . . . For all the truths that You made see . . . For all all the joy You brought to my life . . . For all the wrongs that You made right. . . You're the One who held me up and never let me fall . . . Because You loved me . . .

He brought me to John 2:1, there was a wedding! A grand celebration of two hearts uniting to each other. Again, I remembered my siblings and I asked God that may they have a reunion with Him that day. I was so engrossed with how they will experience God. And as I was thinking about them, God's voice suddenly filled the air . . ." I love you more than you'll ever know, I love you more than you'll ever see. More than My heart could ever show, I love you more than you'll ever know. . . " Tears started to fall on my cheeks. I don't care if people around me noticed it, but it was so moving when I heard those lines. "Take my hand, we'll walk a while, we'll talk a while . . ." As I think of that wedding for my married siblings, Jesus was leading me to my relationship with Him. As I pour out my thoughts and my heart in praying for them, my Daddy held my heart and walked with me. That is what matters most to Him . . . my faith, that He knows exactly what He will do with family, that His plan for my friends are for their good, that He is faithful to His promises for the dgroup, that He will send the best man for me, that if only I trust Him fully all things will fall into places. To ease my troubled heart, my heavenly Dad assured me that He loves me more than I'll ever know, more than I'll ever see. As someone will see me at that moment, he may think that I was very silent . . . but that silence is louder more than the sound of everything else around me.

Take My hand. We'll walk awhile, we'll talk awhile.

Feel My love, always there beside you.

Be the one, I know you'll tell Me everything

You are the one I cherish more than anything

I love you more than you'll ever know

I love you more than you'll ever see

More than My heart could ever show

I love you more than you'll ever know

Think of Me. And know that I'll believe in you.

There'll always be

This precious time together

With every tear

A love so strong, no words could ever say

A love to last forever

I love you more than you'll ever know

I love you more than you'll ever see

More than My heart could ever show

I love you more than you'll ever know

Take My hand. We'll walk awhile, we'll talk awhile.

Feel My love always there beside you

Be the one, I know you'll tell me everything

You are the one I cherish more than anything

I love you more than you'll ever know

I love you more than you'll ever see

More than My heart could ever show

I love you more than you'll ever know

More Than Just Stars

2008-02-04T12:57:00.005+08:00

Early morning of Saturday . . . February 2, 2008 . . . while it was still dark, I together with my friend Minette, were driving on the road to attend a seminar entitled, Just Give Me Jesus. It was half our way when I noticed two bright beautiful stars staring at us as if trying to get our attention from the rest of the world. They are noticeably different from among the stars in the sky that day. Beside them was a crescent moon with a little star resting on top of it . . . It was such a beautiful sight . . . driving silently, enjoying the sky (I was driving so I just peeked once in a while), savoring the peace on the road, comforted by the warmth of my car (the AC was off, it was cold that day), excited for that seminar, chatting with Minette while listening to soft music.

Anne Graham Lotz delivered God's message incredibly good. She caught my attention when she presented the gospel in a new way (at least for me). I was reminded of how much Jesus loved me that eventhough He has the power to let go that brutal suffering, to just skip that scourging at the pillar, to silent those Pharisees and Sanhedrins, to strike King Herod at that moment when he questioned Him, to just let go of His breath and not feel the pain of those huge, big nails, to ask His heavenly Father to save Him . . . He intentionally and voluntarily went thru all of those pains, hurts, tears so that I can be saved and I can be righteous in the eyes of God. The music of Fernando Ortega, composer and singer of Just Give me Jesus song, filled the coliseum while the people (mostly women) sing along with the sound of his piano. I was overwhelmed at that day while we sing praises to God. I can see "hope" everywhere I put my eyes on. I see "rainbows" filled that arena. Rainbows (sign of hope) because I can only see the colors of shirts but cannot see the faces of the people. It's as if I was inside that "rainbow".

Before finally going home, two of my friends joined me for coffee. Our conversation was so intimate. I feel so close to these ladies as we share what's in our hearts, that we can be so open and true with each other, never mind being naked or vulnerable, and having no fear of being judged.

I almost forgot about those stars we saw that morning until I got a message later that night from Minette saying that those were not just stars. One is named Venus (the brighter star) and other is Jupiter!

I searched the net about this amazing sight and I'd like to quote Francis Redy's statement on these two stars that they "resemble a pair of celestial headlights - an appropriate comparison for an event that graces the morning commute."

I knew, God gave me Jesus from the start 'till the end of that day. . . more than just stars.

Photo was taken from antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod

Unforgettables

2008-01-30T15:37:00.001+08:00

Ultimate crush: Codename - B.S. I was in grade one, he was in grade 4. He was my bro's classmate, very neat and goodlooking (how does a 6-year old know what goodlooking means??). He was my ultimate crush until grade 3. But when I was in grade 4, I haven't seen him much. He transferred to another school for secondary level. :(
Update: he is still single! c",)

Favorite game: Taguan (hide and seek). When nothing to do at home, my siblings and I play taguan. Since I am the youngest and the smallest, I can hide anywhere. Miss playing with my ate's and kuya's.

The secret of Santa was revealed: It was early morning of Christmas 1986 when I heard my Ate telling my Nanay to put that red wallet in my stocking hung in our Christmas tree. I saw that wallet a few days ago in my Ate's bag but never thought it would be "Santa's" gift for me. I was devastated when the "secret" was revealed.

Winning a contest in Journalism: I was in the category of Copyreading and Headline Writing - English. Our team was qualified up to the national level. The event would take place in Naga City but our "beloved" school did not allow us to join. We were only two (both women) from our group who qualified to the national competition. I can't remember the exact reason why the school didn't allow us, but what remains in my mind is that our first chance to visit Bicol was cancelled.

1990 Earthquake: We were having our Filipino subject at the second floor of old high school building when the earthquake happened. I was seated in between a Christian and a Jehovah's witness classmates. The unforgettable about it was when the three of us held hands and prayed together. And the earthquake stopped, nobody was hurt in that room and even from our immediate families at home. The power of prayer.

Being sure of my salvation: 1990 in our chapel, Friday night. I was so sure I will go to heaven after believing and receiving Jesus in my heart.

Fire, almost!: College days, during one of our Physical Chemistry lab experiments. We were tasked to close a glass tubing by heating the other end. One of my classmates (bes, remember?) threw her heated glass to the sink. Without us knowing, the sink contains organic solvents! Oxygen, flammable material and heat are all present. What can you expect? Fire!!! Thank God, it was only small and was easily contained. I met our teacher (Mr. Aguilar), after about 5 years, in a convention and said he won't forget that time when we almost fired up his class. Hahaha

First tears of joy: Fourth year high school, when I won in the district level of Journalism contest. When my teacher (forgot her name though, but can still remember her face) told us that I was 3rd (not first) in our category, my tears just flowed down from my eyes. I was so embarrassed when people looked at me. But it was so good to cry out of joy.

This blog will definitely have more parts . . .

Who Am I?

2008-01-29T14:49:00.002+08:00

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am.
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again

Who am I?
That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am.
But because what of you’ve done.
Not because of what I've done.
But because of who you are.

Fish

2008-01-21T16:50:00.002+08:00

Have you ever wished you were a fish? Have you ever stared and entertained how a fish swims and make its way to the vast playground of water?

When I was a child, I often wonder how do fish swim so smooth and so cool and so at peace in water. I thought I would outgrown that fascination. But I was wrong, even now that I am an adult I would still stop and watch how fish makes it way up and down in water. They are so graceful and would surprise you when they just jump out of nowhere (and how can they do that?? They don't even have feet!). I love it most when I watch dolphin shows, when they do their antics and stunts and get so envy with those trainors who would even stand at the back of these dolphins and off they go as if they were surfing. I also like it when I see documentaries in television showing the life and survival of fishes. And these creatures come in different colors, different sizes, different shapes, different looks and with different styles of strokes!!! My favorite "fishy" movies are Nemo and Shark's tale. They are so cute to watch under water (even if they were just cartoons, hehe). Free Willy is also nice but it is so dramatic for me. And would you believe, I like that episode of Star Wars where there were underwater scenes? Where the Jedis hide temporarily and made agreements with this colony (okay, okay I forgot what's the name of that clan).

I also love fishing, but just the thrill of fishes eating my baits. And I get frustrated when they eat the bait but I won't be able to catch them. Haha!

Yeah, I swim but not am really a good swimmer. I can only float . . . huh!

Someday, I want to go scuba diving. Being under water and playing with these fascinating creatures. And see what its like in their kingdom . . .

Mornings

2008-01-17T12:47:00.005+08:00

Do you love waking up in the morning? Well, not too early morning. And not too late as well. Just the time when your room is lighted by the sunlight, when you hear a choir of birds singing their morning greetings to you, when you feel you have rested well and had a good sleep (and had a very beautiful dream too), when you feel like it'll gonna be a different day to savor and live your life.

What is the first thing you do after you have fully opened your eyes and decided to start the day? . . . If you have to go to office, probably you will directly go to the bathroom and wash your sleepiness away with a cold morning shower. Or you will go to the dining table, good for you if mom has prepared a sumptous breakfast. Or get your mobile phone and excitedly see if your crush (or special someone) remembered to send you a message. Or if you are a girl, you would stand in your closet and think for long (or even longer) hours which dress to wear.

Different people do different things in the morning. We all have our different routines. We all have our different activities, different habits.

For quite sometime now, I feel excited and loved and pampered in the morning. First thing, I wait to hear the sound of that group, the birds' choir surrounding my room. You see, I live in a very quiet and very simple little community in a province. You'll hear the crows of roosters, the barkings of dogs, the zooommm of tricycles, the voices of kids going to school, the sound of your tummy reminding you that you haven't fed her last night. Anyway, when I hear the chirping of the choir, I can't help but smile. (What a good act after opening my eyes!) And then, I will say my morning greetings to my Dad - I usually do this facing the window where the direction of sunrise is - and I will be greeted back by the warmth of His kisses filling the air with a bit of sunlight. Perfect! After that, we will have a little talk. I write down in my journal what His message is and will keep it in my heart for the whole day.

Then comes my other routines. Drinking one glass of water, taking a bath, spending a little (?) time in the closet and mirror, eat my breakfast, and then kiss my parents good-bye and off go to work. Oh by the way, if my car is dusty, I clean it first after I drink that glass of water.

The old order of things has passed away.

2008-01-07T12:23:00.004+08:00

Life is a cycle... just for now.

One day, you are very high emotionally, spritually. And one day, you will find yourself at its low point for no apparent reason! I wonder why it has to be that way?

I must admit, I am at my low point lately. I have every reason to be excited and joyful yet my spirit is so proud that it cannot appreciate anything, so insensitive and so callous. Foolish heart!

Then God brought me to this verse: He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Revelation 21:4) Wow, what a promise! In the new heaven and earth, the old order of things will be gone. It means that I won't feel lonely, down or depressed anymore! Every second is full of joy and laughter and true worship. It will be so much fun that I don't have to think about me, I and myself.

While waiting for that time, I am still in this present order of things. One amazing thing though, my Father never gets tired of encouraging me everyday, whispering to me how much He loves me, and providing for my daily needs even to the point of giving me my wants. I am His beloved anyway . . . c",)

I, together with two of my closest friends in church (Clarisse and SR), were in a friend's wake last Saturday. We all know that that day will come but still the loss of a beloved really hurts. Tita Laura, now a widow, tried her best not to look lonely and sad but her eyes cannot hide it. Tito Boy's two years of battle with his lung cancer was used by God to spread His word to a great number of souls. It was such an amazing and awesome testimony everytime Tito Boy would come to the pulpit and shares what God is doing in his life. I will miss his presence in the testimony line, but one thing is for sure . . . the old order of things in his life is now gone. And he is finally home to his Father in heaven. Enjoy the reunion Tito Boy . . .

A Different Christmas

2007-12-06T12:28:00.001+08:00

I will be celebrating this year's Christmas different from the other years. Why? Because I only have this year to celebrate the birth of my Savior at age _ _ ! Haha...

Its different, really. I have this something in me that I find difficult to let go. I remember a line from one of the popular singers in the country, Letting go to know that truth is not so hard to do . . . Trusting and believing Him is all we got to do . . . " Whew, I hope it's really that easy.

Afraid. Uncertain. Anxious. Trusting God will get me thru these. I've been praying to increase my faith. I believe He is teaching me to walk not by sight.

God will get me to the end of this and when we reached that end, a beautiful site is wating for me.

A different Christmas.