Letting You Go…

You were wearing a red shirt and maong pants when your dad introduced us to each other. I cannot remember the exact date, but it was in Hiyas Convention at the youth bs hall. You were covering your face with your right hand as if ashamed or embarrassed, but you were smiling. From then on, you become a regular face I see every week.

As time goes by, I learned more about you. So carefree, pasaway, maingay and most of all – sobrang masayahin. You may be annoying dahil sa kaingayan at kakulitan mo. But you continued to attend bs and dgroups. I remember you didn’t want to go to college. You didn’t want to study anymore. But after completing your college degree, you have another wish – you don’t want just an entry level in a company, you want to be there at once – at the top position. You shared that you don’t want to get married too, but later I found out that you even got a man before I have! Haha!

These words may not reach you now. But I want to say “thank you”. I learned to be more patient, to pray harder, to laugh more, to talk less and to listen more, to love and appreciate the people around me. Your transfer to Clang’s dgroup, I didn’t talk about it formally. It was hard for me, I just knew it’s time that I let you go. I’ve seen you’re maturing, being more responsible in your own ways. And I was glad that you accepted it, as I expected you would.

I’ve seen you cried once, and I regret that I was not that emphatic with you then. I didn’t understand how painful it was, but I know you’re hurting. We had the longest conversation (kahit thru text lang) that time. I wished I felt for you but that’s all I can do for you then, to be there and listen to what you’ll say.

Happy times, we have so many for laugh and fun are part of you. I won’t forget our time in Balay Indang, I was so glad when you said that you enjoyed the retreat. Your lips mentioned so many good things, it was a confirmation for me that you are really growing. But above all, I am most happy for I knew you have Jesus in your heart.

You were wearing a pink-stripped sort of jump suit (only fashionistas like you know what that dress is called, haha!) when you asked if you have kissed me already. I said, “di pa.” And then you kissed me and said, “aalis kasi ako. Bye.” It was sweet and sincere. We were in the new CCF worship hall, my first time to attend the service. And my last time to see you in your usual smiling face.

The first and the last encounter I have with you, they are treasured forever in my heart. I never thought letting you go could be this painful. Tears will stop from falling, but for now I just let them flow…

Peth, paalam… I’ll see you up there…

He will be missed

We are colleagues but we only communicate through emails and calls. Until the year 2006 I was given a chance to meet him in person in one of our trainings. First impression - silent, warm, "usual" American, and oh I can't understand his words clearly, they're so slang. We've been together in that training for more than one week. We usually have our dinner and breakfast together since we were booked at the same hotel. On those times I've learned that he is very warm, very silent (won't-talk-unless-you-initiate-the-conversation), very intelligent (he was in the academe for years), very hardworking, and he is a Christian. I also learned that he leads a bible study group, that he and his wife are active in the ministry, that his kids go to missionary trips when on vacation and that he works for God. At the end of the training, I gave him my accountability card. I don't know if he kept or used it.

We usually talk about work. But there are also times that we talk about our faith and share how we experienced God. I remember I sent him the testimony I shared in our church and he asked my permission to share it to the rest of his friends in our US office. Then in one of those times, he shared about his special son. By merely looking at him, you wouldn't expect that he can be open to others, especially about his family. Or maybe I judged him to be so reserved.

Physically, he is about 6'5" tall, huge built, white skinned, with brown eyes and brown hair. This big man keeps a very soft and kind heart. Upon learning about his son, our bond became more than colleagues. When we have time, we will talk about our personal as well as our spiritual life. There was this moment that we both feel spiritually weak, and the stories we shared with each other were enough to boast our spirit again. He would tell me that I am always in his prayers, especially when I travel. I was amazed the first time I heard it from him, I didn't know that God gave me a father more than a colleague in him. Though lately we don't usually talk, we both know that we keep our prayers for each other.

Until last week I received an email from him.

Ana,

I wanted to let you know before the announcement comes out that I have accepted a new position and will be leaving in February. I have really enjoyed our time working together and hope we can stay in touch...I will miss the consistent communication with you...I missed you while you were on vacation...

Those words were enough for my tears to fall. I was really sad. I felt like I am about to loose a very dear friend. Though we are still in the same company, but he will be moving to another business unit. Oh, I am missing him even now.

He assured me that we still keep in touch. And yes, life has to "move on". I stopped crying though I still feel sad especially at times when I think about our talks.

Yesterday my boss showed me an email from him, it reads:

Please take care of Ana. She's a treasure...

Bob, you are making me cry again . . .