THRILLED (a.k.a KILIG)

This may be a late post, and yeah I admit that some things are taking time before they sink in to me. Haha!

For this year, I was not that expectant for my birthday. Maybe because I am not excited to celebrate it since lately I am contemplating on another year that will be added to my age. (Hmmm, can that be considered a reason?? Hahaha). Anyway, I really did not expect for any extra special surprises this year.

My plan that day was to treat some very close friends from church for breakfast at our place. And in the afternoon, I will attend the renewing of vows of a couple who's close to my heart. That's my plan.

But God has other plans. Maybe He's thinking that MY plan was too simple for a princess. (grin)

I've been wanting yellow flowers since February. My friend maybe right, I think I'm already an addict! Addict to yellow flowers. Hehe! I love yellow and green, they are refreshing to the eyes and add happiness to my heart. And so because of that, I have already "imposed" to my dgroup that I want to receive yellow flowers!!! I even instructed them how to give those flowers to me. (Is this part of addiction? Or am I too demanding?) Hahaha!

I received from my dgroup the yellow flowers. Yeah! But what touched my heart was not the flowers after all. It's the time and effort they gave just to get those flowers. The sweat and the heat they endured just to make up for my "demand". Love you girls! They even made an AVP which really surprised me because my closest friends from college were there too. And of course, not to mention the kapamilya and kapuso stars who greeted me. Haha!

On the eve of my birthday, a friend even made a extra effort so he could be the first one to greet me on my exact birthday. It was special. (smile)

On the morning of my day, I am already contented with the yellow flowers I received. Then there were three yellow roses that come later. The yellow daisies were great, but the yellow roses are lovely too! It was also an EFFORT because I know getting those roses is really a challenge (based from feedbacks of the girls and other friends, haha!). Okay, okay... it was indeed a special day for me.

But God's surprises is not yet over. After sending my friends to take their ride home, I received yet another gift! A delivery man brought it to our home. It was in a very nice and tidy box. I was really shivering when I opened it (by the way, I needed a scissor to open it. That's how special and tight the seal was!). I felt that it's taking me forever before I could open it...I was speechless at the site of what's inside the box...a dozen fresh yellow roses arranged beautifully and neatly wrapped in special yellow paper! It come together with a sweet little bear. (I could even feel the tears as I write this part...) The gift was from my bestfriend. She's in Singapore but the distance did not hinder her to send me what I really like. Love you so much bes! God truly knows how to give my heart's desire for that day. God really knows how to make my day an extra special.

My happiness cannot be hidden. As I attended the wedding of my friends, people I met were telling me how beautiful I look that night. Modesty aside, I know it is God's love shining on me.

I was really thrilled. It really pays to be a special daughter of the King of kings, a beloved princess is what I mean...

P.S. My friend texted me a few days after. One of the guests from her wedding asked what my age is, her guest thought I was under 20!!! (wide grin)

T E A R S

21 GUNS (by Green Day)

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

The first time I heard this song, I was instantly attracted to it. You won’t be easily attached to something if it has nothing to do with you. And yes, this song has to some extent, expressed what I undergone for the past months.

I was in lost, I don’t know what my heart was like. For about six months, it couldn’t feel anything. Weird as it may sound, I even tried reading stories or watching films that will let my tears out. But all did not move my heart to feel what I want to be feeling. Not that I don’t care at all, but my heart is not “behaving” like normal. (Oh no, I’m not having heart problems as per medically speaking.)

I give up thinking of ways on how my heart will go back to normal. I just want that one cry, a hard flow of tears which I believe would heal whatever hurt I was hiding inside. Then one of my friends said that maybe there was no pain at all that is why I can’t cry. I guess that one started to sink in, that maybe I have no hurt and no wound to heal.

I went back in living my routine – laughing out loud, going home excitedly, sleeping as long as I want, having my intimate conversation with God, talking to friends and serving in the ministry. All has started to go back to normal.

Then recently the most awaited tears have come out! I was hurt so deep that my eyes become a wellspring of tears (hapdi na ng eyes ko and the tears just keep on pouring out). It is ironic because inspite of the pain, I know I have my heart back! I was not happy for the cause of tears, it was really painful, the first time I felt it from someone I loved so much. But what made me glad is that I once again cried my heart out. I haven’t had an idea that I will be going such a trying time with someone so so close to me.

Again this may sound weird, but after that incident I felt that the excitement is back. Not that I am excited to cry every moment, but I am excited to talk to God, to serve Him and to feel Him even in the most simple ways.
All this time, it is just a matter of giving up and surrendering everything to God. Like in the song, I threw my arms into the sky and gave up “my” fight for the battle is not mine, it is the Lord’s.

The Other Side of Life

What has life to offer me when I grow old? What’s there to look forward to beyond the biting cold?

You’ll guess that this entry is somewhat dramatic. The past weeks were unimaginable for me (and for my best friend as well). I was bombarded by serious problems. Well, not mine personally, but with problems of people who are dear to me. I was in shock while waiting for everything that is going on to sink into my finite understanding. I couldn’t believe that this is happening. One problem after the other. Eventhough I do not experience them myself but knowing your loved ones are undergoing difficulties, it’s as if I also am going through that same path with them.

Nothing is permanent in this fallen, imperfect world. The sweet and smooth sailing life can come to a point of breaking apart. The silent and peaceful every day can become a catastrophe of events. The consequences of past wrong choices will eventually take its course. Broken relationships, facing legalities, health fading away, faith swayed by deceit.

What is the normal reaction? Escape. Out. Isolation. If it is only that easy, but we all know that it’s not. And the hardest part is to accept that we all need to go through the process until this comes to pass.

I also have my own problems lately. Knowing these people who, inspite of what they are going through, have decided to face life and continue living. They inspire and encourage me to be the same. To keep focused and soar high. To be safe and secure in the eye of the storm.

This too shall pass. This too will end. This too is just the other side of life.

Tomorrow is another day. Looking for the brighter days. Hoping for greater things. God is faithful.

2010 Philippine Election

Here comes the time when government officials are busy touring around the country and really getting sweat to meet and handshake every voter along the way.

For the presidentiables, I have my choice but it’s not yet final. In reality, I haven’t really studied the credentials of each candidate yet, or even just the “possibles” for that matter. The vice president, senators and below the ranks, will come later.

Just this week I watched from the news about the minorities in Zambales learning the new process of voting. I got goose bumps while seeing them study the electronic voting system. Some were nervous when they mis-inserted the ballot in the machine. Others grinned as they perfectly made it through. These are aetas doing their part so they can join and exercise their veto rights. And here I am having all the resources to do mine, but still reluctant and complacent with the coming election. But after watching that news, I was moved to start praying for and evaluating my candidates. I am one of those who are hoping that Philippine government will improve and I believe I should be doing my part as well. Yes, it may take a long time for the changes to happen but at least I can give my share.

I find it funny though when people ask me who's my bet for the president's role and then when I give my answer, they usually say (in shocked), "Oh, really?" Sorry guys, maybe next time just tell me yours if that is what you want to say.

As the election date comes nearer, I pray that there will be less violence and less deceit as we wait on who will take those positions and take the lead in managing our dear beloved country. There are many sweet promises and good plans being laid down for the Filipinos, will they ever come true? I hope so…

Christmas Letter

I always wanted to go back to school. I was thinking of enrolling for a masteral's degree or even a short-term course on chemistry or animal nutrition. But probably my willingness is not enough to start any of it. So when the GLC course was opened, I excitedly enrolled!

It was fun attending classes again. I got the Saturday schedule and after all these months, every Saturday class is an exciting day for me. I make it a point that I wake up early so I won't be late (we have a high-tech sign-in process so late comers are detected, hehehe).

Every now and then, we have projects and assignments. And last December we have been given a project to write a letter to someone we do not know. I am not really sure if my letter was given to anyone, but I find it interesting to share what I wrote (if there are people who might drop by at this site and hopefully they are Pinoy, hehehe). I love writing letters to friends and loved ones and so when this project was given, I enthusiastically wrote down what's in my mind and what's in my heart.
I hope you will find this worth reading...

December, 2009

Sa isang minamahal,

Mapagpalang araw sa iyo!

Marahil ay nagtataka ka sa pagtanggap mo ng liham na ito. Nais ko lamang ibahagi sa iyo ang kaunting kwento ng aking buhay at dalangin ko na sana ay ma-bless ka habang binabasa mo ito.

Ako ay si Marie Clemente, single at nakatira sa Calumpit, Bulacan. Nasa grade 5 ako noon nang malaman kong di pala totoo si Santa Claus. Alam mo bang tuwing Pasko ay excited ako sa regalong matatanggap ko kay Santa Claus? Minsan ay di talaga ako natutulog pagkatapos ng noche Buena dahil gusto kong makita nang personal si Santa Claus. Kaya ganun na lang ang disappointment ko nang malaman kong di pala tuna yang pinaniniwalaan ko. Maraming taon at Pasko na ang lumipas ngunit hanggang ngayon ay naaalala ko pa rin ang pangyayaring iyon.

Mayroon pang isang pangyayari sa buhay ko na hinding hindi ko malilimutan. Lumaki akong pala-simba at ang aming pamilya ay nagdarasal ng sabay-sabay. Maayos ang aking pag-aaral at hindi ako sakit sa ulo ng aking mga magulang. Sa tingin ko ay walang problema sa akin. Mabait ako. Yun ang alam ko. Ngunit isang araw ay may nag-share sa akin tungkol kay Hesus. Buong akala ko ay ayos na ayos na ako. Nalaman kong makasalanan pala ako. Nagsisinungaling, nag-iisip ng hindi maganda sa kapwa, sumasagot sa magulang – ang lahat pala ng ito ay katumbas din ng malalaking kasalanan. Ang kasalanan pala sa mata ng Diyos ay pantay-pantay. Pinaka natakot ako nang malaman kong ang kabayaran ng kasalanan ay kamatayan – kamatayang papunta sa impyerno. Ayokong mapunta ang kaluluwa ko sa impyerno. Laking tuwa ko nang ipaliwanag sa akin ang lalim ng pagmamahal ng Diyos sa akin. Gayon na lamang ang pag-ibig ng Diyos sa akin kaya’t pinadala Nya ang nag-iisa Nyang Anak na si Hesus para Sya ang tumubos ng aking kasalanan. Sya ang nagbayad na dapat ako ang gaganap. Ang kapalit ng Kanyang kamatayan ay ang kapatawaran ng aking kasalanan, ang pagkakaroon ko ng buhay na walang hanggan at ang pagbibigay sa akin ng karapatan na maging anak ng Diyos. Ang lahat ng ito ay regalo ng Diyos, ang kailangan lang ay tanggapin ang regalong ito. Tulad ng paghihintay ko noon sa regalo ni Santa Claus, excited ko ding tinanggap ang regalong binigay ni Hesus. Buong pagpapakumbaba kong inamin ang aking kasalanan, hiningi ng tawad ang mga ito at malaya kong binuksan ang aking puso para kay Hesus. Nakadama ako ng tunay na kaligayahan sa aking puso. Ngayong alam kong natanggap ko na ang pinaka mahalagang regalo sa buong mundo – ang kasiguraduhan ng pagkakaroon ko ng tunay na relasyon sa Diyos at ang kasiguraduhan na pag ako’y nawala na dito sa mundo, diretso akong mapupunta sa kaharian ang aking Amang nasa langit.

Ikaw, natanggap mo na ba ang pinakamahalagang regalo? Kung hindi pa, sana’y huwag mong palagpasin ang pagkakataong ito na tanggapin ang regalo ni Hesus. Lumapit ka sa Kanya at buong pusong ibigay ang buhay mo. Naghihintay Sya sa iyo.

Ngayong kapaskuhan, inaalala natin ang pagsilang ni Hesus – ang Kanyang birthday. Dalangin ko na ngayong taon ay madama mo ang tunay na dahilan ng Pasko. Ipinanganak si Hesus para sa iyo. Nabuhay Sya bilang tao para sa iyo. Namatay Sya sa krus para sa iyo. At nabuhay Syang muli para sa iyo. Kaibigan, ang pagmamahal ni Hesus ay para sa iyo. Ikaw ang laging laman ng Kanyang puso. Ikaw ang laging laman ng Kanyang isipan. Ganyan ka Nya kamahal. Alam ko dahil na-experience ko ito. Ako ay nagpapatotoo sa kabutihan at pag-ibig ng Diyos.

Isang makabuluhang Pasko ang iniiwan ko sa iyo. Naghihintay na ang regalo mo. Buksan at tanggapin mo.

Maraming salamat sa pagbabasa mo ng liham ko. Hindi man tayo magkakilala ng personal, dalangin kong magkikita tayo sa kaharian ng Diyos balang araw.

Mahal na mahal ka ng Diyos!


Gumagalang,

Marie Clemente