Free Space

This is my free space, my place where my secrets are shared, where my feelings are opened, where my soul is released. 

Sobbing, crying, hurting but courageously bearing the pain. When will my heart be frozen so I can finally let it go?

It is happening again...history is repeating itself. When will the change be happening? 

Too close from admitting it to him, yet what can it profit me? It may even affect his "happy heart" today.

I don't want to be selfish, though I still want to be there for him.

Not yet time. Not yet him. Not yet for me.

Unfollow.

Yung Moment #2

Yung moment na gusto mo nang umamin sa friend mo na crush mo sya at bigla kang may mababasang "wag na wag kang aamin dahil dalagang Filipina ka!". Boom!

Yung Moment#1

Yung moment na naisakay mo sa kotse mo ang childhood crush mo at pinag-usapan nyo ang mga anak nya tapos tinanong ka bakit single ka pa? Smile ka lang at sagot with full composure at tatag ng loob. LOL!

The Risk

I knew I loved you even before you know it. I'll take the chance, take the risk, I'll get hurt. But this time I'll be braver and firm because I love you.

Hard-hearted

Strong on the outside but crushing down in the inside. How much more can you bear? How much pain can you still handle? You were made to be strong, fragile but brave.

The Challenge

It all started with the challenge given from the series we held at our church for singles and college students. The series was superb (thanks to Pastor Andy Stanley), every message has its own kick to anyone who would seriously listen and learn from it. Then there is this challenge that I was so afraid to take. I am afraid because I know myself. I know that I made a lot of promises but most of them remain a promise unfulfilled. I am also afraid of what this challenge might change me into – something that I never thought I would like to be.

After all the reasoning and defenses, I finally said YES to it. I challenged myself not to engage into any date with the opposite sex, not to entertain any conversation that might lead to emotional attachment with men, not to even think of having a partner (a boyfriend or a husband). Seems like a risky challenge huh? You bet, I’m not even sure if I really made it clear with myself what I got into. He he he. We had this “extreme” measure system so that we can be protected from impurity or immorality. One of the extreme measures I decided to do is not to have any man (except for family members) to ride at the passenger seat of my car.

One time I had a seminar in Manila with one of my male colleagues. I have to bring my car and so it will just be the two of us riding together. Then I remember the challenge. So I asked for help from another male friend. He was kind enough to accompany me so there will be no exclusivity between me and my officemate. One point for me there.
I did an audit in our other office and needed to bring again my car. Another male colleague asked me if he can hitch back to our main office. At first, I got startled that he might seat beside me in the car. But then God told me to have him sit at the back, which he actually did. Two points!

At another time, we had a global conference call that ended at past 9:00pm. Another male colleague had asked me beforehand to hitch in my car on going home. I already knew then what to do, he will sit at the back. When the meeting was over, this colleague said that he will wait for a public transport and should I come out of the plant and him still waiting at the gate, he will ride with me. Thank God, just before I leave he texted me saying that he was already on his way home in public commute. Not a point for me there, but moreso for God.

I am nearing the third month of this challenge; it is still early to tell what positive impact this has on me. But yesterday I had a very thrilling day. I have a secret crush with an officemate. I like him because of his intellect, not my usual white-complexion type though. He is from a different department and our work is not much related. It means that our encounter is very, very minimal. Thankfully we have extra curricular activities at the office! That was a little chance for me to work with him. And so yesterday was the closest to the encounter. He went to my office to ask about a project and after our short conversation, he asked for my number! Yeah I know it was nothing personal, but I really got thrilled on the thought that “my crush asked for my number”. Hi hi hi. I don’t even know if he will ever use my number – text or call, but nonetheless, I was really thrilled.
So how about that challenge? That encounter yesterday was more on the fun side. No strings attached, no emotional whatsoever, just pure and clean business matter. I really got thrilled though. Ha ha ha.

I thank God for this challenge. I know I will learn something from it that will draw me closer to Him. It is still a long way to go, but I know I am not alone in this. God is with me, together we will finish the challenge successfully.

My Discovery for 2011

After I surrendered my life to Jesus, it was my immediate family’s salvation that I prayed for intensely. I wanted for them to have the same joy I am experiencing – a personal relationship with God.


On my journey, I also remembered my relatives. I was even trying to understand how can they be saved too since we have this big family. Who would share the good news with them? Will they accept Jesus? How can I invite them to church? I have so many questions.

In 2011 I learned some things about our family. From my mother’s side, there is at least one Christian now in each family. It may be a youth, a father, a family, and God has showed me that there are only two of mom’s siblings that have no “Christian” yet in their family. I was able to chat with my cousin one day and was so grateful to know that he is a Christian now. What I felt for my immediate family is his feelings right now. I know what God is doing in my own loved ones; He can surely do the same for my cousin’s.


It is so comforting to know that eventhough I prayed for that many years ago, God answers are still coming.

Lord, thank You that when You saved me, You did not stop with only me. Thank You for doing Your way for the rest of my family. I pray that in my lifetime I will see your goodness for all my loved ones.

I can't wait to more discoveries of You!

You Were There

The rain has stopped.
The storm has passed.
Look at all the colors, now the sun is here at last.
Father God, thank You for being there.

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure. - 1 Corinthians 10:13

In the Midst of the Storm

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

With the recent calamity we had experienced, it is so tempting to dwell on what was lost…

God has been and always will be our Protector, Provider and Refuge.

When typhoon Pedring came, I was able to go home early that day. God protected me from darkness and debris along the road.

The water started to rise. Nanay just bought our groceries for the week. We have enough food.

It took longer than I expected for the electricity to power up. I was able to charge my phones before the flood.

Days were passing, water level is getting higher. Still without electricity and the water supply has been cut off as well. Ate applied for purified water dealership, we have enough water supply.

Water reached the 2nd floor of our house! This was the first time we experienced such great flood. We still have our 3rd floor and rooftop to keep dry.

Our cars were parked on high grounds but the water level is higher. The owner of the lot where the cars were parked is an automotive mechanic. He sends us messages from time to time. Kuya was able to take out the computer box from Wyt and tied the two vehicles as well.

In God’s divine ways, I had an Elijah-experience. Everyday I asked God to stop the water from rising. It didn’t. I asked God to have the power back. It didn’t. I asked God for better sleeps. It didn’t. I kept praying until one day, the water level started to go down. All I uttered was “praise God!”

My spiritual family was all worried about us that they didn’t stop until they were able to send rescuers to our home. I, together with five family members and relatives, left our house. As we were going to dry land, I saw how great that flood was! I was safe at home, spending time with my family, praying for the water to subside – all this time, God has been keeping us in the eye of the storm. An unimaginable flood has come to our town. There were empty houses. There were people trying to survive. Calamity is everywhere. Yet God kept our eyes away from the awful situation.

It saddened me to be away from my family but more rejoicing when I get involved with the relief operation. Being “out of water” makes me see a clearer view of what God is trying to do. Need is everywhere and many people (most of them I do not know of) are all together helping out.

This flood maybe awful but has God promised that all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things and you'll see that you are in the safest place...in the eye of the storm with God alone.

Never Felt Boredom

We had a 4-day weekend. For long holidays, I usually get bored because most of it are commonly spent at home – doing nothing valuable. And so my dgroup planned a trek to Mount Pinatubo. The plan was good: we’ll go up on Monday and we’ll rest on Tuesday so we can be ready for the Wednesday usual office work. We’ll just go there by public transport since no one volunteered to do a long and tiring drive. Then an unexpected typhoon came! So much for the trekking…

I spent my Saturday in the ministry, well the first part of the day was in bed. Hehe. Attended the event in church and then went to dgroup that ended at 11pm! It was raining hard, really. Sunday, I needed to wake up early for my sister requested me to attend the 1st worship service and that means getting up as early as 6am. By the way, during our dgroup, I had a cup of coffee which kept my mind awake until two in the morning! Coffee doesn’t usually have that effect much on me, but I don’t know why on that particular time, my mind couldn’t sleep. Anyway, that Sunday I slept from 12noon to 3pm. I still want to stay in bed but I don’t want to miss a TV series I regularly watch. Haha! And again, there was a typhoon, so the kids cannot play outside and made our living room their play area. They played basket using a balloon and it was really a chaos. There were five of them- shouting, running, jumping and is everywhere. So much for my TV watching. I wanted to go back to my room but decided to be with the kids, speaking of spending time with family. Hehe. And so the rest of the day was playtime mode.

Instead of going to Mount Pinatubo that Monday, the group finally decided to visit Marquee Mall. Though only three of us were able to make it, there were two bodyguards (friends) who also came with us. We ate our now favorite Brother’s burger (missing the mayo and catsup), watched a movie (we only knew then that there was such a film! It has a good story though.), did some shopping (err, more shopping?) and even had kodakan moments (free from the movie tickets). And the highlight of it was having my new toy! (I’m-busy-please-don’t-disturb)

The last day of my long weekend was used in cleaning my room (finally my bedroom was able to breathe) and on a date with my close friend. We always plan for that date but our schedules are often in conflict and so yesterday we enjoyed our chat, eating and even did a little grocery.

Today is the start of going-back-to-reality. I find it funny though ‘coz my bible verse this morning was from Proverbs 31 woman, speaking of getting-up-early-while-it-was-still-dark. I will miss my morning long sleep…

Thank You, Father God, for the peaceful rest and the time spent with the people who matter most to me. Thank You for never letting me feel any boredom.

KINDNESS

The rain started to pour lightly. Made the weather cooler though. I did something I haven’t done before, that is, bursting out what’s in my heart that I am keeping inside for a longer time. Before that “explosion”, I felt like I was someone I am not.

I know I’ve caused pain so I humbled myself and asked forgiveness for what I did only to get hurt even more. I thought my asking for sorry will release me from the ache but I was wrong. That night, God talked to me in a very intimate way, a conversation I haven’t had for a longer time too. Every word He uttered is replied back with tears. God talked to me like a Father and assured me that He hasn’t forgotten anything about me.

The next day I was again truthful to someone only to give hurt once more. Have I done wrong for the second time? It was so painful that I thought I lost every investment I had on that relationship. God told me to humble myself again. The following day I asked for forgiveness and it was accepted. Later that day, I received a text message and it saddened me again. Will the rain ever stop?

I went to God and tried focusing my mind to other things until my hand ached from writing and told God that I am tired. Instantly, my phone rang. It was an international number, a call I don’t usually answer. But that time I got it and hoping it will be a lady on the other line. Indeed, a good friend I never talked to in a while shared stories that lifted my spirit. And before the call ended, she shared good news that soothed my worries. God really has His ways of taking care of me.

This morning as I was going to the office, I felt something is wrong with my car but didn’t mind it that much. Until someone got my attention and told me about a flat tire. The place where the problem was confirmed was near a vulcanizing shop. I only needed to turn and I was the only customer. As I was waiting to get my tire fixed, I checked on my phone and saw a message from my brother warning me of that tire. Nothing is too late for God; He had protected me all the way until I reached a safer place to fix the problem.

The rain is still pouring. The weather is still cooler. It is wet everywhere. And God is in it all the time. His kindness never fails.

The Green Team

It was an honor to be a Green Team member, especially working with my groupmates.

Excitement was the first emotion I felt when my superiors volunteered me to be part of the Green team. And as we go on with the group, the excitement is changing to admiration and inspiration.

Each member comes from different departments. It was my first time to work with most of them. And it is fascinating and surprising to know each one personally through our projects and meetings.

Green day celebration is one of the biggest projects of the team. Needless to say, each member is excited and enthusiastic for the event. As Sir Danny started to challenge us to prepare for the celebration, everyone gave time and much thinking on how can the celebration be better and meaningful this time.

We were assigned to different roles and were given different responsibilities. Everyone did his job in sourcing out for the best idea for the upcoming event. Everyone was in his high momentum. Everyone was excited.

The plan was almost complete when the BIG change was laid down to us. The BIG change means finding an alternative to all the preparations that we did. Eventhough it means to look for a different venue, the team did not lose its momentum. Another challenge came up. We needed to revise the budget. Again, the team did not spend much time dwelling on the WHY but more on the HOW.

It is at this time that I was in awe with my teammates. A number of email exchanges, meetings, brainstorming, decision making, revisions – but the team never loses its focus. Negative feedbacks did not hinder the team to courageously work out and do the best for the company and for the co-employees.

I must admit that at one time, I feel like giving up, I feel like “bahala na kayo dyan”, I feel like stopping and just concentrate on my daily work. Thanks to the passion for success that my teammates are exhibiting, I found myself on the same momentum as they are.

Days before the Green day, there is still one major award left unoccupied. Another twist came, the decision to choose the awardee was given to us. It was so tempting to give up but Green team as we are; the group gave whatever is needed.

The celebration was a success! Happy faces and satisfied colleagues are what we see. All the effort and hardwork by the team has been paid off. The scene where each member did his part in the program is worth keeping in my memory.

Full engagement, connectivity, reaching out – these are but only a few of the many values I observed that my teammates are living out. They never give in! They are so passionate – passion, passion, ACTION!

One more year to work together. One more year of connection, collaboration, fellowship. But I know that what we started won’t end after one more year. Instead, it will be for longer years.

The Man I Truly Love

I can still remember that time when it’s you whom I only want to be with. I feel so secured and safe when we are together. I miss the times when we play; I miss those habulan; I miss that laughter that we shared; I miss being just your little girl. Years passed and so many things have come and gone. We had this 3-year long silence. I made you cry. I hurt you. All because of my disobedience. When it comes to love, I know you only want the best for me. You’ve met all those who tried to win my heart, but all of them didn’t pass your standard. Maybe the right one is still on his way. At one time I was a bit confused why you acted differently when it comes to courting. In the end all I know is that you know what is right for me. The man I almost gave my heart to, you really were disappointed. Just at first glance, you know he is not right for me. Is it true? Definitely, you are correct with your judgment. I’m glad that I have someone like you in my life. Together, we faced big trials lately. I’m glad you are with us as we pass through them. What makes me sad though is that at this time in your life, these sad things happened. I believe it’s now time that we should be the ones making you happy. The physical strength is slowly passing by. I always pray at night that God will give you a good sleep. I still want you to be there and walk with me on that aisle. I still dream of you playing with your grandchildren from me. I still wish of happy moments with you. Tatay, thank you for all your love. Thank you for being the best father I could ever have. Thank you that you are still there whenever I need you. Thank you for keeping me as the apple of your eye. Thank you for all your sacrifices for me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for allowing me to know Jesus in my life. Thank you for forgiving me after all the hurts and pains I caused you. Not everyone is given this chance to have so many happy memories with their fathers, I am so blessed that I am one of the fortunate children. I will be forever grateful to our Lord. I pray that your heart is happy as you celebrate your special day. We still yet to celebrate more years of God’s faithfulness in your life. Happy, happy birthday Tatay! I love you so much.

Dark Choco Bars

I was so busy the whole day yesterday with meeting and attending to our visitor (my boss from the US). We went out for dinner and by the time we reached the office, it was already late. I was surprised to receive a gift handed to my by the guard at post and even more surprised to read that card which says that it is from my loving dgroup. I received three bars of dark toblerone chocolate. What could that possibly mean? Hahaha. We, my dgroup and I, understood what those 3 bars mean to me. Love you girls. Just the thought of knowing you love me and accept me with all my flaws and imperfections, make my heart cries for gratitude and joy.

It Happens

I woke up today with nothing unusual.

6am, still early to get up so I closed my eyes again. 7am, ok it’s now time to get out of bed. This scenario is normal.

I took a shower, had my breakfast and prepared to leave for office work.

Nothing unusual; all happened in the same way it happens everyday.

I reached the office at the normal time, that is, past 8am. Prepared my table and did my routine.

But somehow I realized there was something wrong.

Uh-oh, where’s my laptop? Have I left in my car?

Ahhhh! I left it at home!!!

I was about to ring my sister and tell her to bring my laptop to my office instead of me going back home. But then I also realized that my bedroom was locked and the key is with me! Great! I don’t have any other choice but to drive back home.

My officemate was already teasing me. So I went out from our building and halfway through I needed to go back to my desk!

I forgot to bring along my car key!

What’s going on with me?

This is not the first time I forgot my laptop at home. I believe today is just the second but this time, other stuff were also forgotten.

Have you had the same experience?

Well, it happens, you know…

When the Basics are Sometimes Forgotten

We were walking our way back to the parking lot after a good day God has planned.

Me: Excited na ako for the next prayer and fasting.
Monette: (smiling)
Me: Dati, I've prayed for four people. Two have already been answered.
Monette: (still smiling)
Me: Dalawa na lang! Sya at si Fe.
Monette: Malapit na sya...nararamdaman ko na...
Me: Talaga? Sana nga...di ko pa kasi maramdaman...
Monette: ...That's FAITH!...

We reached the car with smile on my face.

New Year Song

I thank God for new year because it is at this time that people get a chance to asses and plan for life. Be it a reality or another new year's plan, it is at new year's time that most of us become hopeful for the days to come.

One day as I was driving on my way to office, this song by Katy Perry got my attention. It has an inspiring message and pushing one to go and be like a Firework! One of my favorite lines is "You don't have to feel like a waste of space. You're original, cannot be replaced."

Hope you get inspired by this song as much as it did to me...

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shineJust own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!
"You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!
"Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

PUSH

This was a game forwarded to me by my bestfriend, we had so much fun when we did this together for the first time. And yes, this is my second try but this time using my own playlist. The results were as hilarious as the first. The first try was posted on my Facebook account.

Here are the game rules.
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. Write the song (title) NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag as many people that you want to do this activity with (or at least those who would hopefully find this fun).

Below are my answers. Enjoy!

1. If someone says, "Are you okay?", you say...? Need you now (Lady Antebellum)
Hmmm, well that’s according to my playlist. Hehe

2. How would you describe yourself? Slide Away (Oasis)
Am I sliding away? Probably.

3. What do you like in a guy/girl? – Para Sayo (Parokya ni Edgar)
Sobrang mapagbigay naman. LOL!

4. How do you feel today? – Save Me (Remy Zero)
Oh yeah, please!

5. What is your life's purpose? – Soldier’s Daughter (Tonic)
Prequel to A Warrior is a Child blog.

6. What is your motto? – Feels so Good (Nyoy Volante)
If life could be good all the time.

7. What do your friends think of you? – Blind (Lifehouse)
If I am blind, how come they are my friends? LOL!

8. What do your parents think of you? – As Long As It Matters (Gin Blossoms)
Hmmm…so understanding.

9. What do you think about most often? – Big Machine (Goo Goo Dolls)
Do I?

10. What is 2 + 2? – Love Song for No One (John Mayer)
…so tired of being alone

11. What do you think of your best friend? – Songbird (Oasis)
This is much better than the song I got on my first try.

12. What is your life story? –Shes’ A Rebel (Greenday)
C’mon!

13. What do you want to be when you grow up? – Something To Be (Rob Thomas)
Isn’t it to be someone and not something?

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like? – Geek Stink Breath (Green Day)
Geek!

15. What will you dance to at your wedding? – Live Forever (Oasis)
Couldn’t it be so tiring? LOL!

16. What will they play at your funeral? – Creep (Radiohead)
Hahaha!

17. What is your hobby/interest? – Baby By (Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris)
Can’t believe I have this song! LOL!

18. What is your biggest fear? – Half the World Away (Oasis)
I don’t want to be so far from my loved ones.

19. What is your biggest secret? – Liberian Girl (Michael Jackson)
Even I didn’t know this secret. Haha!

20. What do you want right now? – You Wanted More (Tonic)
No satisfaction. Hehe.

21. What do you think of your friends? – Long Day (Matchbox Twenty)
I need to spend a long day for my long list of good friends!

22. What will your child's first words be? – Everything is Not Broken (John Mayer)
My baby is so optimistic!

23. What do you say when you look in the mirror? – Will You Be There (Michael Jackson)
I find this one creepy. What if I don’t see my reflection in the mirror???

24. What did you say in your sleep last night? – You Are What You Are, Beautiful (Christina Aguilera)
Yeah, yeah. LOL!

25. What will you post this as? – Push (Matchbox Twenty)
It’s not Complicated anymore. LOL!

Playful

I sent this message to a close friend: "love you"
The reply I got: "I love it"
Well, I don't know if it means the person loves my message or loves me. But the pronoun used was 'it".

Then another friend sent me this message: "love you"
I wanted to reply back: "I love you too"
But what I sent was: "goodnight"

A Year-end Story?

Isang buwan na lang and another year is over. Ang bilis talaga ng panahon, sabi nga nila. Totoo nga kayang bumibilis ang takbo ng orasan? Minsan napapaisip ako kung nababago ba ang speed ng pag-ikot ng mundo? Ngunit ang lahat naman ay ginawa ng Diyos na sakto lang, walang labis at walang kulang.

Noong nakaraang taon, may matinding pagsubok ang dumaan sa buhay ko. For the first time, I cried so hard because of heartache. Yung iyak na napapanood ko lang sa mga movies, na tingin ko pa nga ang OA (over acting). Pero totoo palang pag sobrang sakit, mapapaiyak ka na lang nang labis. Akala ko matindi na yun, pero mas matindi ang mga dumaan ngayong taon.

Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon I was hurt by someone I considered one of my very best friends. Di ko alam nasasaktan pala sya sa mga ginagawa ko na ang akala ko naman ay okay lang sa kanya. Nung nalaman ko yun, nasaktan ako dahil may tinatago na pala syang hinanakit sa akin. Ngunit ang pinakamasakit ay ang pag-isipan nya ako ng di magagandang bagay. Nag-usap kami at sinabi nya sa akin lahat ng naramdaman at inisip nya. Sobrang sakit na marinig yun, halos hindi na makakita ang mga mata ko sa sobrang iyak. Hindi ko akalaing mapapag-isipan nya ako ng ganun. Ilang araw ko ring dinamdam yun. Ngunit nangibabaw ang pagmamahal namin sa isa’t isa. Sa ngayon, okay na kami. Sabi nya kalimutan na namin yun at humingi rin sya ng sorry sa akin.

Ngayong taong ding ito, my family went through a very difficult trial. Something unexpected happened to one of our dear loved ones. Yung kasabihang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa, parang ganun ang naramdaman namin. At for the very first time, each of us cried, men and women in the family. And at that moment, my respect towards my father was even intensified. I know he was also hurting but since he is the leader of the family, he needed to encourage and strengthen us. He showed us the positive side of the situation. He reminded us of the love of God. I cried in gratefulness to the Lord for blessing me with a father like my Tatay.

At the last quarter of this year, I also experienced a slight depression (or maybe because of the previous trials that I went through) when one of the most precious friendships I have was tainted. Ang hirap din nung time na yun. On those moments that I needed a friend, di nya ako sinamahan. Inisip ko pa nga na siguro meron din syang pinagdadaanan kaya umiiwas sya sakin. I tried to reach out sa kanya, pero ang layo nya. Sabi nya sa akin lagi lang syang nandyan dahil kaibigan ko sya, ngunit nung mga oras na pinaka-kailangan ko sya, dun naman sya lumayo. Until we talked and I learned bakit sya lumalayo. Wala akong naramdaman nung nag-uusap kami, isang linggo yata ang lumipas bago nag sink in sa akin yung sinabi nya. And when I realized everything, I felt I lost another friend. Nag-flash back ang lahat, hirap pigilan ang luha. Nararamdaman ko naman na nagri-reach out sya, kaya lang di pa siguro ako handa na magtiwala muli. I still need to compose myself and wait for that time na pwede ko na ulit ibalik ang trust ko sa kanya. I know I also have my shares why that thing happened, kaya I also limit myself sa pakikipag usap sa kanya. As of now, I don’t know if what we had will be restored. Pero hopeful ako that God can make all things possible, hopeful ako that when He restores our friendship, it will be better that the one we had.

Sa lahat ng ito, namamangha pa rin ako especially when I heard again the footprints in the sand. Namamangha ako sa faithfulness and grace ni God towards me. Isang taon na that He’s is carrying me. Isang taon na there is only one set of footprints in the sand. Isang taon na at ni minsan wala akong narinig na reklamo or condemnation galing sa Daddy God ko.

Meron pang natitirang isang buwan sa taong ito, maganda or hindi ang dadating, sigurado ako that my God will stay the same. Nothing and no one can take away His love for me. He is my constant Companion, my very best Friend, my Protector, and my Shoulder to cry on. God, thank You, thank You that when You said that I am Your princess, You mean its truest meaning. The year 2010 may have been full of trials, but this year made me love You even more.