Disclaimer: This blog is neither to lift myself up nor to boast my ability, but to display the power of God.
I’ve never been number one. I don’t know how it is to be the first. In our family, I am the youngest. When I graduated from elementary, I was second place. In high school, I ranked third. And from college, I was number four. In school contests, I’ve never experienced to be the top winner. Not that I am bitter with the academic achievements I got, but being number one is not for me. Or that’s what I thought.
When I enrolled in the church’s GLC program, I told myself that I will be serious with it. I promised to God that I will try my best to excel in this course. I said that in my career I give my all, why not do the same with what God has entrusted me to learn? And just like my other promises, I have broken what I said I will do. At the first semester of the course, I was excited and enthusiastic in the class, in making projects and assignments, in reviewing for the exams. But later on I become lazy. I even did a project for the sake of completing it. (And yes, I got a low score for it.)
As we were consolidating the grades of each student at the end of the school year, my hopes of being in the top become less and less as more and more grades are entered especially at that time when I saw the lowest score I got from that project I was talking about from the previous paragraph. In my mind, I was telling God I am sorry that I did not make up to my promise…again.
I was exhausted that week helping out with the consolidation of grades. I even had to take one-day leave from work so that we could complete and submit the report. I am not used to sleep very late but that night I needed to work until 2:00 in the morning! There is no other one that can finish the grades since it is only me who knows the program. And when the most awaited summary has been completed, I was surprised 
with what I saw. My hands were trembling and my heart was beating fast, I couldn’t believe with what I am looking at. I got excited and at the same time I was also nervous thinking that maybe I did some mistakes in entering the scores. My name was on top of the list, meaning I got the highest average among the students! I stopped for a while and when I got my senses back I told God, “Ok Lord that is enough. It has lifted my spirit and even though it is late, I will still finish the consolidation of grades. Can You now please show me the correct top 20 names? By the way, thank You for the humor. Me as number one? You gotta be kidding me!” Thinking that I have to go to bed, I closed my computer and went to sleep.
Anticipating corrections and revisions with the grades, I brought my personal laptop to office so that I can work on it during my free time. Our Dean called to tell me that the grades are needed before lunch that day! There were few revisions but my name remained on top! I was hoping for more corrections and that my name won’t be at number one. Until about 3:00 in the afternoon, the final list was released. And yes, I still ranked number one! It t
ook some time before I was able to grasp that fact.
Suddenly, I felt the rushing of tears on my face. I was humbled by the love of God. All throughout the school year, I’ve never been completely faithful. There were times that I did not give my best. There were days that I attend class but my mind is not focused on the lesson. But here I am, given another grace, loved unconditionally and forgiven freely. I really thanked God for lavishing me with His love. Inspite of my unfaithfulness, He remains faithful.
On August 8, 2010, Sunday, we marched and received our certificate of completion. It was a fun and meaningful graduation. It was so good to graduate for the fourth time in my life. But this one is different. Finally, I was number one, God made me number one. My parents, together with my sister, friend and nephews were there to witness my graduation. Tatay and Nanay kissed and congratulated me after I gave the valedictory speech. My nephews even handed a bouquet of yellow flowers. I made a lot of mistakes, I hurt my parents from my recent rebellion, but their love never changes. I know God made them feel proud of me.
Thank You is not enough to say how grateful I am to You, my God. I am humbled. I feel secured. I was reassured that You will be with me to the very end of age. Once again, I have experienced how mighty and powerful You are!
In four weeks time, Christmas season will officially start in the Philippines. I’m not kidding, look at your calendar…
How fast time flies, or does it tick faster than before? It’s almost end of July which means that half of the year had passed without me noticing it. Philippines have her new president. More typhoons have come and gone. Oil prices keep on going up. Business is business as usual. Problems keep piling up.
As I write this blog, there really is nothing in my mind on how this can flow and end. I feel numb inside. Or is just my way of coping up with things that are happening around me? Have I become too preoccupied that I don’t care much on the passing time? Have I shut myself from the realities of this world? Does my life’s purpose take a stop after all? I keep on living each day, I keep on laughing, I keep on hurting, I keep on struggling, I keep on dreaming and I keep on loving. But why is there numbness inside?
Probably the reason why time flies fast is because people become busier than before. They have a lot of to-do’s that 24 hours is not enough to complete them all. Maybe the world keeps each of us working on one thing after the other. Maybe time hasn’t change, but people and circumstances do. Wherever I am in my time right now, I hope I’ll get this over soon. I want “it” back. I want to wake up and be “me” again…or will “this” keep on passing until I get used to it and lived by it?
My boss gave me a book as his “present” from a recent business trip. I have been reading a few pages though and I find myself interested to go. The book is entitled “How the Mighty Fall” authored by Jim Collins.
When it comes to management and leadership, I am more inclined to narrative-literature type of books. But these narrations are quite few since dealing with those topics is mostly by lecture.
While I was having my coffee break this morning, I was able to read a few pages again. It is about the trend towards the downfall of companies which the author termed as going through the “dark side”. I don’t know how the author did it, but I was actually hesitant to go on reading the next chapters for I am afraid of what he would say. Hahaha! I thought I can only have this feeling in novels or movies, just now have I learned that I can somewhat freak out in management books!
I’ve never been into writing lately that even my personal journal is not updated. But the memories I am keeping inside me are overflowing that inspite of the very hectic sched that I have, I need to pour them out and write them in.
May 22 – Luge ride with Honey, Sugar, Chacoolita and Lakwatsero at Sentosa, Singapore. It was my first time to try the luge, had so much fun! Bitin lang. Haha!
May 23 – Universal Studios, Singapore. Picture takings, wacky ones. Hated and loved the ride at The Mummy. Super enjoy at the Lost World (one of the stars was cute, hehe). Photo shoot with Puss. (hihi)
May 24 – laughing out loud at the MRT with the “gang”. Stories about the glittering stones of “Darna” and touching-the-ceiling-demo of Honey.
Midnight snacks and chats with Honey and Sugar.
Accountability sessions with Sugar and Chacoolita at the bus and Sentosa.
Quiet time and devotion with Honey and Sugar at Botanic garden. Rivers of tears.
May 30 – during the Sunday worship, God broke my heart and started remodeling it again about my ”pride”. Things are falling out from work, God reminded me to accept it and face the challenges again.
May 31 – Just when I’m missing someone, we were able to chat a little. Eased my loneliness.
June 5 – so tired from my business trip and was not feeling well. Inside the shuttle going to my hotel at about 10:30pm, I peeked from the window and saw a blissful of STARS in the sky. Made me smile.
June 6 – got my most needed rest, slept from 11:30pm to 9:00am! The hotel I stayed was far far from what I expected it to be, but it didn’t matter. I was recharged.
Afternoon delight - had Ferrero Rocher chocolates and Haagen-Dazs ice cream for dessert! Laughed at and enjoyed the film. Relaxed while listening to the music of Michael Jackson.
June 8 – laughed our hearts out, with Phen and Cathy. Mini-chats and simple yet refreshing moments.
Now that I’ve listed them down, I can go back to my work mode again. Feels good to blog after some time.
I came from a long weekend. It was indeed very long because I got bored on the three-day rest. It’s so humid and hot and sticky lately. Not to mention that I was bed-ridden for most of that “rest”. Never been that sick for a longer time.
And today I am not really excited to go to office as I know a lot of to do’s are waiting for me. And I have no choice but to face them all. Or else, they will just pile up!
Oh it’s market day today in our town! It means TRAFFIC. Alright, the AC of Wyt is cool though so I better relax while I listen to the soft music played on the radio. People and motorbikes are everywhere. They just popped here and there. Relax. It is still a beautiful day.
Nearing that part of my driving where a sort of junction is, I pressed my horn to warn the white SUV from directly going through the traffic as it emerged from a side street. That was not so close. Then from my rearview mirror I can see that this white Montero has other SUV’s behind which look like a convoy for election candidates (there were no banners but the hazard lights are all on). As I noticed that they were in a hurry, I slowed down to give way. My patience turned to irritation. The convoy was actually cutting off the vehicles not just on their path but also with the other direction! Even on the bridge, where overtaking is prohibited, this convoy did not mind it at all. What made me angry though was when the white SUV went through the other lane (still on the bridge!) to almost colliding a big truck driving up the bridge! And the whole convoy followed! There were not just a few vehicles now, there was a number! Grrrr!!! Why do these drivers have to agitate the other motorists? What’s the hurry for?
As I look the convoy in front of me, there were negative thoughts playing on my mind. Do they own the road? Do they even pay their taxes lawfully? If they were indeed election candidates, what more can they do if they are in the position? I hope there were no accidents caused by those stupid motorists! Are the SUVs bought from their own pockets? I was really in such a bad mood that morning. Thankfully I was able to cut off the thought as I safely reached the office.
My day ended well though. Inspite of the load at work, I was still able to have my most needed peace and rest.
with what I saw. My hands were trembling and my heart was beating fast, I couldn’t believe with what I am looking at. I got excited and at the same time I was also nervous thinking that maybe I did some mistakes in entering the scores. My name was on top of the list, meaning I got the highest average among the students! I stopped for a while and when I got my senses back I told God, “Ok Lord that is enough. It has lifted my spirit and even though it is late, I will still finish the consolidation of grades. Can You now please show me the correct top 20 names? By the way, thank You for the humor. Me as number one? You gotta be kidding me!” Thinking that I have to go to bed, I closed my computer and went to sleep.
ook some time before I was able to grasp that fact.