Just when I thought it was over…

A special day happened last April 10, it was my birthday. Family and friends remembered to greet and sent their special wishes and prayers for me. I wrote all the messages in my journal, first time to do that by the way. I just thought that it is nice to look back at that day in the future. Something I was not able to record, Clarisse’s messages since the first day of April until the 10th. Clarisse don’t worry, the sweet memories are recorded forever in my heart.

I really did not feel the day was so spectacular. Well for one, an extraordinary happened. Two of my colleagues whom I don’t have that deep relationship with greeted me – the first time they did it for the past many years we’ve been together in the company. It was memorable because one of those colleagues, I never spoke with for years. It was sort of a cold war between us. But that was just history now which we never talked about. One day, we just spoke to each other and accepted and adjusted and did what must be done a long time ago. I guess it’s about maturity. And I never expected that that day will come in such a way, I prayed about it for years. And I’m just thankful that God made His way for it to happen.

I understand if some people forgot to greet me. I never expected for gifts or any thing special. I did enjoy my day. I spent the morning with my Tatay (he accompanied me to LTO) and the afternoon was spent at home, with my family – the people I chose to share my special day with.

The next couple of days, there were still birthday messages coming in. I began to realize that God extended my birthday to few more days. Hahaha…

And there are people who were not contented to just greet me. It was really a surprise. It happened last April 13, three days after my birthday. Cha, Clarisse, Jenna and Mae prepared something special. This I was really touched. Even now when I think about it, there is something I feel in my heart that I cannot explain. I do not deserve to receive such gifts. These four ladies worked hard and gave me what they know will make me happy. It was so thoughtful of them. But more than the tangible gifts, I am most grateful for how they are living their lives. These women are trying their best to be like Jesus. When I look at them, I see God’s mighty hand in action. At their young age, they have decided to use their time and energy for things with eternal value. They strive to have a deeper relationship with their Lord and Savior.

Cha, Clarisse, Jenna and Mae: Thank you for the gift of friendship. Thank you for the trust. Thank you for your heavenly commitment. Thank you for being an inspiration and encouragement to me. Thank you for making this year’s April 10 a special one. Thank you for being beautiful in the sight of God. Let us all faithfully finish the race…

And just when I thought my birthday was over, God is making each day a special day for me. Love You, Dad!

Senti...

Di ito masyadong madrama, sana. Naisipan ko lang magsulat tungkol sa mga simpleng bagay na di akalaing nakakapagpa-senti...

Senti ... short for sentiments... or sa pang araw-araw na Tagalog, term sa mga feeling mag-emote.

Ang aming tinitirhan ngayon ay namana pa namin sa Ama ng aking Tatay. Di ko na alam kung gaano na ito katagal pero as far as I know, more than 75 years na itong nakatayo dahil almost 76 years old na si Tatay and bago pa sya ipinanganak ng kanyang Ina, nakatayo na ang bahay na ito. Mahigit sa sampung taon na rin ang nakakalilipas nang maipaayos, or ma-renovate, ang bahay na ito. Ngunit kahit sa haba na nang nagdaang mga taon, nami-miss ko pa rin yung lumang hitsura ng aming bahay. Maliwanag pa rin sa aking isipan ang bawat sulok (at alikabok, isama pa ang mga lumang gamit at kalat) nito. Paminsan-minsan ay naiisip ko pa rin ang mga masasaya (at malulungkot) na alaala sa aming lumang bahay. . . ang paglalaro ng taguan, ang panonood ng tv (take note, black and white), ang pagsasarado ng kahoy na bintana kapag malakas ang ulan na nilalagyan ng panangkal na bato sa gilid, ang pagpanhik-panaog sa kahoy na hagdanan, ang pag-igib ng tubig mula sa kusina papuntang banyo (nasa 1st floor ang deep well, nasa 2nd floor naman ang toilet) pero madalas ang mga kapatid kong lalaki ang nag-iigib dahil sadya akong mahina sa mga pisikal na gawain. Nakaka-miss...Naisip ko nga, kaya pala yung ibang tao kahit itaya pa nila ang buhay nila ay hindi aalis sa bahay ng kanilang nakalakhan. Yan ang nagagawa ng sentimental value.

Elementary at college. Para sa akin ito ang pinaka masayang panahon ng pag-aaral sa school. Contrary to popular belief, least like ko ang high school. (Kung meron man sa mga kaklase ko sa high school na makabasa nito, no offense meant classmates.) Sa elementarya kasi ay puro laro lang ang naaalala ko. Pagdating ng uwian ay naglalakad kami sabay-sabay ng aking mga kaklase at kaibigan. Kahit nga recess lang or lunch break, nakakapaglaro pa rin kami. Pag maramihan ang kalaro, moro-moro ang drama. Pag puro girls naman, sa loob lang ng room. Bahay-bahayan o kaya'y paper doll making o kaya'y pagalingan sa pag-drawing. Naalala ko pa nun, ang award sa pinakamagaling mag-drawing ay isang piraso ng maliit, pero cute, na stationery na hindi ko alam kung nasulatan ko man lang ba yun o tinapon nang Nanay ko sa katagalan sa taguan. Naglalaro din kami ng pikyaw or sha-tong. Isa sa mga paborito ko ay ang football. Pero syempre, pinaka-ayaw ko yung nasasalo ng taya ang bola once na sinipa ko ito... Sa college naman, napaka-independent ng buhay. Walang adviser, walang set of officers sa classroom. Bahala ka gumawa ng schedule mo basta dapat makuha mo ang lahat ng subjects for that semester. Kahit di ka mag-notes basta may classmate kang masipag magsulat (at dapat kaibiganin mo sya), ok na kasi pwede mo ipa-xerox ang notebook nya. Nakaka-miss ang pagtambay sa stairs ng North building o kaya sa oval seat sa tabi ng xerox machine sa first floor. Nakaka-miss ang paggawa ng reports using engineering lettering- the more pages the better, irregardless of the contents. Sakit lang sa kamay at magastos sa ink. Pero syempre ang pinaka nakaka-miss ay yung mga naging kaibigan, guro, at crushes. Mapalad ako sapagka't sa college madami akong naging tunay na kaibigan na kahit pa mahigit isang dekada na ang nakalilipas ay nagkikita-kita pa rin kami. At syempre sa bawat get-together, hindi maaaring di mapag-usapan ang tungkol sa school.

Isa pang nakaka-miss ay ang ka-simplehan ng buhay nung ako'y batang paslit pa. Wala pang cellphone nun, walang internet, walang PSP, walang MP3, walang masyadong sasakyan sa barrio namin, walang mga high-tech na laruan. Pero masaya kami, lalo na sa umaga at sa hapon kasi maglalaro kami ng aking mga kapatid at kaibigan. Bago pa nauso ang paintball, nakikipaglaro na ako ng barilan kahit ang baril ay pinutol lang na sanga ng ipil o kaya'y sanga ng bayabas basta korteng baril. Masaya rin magtaguan, at masarap umakyat ng puno at doon magtago. Taguang pong, taguang tsinelas, langit lupa, bahay-bahayan, lutu-lutuan, tinda-tindahanan, patintero, yagit na drama, manika-manikaan, at habulan. Yan ay ilan lamang sa mga nilaro at inenjoy ko noon. Masaya ring sumama sa Nanay sa araw ng palengke kasi madaming pwede ipabili at tulad ng karamihan ay madalas din akong umiyak sa gitna ng maraming tao dahil ayaw ako ibili ng Nanay ko ng isang bagay na nagustuhan ko dahil mahal ang presyo. At higit sa lahat, tahimik at payapa ang buhay noon. Sa konting pagkain at sapat na pera, basta buo ang pamilya, masaya. Minsan nga kahit kapos, basta mabait ang kapitbahay, tuloy ang buhay.

Simpleng bagay, simpleng alaala. Pero nakaka-miss talaga . . .

Silence

As we are about to end our short trip in Bohol, I decided to have my quiet time in front of the white-sand beach. At six o'clock in the morning, the sun is slowly dispersing its light on all the corners of the earth, the crescent moon quietly watching the children, parents and adults playing in the waters, and the air carrying the soft sound of combined music from the lushes water and the song from radio. My eyes were so fascinated with the scene that as I talk to God I can't take my stare off the happy and playful people, the quiet blue water, the soft-white sand on the shore, and the birds flying carelessly in the sky. Some people were walking along the seashore while telling stories to each other, some doing their stretching and some, like me, seated quietly on the dry part of the shore.

God knew what my heart was at that time. I kept on thinking about that couple's retreat, about my brothers and sisters deciding to attend to something else that Sunday rather than completing the seminar, about my parents who were left at home to take care of the kids, about my classmate whom I haven't shared the gospel with, about my siblings who do not have a personal relationship yet with Jesus, about my love life, about my dgroup, about so many things. Then I started praising God for all the beautiful things He laid before me on that quiet place. And as I count them, the music of Celine Dion's Because You Loved Me filled the air as if it was my voice thanking my heavenly Dad of all the things He gave me. For all those stands You stood for me . . . For all the truths that You made see . . . For all all the joy You brought to my life . . . For all the wrongs that You made right. . . You're the One who held me up and never let me fall . . . Because You loved me . . .

He brought me to John 2:1, there was a wedding! A grand celebration of two hearts uniting to each other. Again, I remembered my siblings and I asked God that may they have a reunion with Him that day. I was so engrossed with how they will experience God. And as I was thinking about them, God's voice suddenly filled the air . . ." I love you more than you'll ever know, I love you more than you'll ever see. More than My heart could ever show, I love you more than you'll ever know. . . " Tears started to fall on my cheeks. I don't care if people around me noticed it, but it was so moving when I heard those lines. "Take my hand, we'll walk a while, we'll talk a while . . ." As I think of that wedding for my married siblings, Jesus was leading me to my relationship with Him. As I pour out my thoughts and my heart in praying for them, my Daddy held my heart and walked with me. That is what matters most to Him . . . my faith, that He knows exactly what He will do with family, that His plan for my friends are for their good, that He is faithful to His promises for the dgroup, that He will send the best man for me, that if only I trust Him fully all things will fall into places. To ease my troubled heart, my heavenly Dad assured me that He loves me more than I'll ever know, more than I'll ever see. As someone will see me at that moment, he may think that I was very silent . . . but that silence is louder more than the sound of everything else around me.

Take My hand. We'll walk awhile, we'll talk awhile.

Feel My love, always there beside you.

Be the one, I know you'll tell Me everything

You are the one I cherish more than anything

I love you more than you'll ever know

I love you more than you'll ever see

More than My heart could ever show

I love you more than you'll ever know

Think of Me. And know that I'll believe in you.

There'll always be

This precious time together

With every tear

A love so strong, no words could ever say

A love to last forever

I love you more than you'll ever know

I love you more than you'll ever see

More than My heart could ever show

I love you more than you'll ever know

Take My hand. We'll walk awhile, we'll talk awhile.

Feel My love always there beside you

Be the one, I know you'll tell me everything

You are the one I cherish more than anything

I love you more than you'll ever know

I love you more than you'll ever see

More than My heart could ever show

I love you more than you'll ever know

More Than Just Stars

Early morning of Saturday . . . February 2, 2008 . . . while it was still dark, I together with my friend Minette, were driving on the road to attend a seminar entitled, Just Give Me Jesus. It was half our way when I noticed two bright beautiful stars staring at us as if trying to get our attention from the rest of the world. They are noticeably different from among the stars in the sky that day. Beside them was a crescent moon with a little star resting on top of it . . . It was such a beautiful sight . . . driving silently, enjoying the sky (I was driving so I just peeked once in a while), savoring the peace on the road, comforted by the warmth of my car (the AC was off, it was cold that day), excited for that seminar, chatting with Minette while listening to soft music.

Anne Graham Lotz delivered God's message incredibly good. She caught my attention when she presented the gospel in a new way (at least for me). I was reminded of how much Jesus loved me that eventhough He has the power to let go that brutal suffering, to just skip that scourging at the pillar, to silent those Pharisees and Sanhedrins, to strike King Herod at that moment when he questioned Him, to just let go of His breath and not feel the pain of those huge, big nails, to ask His heavenly Father to save Him . . . He intentionally and voluntarily went thru all of those pains, hurts, tears so that I can be saved and I can be righteous in the eyes of God. The music of Fernando Ortega, composer and singer of Just Give me Jesus song, filled the coliseum while the people (mostly women) sing along with the sound of his piano. I was overwhelmed at that day while we sing praises to God. I can see "hope" everywhere I put my eyes on. I see "rainbows" filled that arena. Rainbows (sign of hope) because I can only see the colors of shirts but cannot see the faces of the people. It's as if I was inside that "rainbow".

Before finally going home, two of my friends joined me for coffee. Our conversation was so intimate. I feel so close to these ladies as we share what's in our hearts, that we can be so open and true with each other, never mind being naked or vulnerable, and having no fear of being judged.

I almost forgot about those stars we saw that morning until I got a message later that night from Minette saying that those were not just stars. One is named Venus (the brighter star) and other is Jupiter!

I searched the net about this amazing sight and I'd like to quote Francis Redy's statement on these two stars that they "resemble a pair of celestial headlights - an appropriate comparison for an event that graces the morning commute."

I knew, God gave me Jesus from the start 'till the end of that day. . . more than just stars.

Photo was taken from antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod

Unforgettables

Ultimate crush: Codename - B.S. I was in grade one, he was in grade 4. He was my bro's classmate, very neat and goodlooking (how does a 6-year old know what goodlooking means??). He was my ultimate crush until grade 3. But when I was in grade 4, I haven't seen him much. He transferred to another school for secondary level. :(
Update: he is still single! c",)

Favorite game: Taguan (hide and seek). When nothing to do at home, my siblings and I play taguan. Since I am the youngest and the smallest, I can hide anywhere. Miss playing with my ate's and kuya's.

The secret of Santa was revealed: It was early morning of Christmas 1986 when I heard my Ate telling my Nanay to put that red wallet in my stocking hung in our Christmas tree. I saw that wallet a few days ago in my Ate's bag but never thought it would be "Santa's" gift for me. I was devastated when the "secret" was revealed.

Winning a contest in Journalism: I was in the category of Copyreading and Headline Writing - English. Our team was qualified up to the national level. The event would take place in Naga City but our "beloved" school did not allow us to join. We were only two (both women) from our group who qualified to the national competition. I can't remember the exact reason why the school didn't allow us, but what remains in my mind is that our first chance to visit Bicol was cancelled.

1990 Earthquake: We were having our Filipino subject at the second floor of old high school building when the earthquake happened. I was seated in between a Christian and a Jehovah's witness classmates. The unforgettable about it was when the three of us held hands and prayed together. And the earthquake stopped, nobody was hurt in that room and even from our immediate families at home. The power of prayer.

Being sure of my salvation: 1990 in our chapel, Friday night. I was so sure I will go to heaven after believing and receiving Jesus in my heart.

Fire, almost!: College days, during one of our Physical Chemistry lab experiments. We were tasked to close a glass tubing by heating the other end. One of my classmates (bes, remember?) threw her heated glass to the sink. Without us knowing, the sink contains organic solvents! Oxygen, flammable material and heat are all present. What can you expect? Fire!!! Thank God, it was only small and was easily contained. I met our teacher (Mr. Aguilar), after about 5 years, in a convention and said he won't forget that time when we almost fired up his class. Hahaha

First tears of joy: Fourth year high school, when I won in the district level of Journalism contest. When my teacher (forgot her name though, but can still remember her face) told us that I was 3rd (not first) in our category, my tears just flowed down from my eyes. I was so embarrassed when people looked at me. But it was so good to cry out of joy.

This blog will definitely have more parts . . .