Fireworks!!!

For the past few days, I was expectant and excited for my birthday. Having blues and senti moments too. I think that’s normal, most of the people I know feel the same on their birthdays.

We had a two-day leadership retreat at San Felipe, Zambales last April 9 -10, 2009. At first I was not excited, I even told one of my friends about it. I get disappointed and somewhat frustrated when I hear the others planning for bonding and teambuilding activities. There’s nothing wrong with that, aren’t we supposed to do that? But I was hoping to hear plans on how the leaders will be more passionate and committed and on fire for the service. I was hoping that it will be a more moving encounter than regular retreats since it is a leadership activity. Being "candid" as I am, I talked to the leader of the singles about it. As usual, we had a heated discussion but as always, we both agreed to disagree.

Plans, schedules and topics have been laid down. All was set. On the way to the venue, I get a little excited. Days before, I cried out to God because I was overwhelmed with what’s going to happen. There are times that I would ask God what can I do for Him. But birthdays are different, it’s my day, my special day. I guess it’s ok to ask God for a surprise and be selfish for one day. Haha! During the activity planning, it was decided that all the leaders will share the gospel on the 2nd day, my special day. I was overwhelmed. I was astonished. I was amazed. All the while I think of myself and my birthday. But God has other plans. April 10, 2009 is a good Friday – a time when most of the people are commemorating the death of Jesus. I was in awe when I realized that God has given me the greatest gift, that is to share His love, His salvation, His Son to others. This is His ultimate gift to me – to use me in sharing the good news.

The sharing was extremely amazing. All of us has our own stories to tell. We were in pairs in spreading the good news in San Felipe. There were funny tales, frustrating stories, exciting and hyper talks, heartfelt lines, touching words – but above all, each one of us experienced the joy of sharing Jesus. Almost half of the group had their first time to tell the gospel to others, to people we hardly know.

My partner is not a first-timer. Nevertheless, we rehearsed and planned on how we will be delivering the gospel. There were three people God sent us to share the gospel with, first with a man and another batch with two married women. I was blessed with my partner as he started the conversation in a relaxed mood. Later on I found myself doing most of the talking (what’s new? Haha!). And he just let me do the job. At the end, he added points and challenges to the people we shared the good news with. These three souls were not new to the gospel, but God humbled their hearts to pray and recommit their lives and accepted Jesus in their hearts.

I should be overjoyed with the result of the retreat… But deep in my heart there was not enough joy, I felt something is still missing, lacking. I was at times by myself, quiet, silent, not the usual happy lady. One of my closest friend noticed it and she admitted that at one instance she got disappointed with me, with my actions, with my words, with how I relate to her, to others. Last Saturday, God reviewed to me the lesson on how to be satisfied with Him. I do my responsibility as a Christian – having my quiet time, reading the bible, attending worship services – you name it, I am doing it. But I still feel discontented, unsatisfied. Why? I asked God what’s wrong with me. As I studied the day 3 lesson from week two of Breaking Free, God answered my question. He created me to have discontentment and dissatisfaction in all areas of my life, including my spiritual walk. Why? So that I will seek Him and know Him more and more, that I will thirst and hunger for more of Him, that I will not be satisfied and contented with only a few things about Him. Yes, I am doing my responsibility but is my heart yearning, longint to have more of Jesus? That hit me to the core. I stopped growing in love with my Savior.

When I reached home that Friday, my mother cooked pancit for me. I was thankful for my family that we celebrated my special day eventhough I spent only a little time with them that day. After less than one hour, I saw familiar faces in our home. I was with these singlemen and women for two days… I knew it! My friends planned something for me. They blindfolded me while they prepare their surprise. At one time, I even annoyed them because I was the type who doesn’t get surprised easily. I spoiled their plan a bit. (Sorry guys, I was expectant you know? Hehehe). When they took off the blindfold, there were… FIREWORKS!!! It was so beautiful. As the fireworks painted the sky with colors, lights and sounds, my friends started to sing the most joyful happy birthday song… Perfect! Everytime I see fireworks, it reminds me of God. The happy, colorful lights are smiles and nods and assurances from my Father. I “seized the moment” and enjoyed watching the fireworks and listening to the song. My head up high, thinking about God, savoring that special time. My dgroup even made a card with sort-of caricature of me. Thank you sis for the surprise, you really got me there. I love you all. (Naku, mausok yata dito. Hehehe)

I know it was my Daddy God who planned for everything. The loud rejoicing in heaven and the fireworks on earth… amazing! I asked forgiveness from my Father, for feeling empty, unsatisfied, selfish, for not being a good example at times. I accepted His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness. It’s so nice to be back again, to be happy, to seek more of God, to love my Father evenmore, to be joyful as the fireworks...