PUSH

This was a game forwarded to me by my bestfriend, we had so much fun when we did this together for the first time. And yes, this is my second try but this time using my own playlist. The results were as hilarious as the first. The first try was posted on my Facebook account.

Here are the game rules.
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. Write the song (title) NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag as many people that you want to do this activity with (or at least those who would hopefully find this fun).

Below are my answers. Enjoy!

1. If someone says, "Are you okay?", you say...? Need you now (Lady Antebellum)
Hmmm, well that’s according to my playlist. Hehe

2. How would you describe yourself? Slide Away (Oasis)
Am I sliding away? Probably.

3. What do you like in a guy/girl? – Para Sayo (Parokya ni Edgar)
Sobrang mapagbigay naman. LOL!

4. How do you feel today? – Save Me (Remy Zero)
Oh yeah, please!

5. What is your life's purpose? – Soldier’s Daughter (Tonic)
Prequel to A Warrior is a Child blog.

6. What is your motto? – Feels so Good (Nyoy Volante)
If life could be good all the time.

7. What do your friends think of you? – Blind (Lifehouse)
If I am blind, how come they are my friends? LOL!

8. What do your parents think of you? – As Long As It Matters (Gin Blossoms)
Hmmm…so understanding.

9. What do you think about most often? – Big Machine (Goo Goo Dolls)
Do I?

10. What is 2 + 2? – Love Song for No One (John Mayer)
…so tired of being alone

11. What do you think of your best friend? – Songbird (Oasis)
This is much better than the song I got on my first try.

12. What is your life story? –Shes’ A Rebel (Greenday)
C’mon!

13. What do you want to be when you grow up? – Something To Be (Rob Thomas)
Isn’t it to be someone and not something?

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like? – Geek Stink Breath (Green Day)
Geek!

15. What will you dance to at your wedding? – Live Forever (Oasis)
Couldn’t it be so tiring? LOL!

16. What will they play at your funeral? – Creep (Radiohead)
Hahaha!

17. What is your hobby/interest? – Baby By (Justin Bieber ft. Ludacris)
Can’t believe I have this song! LOL!

18. What is your biggest fear? – Half the World Away (Oasis)
I don’t want to be so far from my loved ones.

19. What is your biggest secret? – Liberian Girl (Michael Jackson)
Even I didn’t know this secret. Haha!

20. What do you want right now? – You Wanted More (Tonic)
No satisfaction. Hehe.

21. What do you think of your friends? – Long Day (Matchbox Twenty)
I need to spend a long day for my long list of good friends!

22. What will your child's first words be? – Everything is Not Broken (John Mayer)
My baby is so optimistic!

23. What do you say when you look in the mirror? – Will You Be There (Michael Jackson)
I find this one creepy. What if I don’t see my reflection in the mirror???

24. What did you say in your sleep last night? – You Are What You Are, Beautiful (Christina Aguilera)
Yeah, yeah. LOL!

25. What will you post this as? – Push (Matchbox Twenty)
It’s not Complicated anymore. LOL!

Playful

I sent this message to a close friend: "love you"
The reply I got: "I love it"
Well, I don't know if it means the person loves my message or loves me. But the pronoun used was 'it".

Then another friend sent me this message: "love you"
I wanted to reply back: "I love you too"
But what I sent was: "goodnight"

A Year-end Story?

Isang buwan na lang and another year is over. Ang bilis talaga ng panahon, sabi nga nila. Totoo nga kayang bumibilis ang takbo ng orasan? Minsan napapaisip ako kung nababago ba ang speed ng pag-ikot ng mundo? Ngunit ang lahat naman ay ginawa ng Diyos na sakto lang, walang labis at walang kulang.

Noong nakaraang taon, may matinding pagsubok ang dumaan sa buhay ko. For the first time, I cried so hard because of heartache. Yung iyak na napapanood ko lang sa mga movies, na tingin ko pa nga ang OA (over acting). Pero totoo palang pag sobrang sakit, mapapaiyak ka na lang nang labis. Akala ko matindi na yun, pero mas matindi ang mga dumaan ngayong taon.

Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon I was hurt by someone I considered one of my very best friends. Di ko alam nasasaktan pala sya sa mga ginagawa ko na ang akala ko naman ay okay lang sa kanya. Nung nalaman ko yun, nasaktan ako dahil may tinatago na pala syang hinanakit sa akin. Ngunit ang pinakamasakit ay ang pag-isipan nya ako ng di magagandang bagay. Nag-usap kami at sinabi nya sa akin lahat ng naramdaman at inisip nya. Sobrang sakit na marinig yun, halos hindi na makakita ang mga mata ko sa sobrang iyak. Hindi ko akalaing mapapag-isipan nya ako ng ganun. Ilang araw ko ring dinamdam yun. Ngunit nangibabaw ang pagmamahal namin sa isa’t isa. Sa ngayon, okay na kami. Sabi nya kalimutan na namin yun at humingi rin sya ng sorry sa akin.

Ngayong taong ding ito, my family went through a very difficult trial. Something unexpected happened to one of our dear loved ones. Yung kasabihang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa, parang ganun ang naramdaman namin. At for the very first time, each of us cried, men and women in the family. And at that moment, my respect towards my father was even intensified. I know he was also hurting but since he is the leader of the family, he needed to encourage and strengthen us. He showed us the positive side of the situation. He reminded us of the love of God. I cried in gratefulness to the Lord for blessing me with a father like my Tatay.

At the last quarter of this year, I also experienced a slight depression (or maybe because of the previous trials that I went through) when one of the most precious friendships I have was tainted. Ang hirap din nung time na yun. On those moments that I needed a friend, di nya ako sinamahan. Inisip ko pa nga na siguro meron din syang pinagdadaanan kaya umiiwas sya sakin. I tried to reach out sa kanya, pero ang layo nya. Sabi nya sa akin lagi lang syang nandyan dahil kaibigan ko sya, ngunit nung mga oras na pinaka-kailangan ko sya, dun naman sya lumayo. Until we talked and I learned bakit sya lumalayo. Wala akong naramdaman nung nag-uusap kami, isang linggo yata ang lumipas bago nag sink in sa akin yung sinabi nya. And when I realized everything, I felt I lost another friend. Nag-flash back ang lahat, hirap pigilan ang luha. Nararamdaman ko naman na nagri-reach out sya, kaya lang di pa siguro ako handa na magtiwala muli. I still need to compose myself and wait for that time na pwede ko na ulit ibalik ang trust ko sa kanya. I know I also have my shares why that thing happened, kaya I also limit myself sa pakikipag usap sa kanya. As of now, I don’t know if what we had will be restored. Pero hopeful ako that God can make all things possible, hopeful ako that when He restores our friendship, it will be better that the one we had.

Sa lahat ng ito, namamangha pa rin ako especially when I heard again the footprints in the sand. Namamangha ako sa faithfulness and grace ni God towards me. Isang taon na that He’s is carrying me. Isang taon na there is only one set of footprints in the sand. Isang taon na at ni minsan wala akong narinig na reklamo or condemnation galing sa Daddy God ko.

Meron pang natitirang isang buwan sa taong ito, maganda or hindi ang dadating, sigurado ako that my God will stay the same. Nothing and no one can take away His love for me. He is my constant Companion, my very best Friend, my Protector, and my Shoulder to cry on. God, thank You, thank You that when You said that I am Your princess, You mean its truest meaning. The year 2010 may have been full of trials, but this year made me love You even more.

Long Weekend

Today we are celebrating All Saints’ Day, and since it is also a Monday this gave way for us to have a three-straight day off. To a person who’s trying to keep herself busy (I think I am referring to myself, hehehe), doing nothing and just letting the time pass is such a boring thing.

I am too lazy to go out and drive. I’m not in the mood to read. I can’t even find a nice TV program to watch. I’m not in my element to talk to people, chat with them or text them. So what am I going to do?

I babysit my niece Joy-Joy, oh man she’s so likot! She likes to walk but she can’t do that unless you hold her two hands. Imagine chasing her with my spinal cord bent while balancing my walk for she directs the motion. I like it when a baby sleeps while I cuddle her. But not with Joy-Joy, she can’t sleep unless she’s in her crib. I sang all the nursery songs I know, but still she won’t sleep while I’m holding her. One time we played without me needing to “exercise”. What I mean is, she’s playing while she sits on my lap. She’s playing peek-a-boo with her cousin, Ryan. She’ s so cute when she does that thing, covering her eyes with her palms and then smiling as she takes off her hands. This morning while we were watching TV (which was also the time that I was forcing her to sleep through my lullaby songs), she saw this commercial with a kid telling story about his dad. I find it so amusing when Joy-joy said “Papa” when she saw the same vehicle as her dad’s. She can understand the commercial! Joy-joy is just one year old. The simplicity of her mind and the naivety of her understanding made me smile.

I can’t babysit for one hour, so I have many idle times. Good thing a friend lent a DVD of The Book of Eli movie. I’ve watched it and since the copy is pirated, I still watched it in black and white! Haha, talking about boredom. The plot was simple yet the lesson was profound. Admittedly, I didn’t even know that there was a movie such as that.

And since the movie is just less than a two-hour show, I was back to nothing. And then I opened my laptop, and guess what? I did some work! Whew! Well, that “some” word was exaggerated, hehe. I just opened my business mails and replied to some. I’m just careful not to do a lot for as to still keep some for tomorrow’s work. Haha!

Finally, to keep the time running, I decided to create a blog. And that’s it. Now I will look for some things to do and hopefully have some productivity out of my long vacation.

Complete

My week is a roller coaster. I didn't scream but my grip was so tight because if not, I will fall. I was there moving, living, existing but really don't know where am I going.

This morning at church, I heard this song. Every word is what exactly in my heart. One day Lord, I will see You face to face and I will just worship You, no more tears, no more pains, no more hurts.


COMPLETE
(by Parachute Band)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNYc5El60PI

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I offer up my life

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

Chorus:
So I lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now
Let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears
And I will be complete in You

Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart
I offer up my life

I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

Chorus:
So I lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now
Let Your love fall down on me
I know Your love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see
Beyond my Calvary one day
And I will be complete in You

Ending:
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You

A Joy to my Heart

I’m fond of kids. Actually, my whole family likes kids, especially infants. And the youngest we have at home just turned one year old. She’s the daughter of my oldest brother and her name is Joy Andrea.

Who loves waiting? I don’t. I can list a bunch of reasons why and that would be another topic. But I’ve learned that waiting can be exciting depending on what you’re waiting for. Well for one, I am excited as I wait for Joy to have her first steps and her first real words. Everyone at home goes crazy when she says, “abeeda-abeeda!” Wish we know what she means by those words. She says it when she’s playing, when she’s watching tv, when she’s talking with someone, she’s saying it in almost all time she’ll open her mouth.

I find it funny and interesting that grownups actually adjust their understanding to comprehend the language of babies (which of course won’t be the other way around – babies understanding adults?? Haha!) So as part of the “adult” group, I just know that when Joy says “ba-ba”, she means “bye bye”; “ma-mam” means water; “pa-pa” means food; “ito, ito!” (in a very fast talk) means “this”. And they also use body language…a lot of it! When Joy wants to get out, she’ll just twist her body as far as she can until the one holding her can do nothing but to bring her out. When she doesn’t want a particular person to cuddle her, she’ll grab someone she likes as hard and as tight as she can. And when she’s bored and no toy to play with, she’ll pinch your nose and look at you in the eye. When she does that to me, I sometimes ask myself if I look like a human toy to her. Hahaha.

I love calling her “Ava-jong-jong” or “Ava-ju-jee”... so adults have their own language too…LOL!

What Would You Rather Have?

Loving someone who loves you back… but thousands of miles are keeping you apart.

Or

Loving someone within your reach… but doesn’t love you the way you want him to.

As for me, I’d rather risk to love than not to love at all.

Tearless Cry

Why do I feel this bad whenever you shut me off? I attempted in so many times to open up but on each try, you responded differently. I think I can’t blame me if I’m distancing myself from you. I feel like you don’t want to enter my world anymore. It pains me…really. You’re so different now. And I miss the old you. I need you now more than ever. But I can’t feel your presence; all I see is the wall that was invisibly built between us. I want to believe that the friendship will still be saved but on each passing time, I can feel that the hope becomes dimmer and dimmer. I want to be far from you – to protect myself from the pain of losing you. I have so much hurt in my heart that bearing the thought of you slowly going out of my life is too hard. My heart is crushing inside, it’s too painful.

Life's Lessons

I’ve learned that the people closest to you are ones capable of hurting you the most. Yet they are also the ones that you can still love and forgive no matter what they did to you.

I’ve learned that no matter how great or how small he/she did something to you for as long as you are keeping some hurt from him/her, you will always get irked with his/her petty/unconscious moves towards you. Even without planning about it, you are always watching if he/she will commit a mistake or not.

I’ve learned that all people, even your family or bestest friends, can disappoint you. Because, just like you, they too are imperfect.

I’ve learned that no secret can be kept forever. One day, you’ll tell someone about it. Only then will you feel that it was a still a relief afterall. It may take time, even years, but a time will come for the secrets to be revealed.

I’ve learned that “going back” is easier than “moving on”. Even though the latter is harder, you still choose what is right, that is to continue moving forward.

I’ve learned that each person needs some time to be by himself, alone. It gives healing even if he doesn’t do anything, just by being alone is enough.

I’ve learned that whatever we prayed for, the right time will come that God will answer it. Even if we have forgotten about it, when God answers it, we will remember that we have prayed for it (whether God’s answer is a Yes or a No).

I’ve learned that if you really want to do something, nothing can get in the way to keep you from doing it.

I’ve learned that people commit mistakes and God, by His grace, creates another day so that people can start anew.

A Moment Like This

Just when I’m having a celebration in my mind as we are nearing the end of my business trip, my health finally gave in. I wasn’t able to complete my last objective for today. I am too weak to go on. Or was it just a state of mind? I tried to continue but more often than not, I found myself checking the clock and wishing that it’s over. I feel ashamed of my condition that my colleagues are worrying about me. I really hate this state when my sickness is blowing out slowly. This sore throat makes me feel very uncomfortable… I wish I am home.

Ironically, I eat a lot here. I get an average 7-hour sleep every night. I don’t skip meals, even those little snacks. But still, I got sick.

It Is More Than Just a NUMBER

Disclaimer: This blog is neither to lift myself up nor to boast my ability, but to display the power of God.

I’ve never been number one. I don’t know how it is to be the first. In our family, I am the youngest. When I graduated from elementary, I was second place. In high school, I ranked third. And from college, I was number four. In school contests, I’ve never experienced to be the top winner. Not that I am bitter with the academic achievements I got, but being number one is not for me. Or that’s what I thought.

When I enrolled in the church’s GLC program, I told myself that I will be serious with it. I promised to God that I will try my best to excel in this course. I said that in my career I give my all, why not do the same with what God has entrusted me to learn? And just like my other promises, I have broken what I said I will do. At the first semester of the course, I was excited and enthusiastic in the class, in making projects and assignments, in reviewing for the exams. But later on I become lazy. I even did a project for the sake of completing it. (And yes, I got a low score for it.)

As we were consolidating the grades of each student at the end of the school year, my hopes of being in the top become less and less as more and more grades are entered especially at that time when I saw the lowest score I got from that project I was talking about from the previous paragraph. In my mind, I was telling God I am sorry that I did not make up to my promise…again.

I was exhausted that week helping out with the consolidation of grades. I even had to take one-day leave from work so that we could complete and submit the report. I am not used to sleep very late but that night I needed to work until 2:00 in the morning! There is no other one that can finish the grades since it is only me who knows the program. And when the most awaited summary has been completed, I was surprised with what I saw. My hands were trembling and my heart was beating fast, I couldn’t believe with what I am looking at. I got excited and at the same time I was also nervous thinking that maybe I did some mistakes in entering the scores. My name was on top of the list, meaning I got the highest average among the students! I stopped for a while and when I got my senses back I told God, “Ok Lord that is enough. It has lifted my spirit and even though it is late, I will still finish the consolidation of grades. Can You now please show me the correct top 20 names? By the way, thank You for the humor. Me as number one? You gotta be kidding me!” Thinking that I have to go to bed, I closed my computer and went to sleep.

Anticipating corrections and revisions with the grades, I brought my personal laptop to office so that I can work on it during my free time. Our Dean called to tell me that the grades are needed before lunch that day! There were few revisions but my name remained on top! I was hoping for more corrections and that my name won’t be at number one. Until about 3:00 in the afternoon, the final list was released. And yes, I still ranked number one! It took some time before I was able to grasp that fact.

Suddenly, I felt the rushing of tears on my face. I was humbled by the love of God. All throughout the school year, I’ve never been completely faithful. There were times that I did not give my best. There were days that I attend class but my mind is not focused on the lesson. But here I am, given another grace, loved unconditionally and forgiven freely. I really thanked God for lavishing me with His love. Inspite of my unfaithfulness, He remains faithful.

On August 8, 2010, Sunday, we marched and received our certificate of completion. It was a fun and meaningful graduation. It was so good to graduate for the fourth time in my life. But this one is different. Finally, I was number one, God made me number one. My parents, together with my sister, friend and nephews were there to witness my graduation. Tatay and Nanay kissed and congratulated me after I gave the valedictory speech. My nephews even handed a bouquet of yellow flowers. I made a lot of mistakes, I hurt my parents from my recent rebellion, but their love never changes. I know God made them feel proud of me.

Thank You is not enough to say how grateful I am to You, my God. I am humbled. I feel secured. I was reassured that You will be with me to the very end of age. Once again, I have experienced how mighty and powerful You are!

NUMB

In four weeks time, Christmas season will officially start in the Philippines. I’m not kidding, look at your calendar…

How fast time flies, or does it tick faster than before? It’s almost end of July which means that half of the year had passed without me noticing it. Philippines have her new president. More typhoons have come and gone. Oil prices keep on going up. Business is business as usual. Problems keep piling up.

As I write this blog, there really is nothing in my mind on how this can flow and end. I feel numb inside. Or is just my way of coping up with things that are happening around me? Have I become too preoccupied that I don’t care much on the passing time? Have I shut myself from the realities of this world? Does my life’s purpose take a stop after all? I keep on living each day, I keep on laughing, I keep on hurting, I keep on struggling, I keep on dreaming and I keep on loving. But why is there numbness inside?

Probably the reason why time flies fast is because people become busier than before. They have a lot of to-do’s that 24 hours is not enough to complete them all. Maybe the world keeps each of us working on one thing after the other. Maybe time hasn’t change, but people and circumstances do. Wherever I am in my time right now, I hope I’ll get this over soon. I want “it” back. I want to wake up and be “me” again…or will “this” keep on passing until I get used to it and lived by it?

Going Through The Scene!

My boss gave me a book as his “present” from a recent business trip. I have been reading a few pages though and I find myself interested to go. The book is entitled “How the Mighty Fall” authored by Jim Collins.

When it comes to management and leadership, I am more inclined to narrative-literature type of books. But these narrations are quite few since dealing with those topics is mostly by lecture.

While I was having my coffee break this morning, I was able to read a few pages again. It is about the trend towards the downfall of companies which the author termed as going through the “dark side”. I don’t know how the author did it, but I was actually hesitant to go on reading the next chapters for I am afraid of what he would say. Hahaha! I thought I can only have this feeling in novels or movies, just now have I learned that I can somewhat freak out in management books!

Tidbits of My Life!

I’ve never been into writing lately that even my personal journal is not updated. But the memories I am keeping inside me are overflowing that inspite of the very hectic sched that I have, I need to pour them out and write them in.

May 22 – Luge ride with Honey, Sugar, Chacoolita and Lakwatsero at Sentosa, Singapore. It was my first time to try the luge, had so much fun! Bitin lang. Haha!

May 23 – Universal Studios, Singapore. Picture takings, wacky ones. Hated and loved the ride at The Mummy. Super enjoy at the Lost World (one of the stars was cute, hehe). Photo shoot with Puss. (hihi)

May 24 – laughing out loud at the MRT with the “gang”. Stories about the glittering stones of “Darna” and touching-the-ceiling-demo of Honey.

Midnight snacks and chats with Honey and Sugar.

Accountability sessions with Sugar and Chacoolita at the bus and Sentosa.

Quiet time and devotion with Honey and Sugar at Botanic garden. Rivers of tears.

May 30 – during the Sunday worship, God broke my heart and started remodeling it again about my ”pride”. Things are falling out from work, God reminded me to accept it and face the challenges again.

May 31 – Just when I’m missing someone, we were able to chat a little. Eased my loneliness.

June 5 – so tired from my business trip and was not feeling well. Inside the shuttle going to my hotel at about 10:30pm, I peeked from the window and saw a blissful of STARS in the sky. Made me smile.

June 6 – got my most needed rest, slept from 11:30pm to 9:00am! The hotel I stayed was far far from what I expected it to be, but it didn’t matter. I was recharged.

Afternoon delight - had Ferrero Rocher chocolates and Haagen-Dazs ice cream for dessert! Laughed at and enjoyed the film. Relaxed while listening to the music of Michael Jackson.

June 8 – laughed our hearts out, with Phen and Cathy. Mini-chats and simple yet refreshing moments.

Now that I’ve listed them down, I can go back to my work mode again. Feels good to blog after some time.

What a Start for the Week!

I came from a long weekend. It was indeed very long because I got bored on the three-day rest. It’s so humid and hot and sticky lately. Not to mention that I was bed-ridden for most of that “rest”. Never been that sick for a longer time.

And today I am not really excited to go to office as I know a lot of to do’s are waiting for me. And I have no choice but to face them all. Or else, they will just pile up!

Oh it’s market day today in our town! It means TRAFFIC. Alright, the AC of Wyt is cool though so I better relax while I listen to the soft music played on the radio. People and motorbikes are everywhere. They just popped here and there. Relax. It is still a beautiful day.

Nearing that part of my driving where a sort of junction is, I pressed my horn to warn the white SUV from directly going through the traffic as it emerged from a side street. That was not so close. Then from my rearview mirror I can see that this white Montero has other SUV’s behind which look like a convoy for election candidates (there were no banners but the hazard lights are all on). As I noticed that they were in a hurry, I slowed down to give way. My patience turned to irritation. The convoy was actually cutting off the vehicles not just on their path but also with the other direction! Even on the bridge, where overtaking is prohibited, this convoy did not mind it at all. What made me angry though was when the white SUV went through the other lane (still on the bridge!) to almost colliding a big truck driving up the bridge! And the whole convoy followed! There were not just a few vehicles now, there was a number! Grrrr!!! Why do these drivers have to agitate the other motorists? What’s the hurry for?

As I look the convoy in front of me, there were negative thoughts playing on my mind. Do they own the road? Do they even pay their taxes lawfully? If they were indeed election candidates, what more can they do if they are in the position? I hope there were no accidents caused by those stupid motorists! Are the SUVs bought from their own pockets? I was really in such a bad mood that morning. Thankfully I was able to cut off the thought as I safely reached the office.

My day ended well though. Inspite of the load at work, I was still able to have my most needed peace and rest.

THRILLED (a.k.a KILIG)

This may be a late post, and yeah I admit that some things are taking time before they sink in to me. Haha!

For this year, I was not that expectant for my birthday. Maybe because I am not excited to celebrate it since lately I am contemplating on another year that will be added to my age. (Hmmm, can that be considered a reason?? Hahaha). Anyway, I really did not expect for any extra special surprises this year.

My plan that day was to treat some very close friends from church for breakfast at our place. And in the afternoon, I will attend the renewing of vows of a couple who's close to my heart. That's my plan.

But God has other plans. Maybe He's thinking that MY plan was too simple for a princess. (grin)

I've been wanting yellow flowers since February. My friend maybe right, I think I'm already an addict! Addict to yellow flowers. Hehe! I love yellow and green, they are refreshing to the eyes and add happiness to my heart. And so because of that, I have already "imposed" to my dgroup that I want to receive yellow flowers!!! I even instructed them how to give those flowers to me. (Is this part of addiction? Or am I too demanding?) Hahaha!

I received from my dgroup the yellow flowers. Yeah! But what touched my heart was not the flowers after all. It's the time and effort they gave just to get those flowers. The sweat and the heat they endured just to make up for my "demand". Love you girls! They even made an AVP which really surprised me because my closest friends from college were there too. And of course, not to mention the kapamilya and kapuso stars who greeted me. Haha!

On the eve of my birthday, a friend even made a extra effort so he could be the first one to greet me on my exact birthday. It was special. (smile)

On the morning of my day, I am already contented with the yellow flowers I received. Then there were three yellow roses that come later. The yellow daisies were great, but the yellow roses are lovely too! It was also an EFFORT because I know getting those roses is really a challenge (based from feedbacks of the girls and other friends, haha!). Okay, okay... it was indeed a special day for me.

But God's surprises is not yet over. After sending my friends to take their ride home, I received yet another gift! A delivery man brought it to our home. It was in a very nice and tidy box. I was really shivering when I opened it (by the way, I needed a scissor to open it. That's how special and tight the seal was!). I felt that it's taking me forever before I could open it...I was speechless at the site of what's inside the box...a dozen fresh yellow roses arranged beautifully and neatly wrapped in special yellow paper! It come together with a sweet little bear. (I could even feel the tears as I write this part...) The gift was from my bestfriend. She's in Singapore but the distance did not hinder her to send me what I really like. Love you so much bes! God truly knows how to give my heart's desire for that day. God really knows how to make my day an extra special.

My happiness cannot be hidden. As I attended the wedding of my friends, people I met were telling me how beautiful I look that night. Modesty aside, I know it is God's love shining on me.

I was really thrilled. It really pays to be a special daughter of the King of kings, a beloved princess is what I mean...

P.S. My friend texted me a few days after. One of the guests from her wedding asked what my age is, her guest thought I was under 20!!! (wide grin)

T E A R S

21 GUNS (by Green Day)

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

The first time I heard this song, I was instantly attracted to it. You won’t be easily attached to something if it has nothing to do with you. And yes, this song has to some extent, expressed what I undergone for the past months.

I was in lost, I don’t know what my heart was like. For about six months, it couldn’t feel anything. Weird as it may sound, I even tried reading stories or watching films that will let my tears out. But all did not move my heart to feel what I want to be feeling. Not that I don’t care at all, but my heart is not “behaving” like normal. (Oh no, I’m not having heart problems as per medically speaking.)

I give up thinking of ways on how my heart will go back to normal. I just want that one cry, a hard flow of tears which I believe would heal whatever hurt I was hiding inside. Then one of my friends said that maybe there was no pain at all that is why I can’t cry. I guess that one started to sink in, that maybe I have no hurt and no wound to heal.

I went back in living my routine – laughing out loud, going home excitedly, sleeping as long as I want, having my intimate conversation with God, talking to friends and serving in the ministry. All has started to go back to normal.

Then recently the most awaited tears have come out! I was hurt so deep that my eyes become a wellspring of tears (hapdi na ng eyes ko and the tears just keep on pouring out). It is ironic because inspite of the pain, I know I have my heart back! I was not happy for the cause of tears, it was really painful, the first time I felt it from someone I loved so much. But what made me glad is that I once again cried my heart out. I haven’t had an idea that I will be going such a trying time with someone so so close to me.

Again this may sound weird, but after that incident I felt that the excitement is back. Not that I am excited to cry every moment, but I am excited to talk to God, to serve Him and to feel Him even in the most simple ways.
All this time, it is just a matter of giving up and surrendering everything to God. Like in the song, I threw my arms into the sky and gave up “my” fight for the battle is not mine, it is the Lord’s.

The Other Side of Life

What has life to offer me when I grow old? What’s there to look forward to beyond the biting cold?

You’ll guess that this entry is somewhat dramatic. The past weeks were unimaginable for me (and for my best friend as well). I was bombarded by serious problems. Well, not mine personally, but with problems of people who are dear to me. I was in shock while waiting for everything that is going on to sink into my finite understanding. I couldn’t believe that this is happening. One problem after the other. Eventhough I do not experience them myself but knowing your loved ones are undergoing difficulties, it’s as if I also am going through that same path with them.

Nothing is permanent in this fallen, imperfect world. The sweet and smooth sailing life can come to a point of breaking apart. The silent and peaceful every day can become a catastrophe of events. The consequences of past wrong choices will eventually take its course. Broken relationships, facing legalities, health fading away, faith swayed by deceit.

What is the normal reaction? Escape. Out. Isolation. If it is only that easy, but we all know that it’s not. And the hardest part is to accept that we all need to go through the process until this comes to pass.

I also have my own problems lately. Knowing these people who, inspite of what they are going through, have decided to face life and continue living. They inspire and encourage me to be the same. To keep focused and soar high. To be safe and secure in the eye of the storm.

This too shall pass. This too will end. This too is just the other side of life.

Tomorrow is another day. Looking for the brighter days. Hoping for greater things. God is faithful.

2010 Philippine Election

Here comes the time when government officials are busy touring around the country and really getting sweat to meet and handshake every voter along the way.

For the presidentiables, I have my choice but it’s not yet final. In reality, I haven’t really studied the credentials of each candidate yet, or even just the “possibles” for that matter. The vice president, senators and below the ranks, will come later.

Just this week I watched from the news about the minorities in Zambales learning the new process of voting. I got goose bumps while seeing them study the electronic voting system. Some were nervous when they mis-inserted the ballot in the machine. Others grinned as they perfectly made it through. These are aetas doing their part so they can join and exercise their veto rights. And here I am having all the resources to do mine, but still reluctant and complacent with the coming election. But after watching that news, I was moved to start praying for and evaluating my candidates. I am one of those who are hoping that Philippine government will improve and I believe I should be doing my part as well. Yes, it may take a long time for the changes to happen but at least I can give my share.

I find it funny though when people ask me who's my bet for the president's role and then when I give my answer, they usually say (in shocked), "Oh, really?" Sorry guys, maybe next time just tell me yours if that is what you want to say.

As the election date comes nearer, I pray that there will be less violence and less deceit as we wait on who will take those positions and take the lead in managing our dear beloved country. There are many sweet promises and good plans being laid down for the Filipinos, will they ever come true? I hope so…

Christmas Letter

I always wanted to go back to school. I was thinking of enrolling for a masteral's degree or even a short-term course on chemistry or animal nutrition. But probably my willingness is not enough to start any of it. So when the GLC course was opened, I excitedly enrolled!

It was fun attending classes again. I got the Saturday schedule and after all these months, every Saturday class is an exciting day for me. I make it a point that I wake up early so I won't be late (we have a high-tech sign-in process so late comers are detected, hehehe).

Every now and then, we have projects and assignments. And last December we have been given a project to write a letter to someone we do not know. I am not really sure if my letter was given to anyone, but I find it interesting to share what I wrote (if there are people who might drop by at this site and hopefully they are Pinoy, hehehe). I love writing letters to friends and loved ones and so when this project was given, I enthusiastically wrote down what's in my mind and what's in my heart.
I hope you will find this worth reading...

December, 2009

Sa isang minamahal,

Mapagpalang araw sa iyo!

Marahil ay nagtataka ka sa pagtanggap mo ng liham na ito. Nais ko lamang ibahagi sa iyo ang kaunting kwento ng aking buhay at dalangin ko na sana ay ma-bless ka habang binabasa mo ito.

Ako ay si Marie Clemente, single at nakatira sa Calumpit, Bulacan. Nasa grade 5 ako noon nang malaman kong di pala totoo si Santa Claus. Alam mo bang tuwing Pasko ay excited ako sa regalong matatanggap ko kay Santa Claus? Minsan ay di talaga ako natutulog pagkatapos ng noche Buena dahil gusto kong makita nang personal si Santa Claus. Kaya ganun na lang ang disappointment ko nang malaman kong di pala tuna yang pinaniniwalaan ko. Maraming taon at Pasko na ang lumipas ngunit hanggang ngayon ay naaalala ko pa rin ang pangyayaring iyon.

Mayroon pang isang pangyayari sa buhay ko na hinding hindi ko malilimutan. Lumaki akong pala-simba at ang aming pamilya ay nagdarasal ng sabay-sabay. Maayos ang aking pag-aaral at hindi ako sakit sa ulo ng aking mga magulang. Sa tingin ko ay walang problema sa akin. Mabait ako. Yun ang alam ko. Ngunit isang araw ay may nag-share sa akin tungkol kay Hesus. Buong akala ko ay ayos na ayos na ako. Nalaman kong makasalanan pala ako. Nagsisinungaling, nag-iisip ng hindi maganda sa kapwa, sumasagot sa magulang – ang lahat pala ng ito ay katumbas din ng malalaking kasalanan. Ang kasalanan pala sa mata ng Diyos ay pantay-pantay. Pinaka natakot ako nang malaman kong ang kabayaran ng kasalanan ay kamatayan – kamatayang papunta sa impyerno. Ayokong mapunta ang kaluluwa ko sa impyerno. Laking tuwa ko nang ipaliwanag sa akin ang lalim ng pagmamahal ng Diyos sa akin. Gayon na lamang ang pag-ibig ng Diyos sa akin kaya’t pinadala Nya ang nag-iisa Nyang Anak na si Hesus para Sya ang tumubos ng aking kasalanan. Sya ang nagbayad na dapat ako ang gaganap. Ang kapalit ng Kanyang kamatayan ay ang kapatawaran ng aking kasalanan, ang pagkakaroon ko ng buhay na walang hanggan at ang pagbibigay sa akin ng karapatan na maging anak ng Diyos. Ang lahat ng ito ay regalo ng Diyos, ang kailangan lang ay tanggapin ang regalong ito. Tulad ng paghihintay ko noon sa regalo ni Santa Claus, excited ko ding tinanggap ang regalong binigay ni Hesus. Buong pagpapakumbaba kong inamin ang aking kasalanan, hiningi ng tawad ang mga ito at malaya kong binuksan ang aking puso para kay Hesus. Nakadama ako ng tunay na kaligayahan sa aking puso. Ngayong alam kong natanggap ko na ang pinaka mahalagang regalo sa buong mundo – ang kasiguraduhan ng pagkakaroon ko ng tunay na relasyon sa Diyos at ang kasiguraduhan na pag ako’y nawala na dito sa mundo, diretso akong mapupunta sa kaharian ang aking Amang nasa langit.

Ikaw, natanggap mo na ba ang pinakamahalagang regalo? Kung hindi pa, sana’y huwag mong palagpasin ang pagkakataong ito na tanggapin ang regalo ni Hesus. Lumapit ka sa Kanya at buong pusong ibigay ang buhay mo. Naghihintay Sya sa iyo.

Ngayong kapaskuhan, inaalala natin ang pagsilang ni Hesus – ang Kanyang birthday. Dalangin ko na ngayong taon ay madama mo ang tunay na dahilan ng Pasko. Ipinanganak si Hesus para sa iyo. Nabuhay Sya bilang tao para sa iyo. Namatay Sya sa krus para sa iyo. At nabuhay Syang muli para sa iyo. Kaibigan, ang pagmamahal ni Hesus ay para sa iyo. Ikaw ang laging laman ng Kanyang puso. Ikaw ang laging laman ng Kanyang isipan. Ganyan ka Nya kamahal. Alam ko dahil na-experience ko ito. Ako ay nagpapatotoo sa kabutihan at pag-ibig ng Diyos.

Isang makabuluhang Pasko ang iniiwan ko sa iyo. Naghihintay na ang regalo mo. Buksan at tanggapin mo.

Maraming salamat sa pagbabasa mo ng liham ko. Hindi man tayo magkakilala ng personal, dalangin kong magkikita tayo sa kaharian ng Diyos balang araw.

Mahal na mahal ka ng Diyos!


Gumagalang,

Marie Clemente

Dreamed About You

Twice I saw you in my sleep. I know I haven’t thought much about you lately, but for those two nights I saw you again.

You were on your usual mood, happy and wacky. But I noticed the peace and control that you have. The serenity I longed to see in you, and I was so glad to glimpse a moment of it.

Last Friday, I was reminded of God’s power on Ami Ortiz’s miraculous healing and recovery. Inspite of the explosion he suffered, he was perfectly restored and healed. While hearing his testimony I can’t help but think about you. Will you still be with us if we prayed the same way as Ami’s dad prayed? Will you still come with us to wherever we plan to go? Will you enjoy it bonding more with us, with me? But at that time, all I can do was to embrace your mom who was crying hard too.

I thought the flow of tears has stopped, but I was wrong.

Peth, I still miss you…

The Simple Things Just Are

I’m the kind of person who appreciates the simple things, well though not often verbalized, but I do love those simple things. The chirping of birds in the morning, the bright moon at night, the fireworks from somewhere, an unexpected short note from a friend, butterfly kisses from my nephews, warm embrace from loved ones, surprise visit from old friends – these are the simple things.

My former officemate, Nixon, never fails to surprise and touch my heart every year. We were not that close when he was still in the company but his simple ways of letting you know he still remembers, is what I appreciate the most. And though we have not seen each other since he transferred to another company, our communication is left open.

Based on the “love language test”, receiving gifts is not on the top of my list (this doesn’t mean I don’t like gifts, I love receiving them too!) and though Nixon doesn’t know this, he gives gifts when Christmas comes. The gifts may not be extravagant but they keep me excited every time I see his name on the card. Without opening the gift yet, I know that he touches my heart for always remembering. Somehow he manages to drop by or send the gifts to us girls (I assume that only the girls get these gifts, haha!) which the women termed it as “EFFORT”. Even if he is as busy as we are, he still finds time to shop gifts for us (Nix, or is it your wife who does the shopping? Hehe).

And for the longer time, I have managed to still keep his gifts on my table.

2005 – the red soccer-stress ball (hmmm, I haven’t used this yet. I’m afraid that I won’t be squeezing it when I get stressed because I might throw that ball to someone. Hahaha!)
2006 – tiny doggy toy (one hand is always on a high-five pose)
2007 – peach-dressed clown (with a lovely smile)
2008 – cellphone bag (this one I keep in my other bag, for I am still using it not for my cellphone but for my Ipod shuffle, hehehe)
2009 – very colorful and cutey paper clips (this is my favorite so far for they got my colors!)

Nix, now you need to think what would be your gift this year! Hahaha! More than the gifts, thank you for remembering and for keeping in touch. Hope we could go out one time with the rest of our friends here in Cargill. God bless you and do take care always.

And the simple things just are…

The Year That Was

While most of the people were happily celebrating the new year, I joined the rest who silently sleep and decided to quietly let the old year pass.

I have a lot in my mind as I start this entry but eventually chosen not to write them all. I could say that I started 2009 on high, and if I’ll base the year’s ending on my own, sablay. Fortunately, what matters most is my relationship with God. Inspite of my rebellion, Jesus committed to love me all the days of my life. I am secured.

Year 2009 was filled with so many unforgettable moments. Laugh, fun, hurts, pains, lost, kilig, excitements, disappointments, frustrations, surprises, adventure, love, tears, and so much more – all these I have experienced. Some may have been avoided, but all things happen for a reason.

It was a good year though for all areas in my life, and I’m looking forward to a better one this year.